On the Other Hand, Death

Police!

Hands up!

Get on the ground now.

Hold it

right there.

Albany PD.

You're under arrest.

I think there's

been a mistake.

There has been

a mistake,

Donald Strachey,

private investigator,

and you've

just made it.

What is it?

They're back.

What are you doing?

That is Carl Deems' kid.

I'm gonna scare

the living sh*t out of him.

Dorothy, wait. No.

Dorothy, d...

What are you doing?

Dorothy, don't go down...

Dor...

Wait. For God's sake.

Come back.

Stop. Don't do it.

Joey Deems?

Call the police.

You better run,

you son of a b*tch!

You come back here,

I will kick your teeth

so far down your throat,

you'll bite your a**hole

next time you take a sh*t!

No.

No.

He ran away.

Oh, my God. Sh*t.

It's okay.

It's gonna be okay.

We'll get him.

It's never gonna stop.

No.

It's never gonna stop.

It's gonna stop.

It's gonna stop.

All right, Strachey.

Let's go over this

one more time.

Who hired you?

Shall I try this in Russian,

or Swahili, maybe?

Because English for the last

six hours hasn't worked.

Your husband.

I'm not married.

Shocking.

You really don't

want to mess with me.

You may have just blown

an eight-month

undercover investigation.

Okay. A guy shows up

in my office.

He tells me

he's married to you

and wants me to follow you

because he's afraid

that you're having

an affair.

And how were you

supposed to contact him?

- Said he'd call me.

- What about the retainer?

Cash.

And you didn't think

that was a little suspicious?

Well, I never argue

with cash.

Morning, Strachey.

You're looking

lovely as usual.

Well, it's a nice hotel,

but the room service is lousy.

You know, you'd make my life

a hell of a lot easier

if you decided to move

someplace far, far away.

Come on, Bailey, you'd miss

these special moments

between us,

wouldn't you?

All right, ladies,

enough with the banter.

Here's what

you're gonna do.

The second your client

contacts you,

you're gonna get in touch

with Bailey here.

I want to know

who this guy is.

Well, me, too.

I don't like

to be lied to.

Oh, yeah, well,

you're gonna like it a lot less

if you screw

my investigation.

You know where

to find me.

She's a peach.

Ah, she's new.

You get used to her.

So, uh, how'd you get

involved in all this?

I don't know.

But I intend

to find out.

Yeah. I'm sorry, honey.

It's just I didn't

want to wake you,

so I figured I'd come

straight to the office.

Well, I forgive you.

As long as you're not late

for the school board meeting.

School board meeting?

Tell me you

didn't forget.

Andrew McWhirter

asked us

to come show

some support

for that librarian.

Andrew...

Andrew.

From college?

"First-time" Andrew.

The one who moved

to California

when you dumped him.

I didn't dump him.

We just...

We just... lost touch.

Anyway, he's been

visiting friends up here,

and I promised we'd

come to the meeting.

And besides, he really

wants to meet you.

Oh, you know, I... I...

I want to meet him.

I just...

You know, I just

got a new case.

I'm so busy.

Honey? Hello?

You are an evil,

manipulative man.

I love you, too.

So I'll pick you

up at 3?

Fine.

You're late.

For what?

For the staff meeting.

I hope I didn't

hold everybody up.

First order

of business.

I checked with the state

on getting my P.I. license.

So far, I'm five months

into my required year

of associative

investigator experience.

Who says you're

an associate investigator?

You promoted me.

Gave me

a little raise, too.

Well, aren't I

a good boss.

But I still need 30 hours

of field experience to qualify.

Well, I need the files filed

and the phones answered,

so...

Right.

'Cause we're simply

flooded with phone calls

for new cases.

You run the information on that guy

who hired us to follow the cop?

His name, address,

and phone number are all phony.

How is he gonna

get my report?

E-mail address?

He left

his e-mail address?

Hello. 21st century

calling Don Strachey.

All right.

This is good.

Then send him a message.

See if we can draw him out.

And what if

he doesn't respond?

He can't hide forever.

Oh, you take me

to all the nicest places.

One more complaint,

I swear I'll slap you.

Oh, that sounds

much more promising.

We're just here

to show our support.

Look, the other side's

out in full force.

I wonder if they have

an open bar at these things.

Donald!

And I have been

a guidance counselor

in this school

for over 30 years,

and I know

when a student

is in crisis.

This woman is promoting

homosexuality in the school.

She gave my son the number

for some gay recruiting place

and told him to call.

I gave him the number

for the Trevor Project,

which is a suicide

prevention hotline

for gay and

questioning youths!

In Haesemeyer

that's a decision

for the parent

to make,

not some lesbian.

- Please, can we...

- I've had this conversation

with this family

twice about my concerns

about Derek.

And we told you to mind your own

damn business, didn't we?

And it is my business.

I'm his guidance counselor.

I'll tell you, a little popcorn

and some Jujubes,

I could really start

enjoying myself.

This is serious.

Andrew said they've been looking

for any excuse at all

to... to fire her after

she came out publicly

a couple of years ago.

What's the matter with you?

All right.

Which one is he?

Where's the ex?

I don't know if I'd

even recognize him now.

He's probably...

bald and... and chubby.

Hey, just calm down, okay?

- What, are you one of them, too?

- Not bald.

- Yeah, I'm one of them.

- Figures.

We understand this

is a difficult issue,

and we'll be taking the matter

under consideration.

Until then,

we'll be placing

Miss Fisher

- on paid leave.

- No way.

What?

This meeting is adjourned.

I need a drink.

They can't do that.

This... This is

discrimination, isn't it?

Yeah, they can, at least

until the investigation's over.

Andrew.

Tim. Hey.

- Hey. Nice to see you.

- Hey.

- This must be Don Strachey.

- Hehe, must be.

It's great to meet you.

I've heard

so much about you.

The lucky guy who made

an honest man out of Tim Callahan.

Oh, I'd like to think

it took a little bit of skill.

So, uh, this

is all horrible.

If it's

any consolation,

this...

this is just wrong.

Yeah, don't worry.

We've not yet begun to fight.

Andrew, I'm getting

awfully thirsty.

Dorothy, Edith,

this is Tim Callahan

and his partner

Don Strachey.

- Pleasure.

- Hi, Don. Good to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure.

I wish it was under slightly

more pleasant circumstances.

Yeah.

I don't suppose

we're going to be particularly

delightful company

this evening,

but if you'd like

to come back to the house

with Andrew

for a drink...

Or ten.

I plan on having ten.

You guys game?

- Well...

- Yes.

I like what you've

done with the place.

It's sort of

urban chic.

Kind of a smart aleck,

aren't you?

A little bit.

Some of my best friends

are smart alecks.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes