Once Upon a Time in Venice

John ah, Venice beach...

A city built on contrast.

Decade old concrete buildings

layered...

Between million dollar homes.

Worn out beach bums litter

the same streets...

Your cousins from Oklahoma

visit every summer.

Every weird dive bar you love

is being pushed out...

By some shitbag tech company.

And somewhere between the

ruckus, you'll find this guy...

Venice's only licensed

detective.

You just gotta live your life.

It goes by so fast.

It's like a whisper.

John

that's my boss, Steve Ford...

A self-appointed figurehead

in the community.

Takes that job very seriously.

Before you know it,

you're 12 years old...

And then where are you?

I don't want you to make the

same mistakes that I made.

It starts like this, a little

bit of weed...

And then a little bit

of blow, okay?

And then a couple bottles

of Tequila every week.

And hookers three times a week.

And yeah, it's fun,

in the moment, it's fun...

But let me tell you something.

Those moments always end up when

your head feels like this big...

Like a bus ran over it.

You happy about that? No, you're

not happy about that.

Then not too long after that...

You're sitting on your kitchen

floor, buck naked...

You got a gun in your mouth...

And all you're thinking about

is, is today the day?

Is today the day I pull the

trigger? Bang!

But you got a right to live...

And you gotta f***in' live

right, you get me?

All right... let's go.

This is a skate park, come on.

Let's go skate.

John I always wanted

to be a private detective...

And with Steve being the only

outfit in town...

I really had no other choice

but to work with him.

Which is good... I think.

And seeing as he was busy

mentoring the local youth...

Of today, I was left to finally

get a shot at cracking...

My first case and it has led me

here, to Nola Tuiasosopo...

At least, I believe I'm

pronouncing that right...

I don't know, she's Samoan.

Not that there's anything wrong

with that...

Some of them have tricky

last names, some of them.

God, well, I'll edit that later.

Uh... missing since July...

I just spotted her at the corner

of sixth and Oakwood.

And, let me tell you,

Steve was not exaggerating...

Nola is very attractive.

Scratch that, she is very, very

insanely...

Why isn't she a professional

model-attractive.

Anyway, by the looks of it...

She's going into a support group

of some kind.

I'm guessing alcoholics

anonymous, just...

Sh*t. Dammit.

Agh!

John and my name's John,

Steve's partner.

Uh, well, soon to be partner...

Just waiting for some paperwork.

Who'd like to go first?

Hello, my name's Rick

and I'm a sex addict.

Hi, Rick.

Um... my poison's pornography.

It started back in catholic

school...

And got progressively worse.

I'm currently logging

about 40 hours a week.

That's a full-time job.

I've got premium subscriptions

to the big four...

Pornhub, Redtube, reality kings

and brazzers.

Not to mention, Eskimotube,

jizzhut...

Oh god, I'm a monster!

Jesus, right?

Would you like to share

with the group?

Hm?

Would you like to

share with the group?

The group? Uh... no!

No, I'm good.

I'm good to just listen.

That's not really how it works.

Everyone is required

to participate...

On their first night, please.

Well, if it's required.

Uh... okay.

Um, I'm John and I'm

a sex addict.

Hi, John.

Hello.

Uh, yeah, I just love sex.

I love getting it,

I love giving it.

I love it too much

and I get it too much...

That's my main problem.

On that sex road, I've got

my thumb out...

Waiting to get on one

of the sex cars.

I am also logging

about 40 hours a week...

But on sex, not just Jacki"

off like this guy, right?

Full-blown sex.

And, actually, come to think

of it, it's more than 40 hours.

So, I'm doing time and a half.

I should get paid my overtime.

I mean, obviously I'm not

condoning sex for money.

That's bad, right?

We all agree, would you? Good.

I really just have sex with any

old thang that comes my way.

There's some limits, obviously,

age, 18 and below is no...

No bueno, no good.

Upwards, though, is where

I really shine...

50, 60, 80, 90, centennials...

Okay!

Uh, thank you for sharing, John.

All right, you got it.

Nola? Hey, Nola?

Are you following me?

No, no, no, I'm not following

you, no, no, don't mace me!

I'm not a stalker.

I am technically following you,

but not in a stalker way...

Just as a professional...

Strictly professional.

Look, your brothers hired my

boss to find you...

And that's where I come in.

They want you to come home,

okay, they miss you.

I could drive you, at least

to my boss' house.

In a professional way...

Not as a maniac or a pervert,

on either parts.

Yeah, uh, I'll let her know.

All right, so you'll be safe

there till tomorrow...

And then in the morning

we can figure out...

How best to deal

with your brothers.

Well, how about that Rick guy?

40 hours a week?

I mean, that's a serious

commitment to masturbation.

Yeah, hopefully he's changing

hands every once in a while.

I mean, if you don't, that's

carpal tunnel syndrome...

And the blistering...

Agh!

And chafing.

Yeah.

Let's just hope he's got a

little tub of like, neosporin.

Ew!

Well, I'm just saying.

Sorry.

Okay, well, this is it.

Great.

Yeah. As you can see, it's

a very nice establishment.

And uh, you'll be home

in no time.

Steve send her up.

There he is.

Steve's a great guy.

All right, well, pleasure

to meet you.

You, too.

Yeah.

Thanks for the ride.

No problem, just doing my job.

Goodbye.

See ya.

She'll be fine.

Steve's a good guy.

She'll be fine.

Stay down! You're gonna wish

you never touched her!

Stop it, you're gonna kill him!

Nola, take your ass in the

goddamn room...

And don't you come out of there!

Listen, listen,

let's talk about this.

You're about to go through

a Samoan storm.

Paid you to find her, Steve.

I did find her!

We told you to find her,

not f*** her.

She's our sister, you son

of a b*tch.

Yeah.

You're dead, Steve!

Run, Steve, run!

Okay, hands, pal!

Let me see your hands!

I said hands, now, get them up!

Aw, Jesus.

Oh, bill, it's you.

Jesus, how you doing, man?

Steve, what the hell are you

doing out here?

Look, aren't you tired of this

Peter Pan bullshit?

This is no kind of life,

you're an old man.

Now why don't you just meet

somebody your own age...

And make a life, for god sakes?

I will.

You know, someday, Steve, one of

these guys is gonna catch you...

And what are you gonna do then?

Call 9-1-1, come find you,

we're gonna eat a lot of donuts.

F*** you, Steve.

Take care of yourself.

Go home.

Be careful.

This is not normal, okay?

They hook electrodes up to

people when they do this.

Well, that's what that feels

like.

There he is, get him!

Turn, turn, hurry up!

Hurry up!

Go, go, go!

Oh yeah, we got him now.

Faster.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Look at this a**hole!

Sh*t!

Come on, let's go, let's go.

Excuse me.

Steve, you can't have a gun

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