Ondine Page #3

- And what about the cold?

- Get used to it.

Oh, of course, you have

your seal coat, don't you?

My seal coat?

Look, there's no point

in beating round the bush.

I do know these things.

I've been studying them.

So... tell me about my seal coat.

You lose it when you

get out of the water.

And you can't go back in

until you find it again.

And if you do find it and bury it

on land, you can stay for seven years,

and you cry seven tears.

But then when the crying is done,

your kind of folk

can often find unexpected

happiness with a...

- What's it called?

- Are you lost for words?

A landsman, that's what.

Selkie women often find

unexpected happiness with a landsman.

And that's all I know.

This is my granny's place.

He misses her.

And where do you live?

With me ma, and it's not

underneath the waves.

She'll be wondering where I am.

See you again.

Your cheek is wet.

- Is that one of the seven tears?

- Maybe.

You've only six left.

- Can I help you there, Circus?

- Yeah. Have you any books on selkies?

We do. But, strangely enough,

they're all out at the moment.

- Out?

- Your daughter has them.

- Annie?

- She's doing a project, she said.

Yeah. Just trying to help her

get ahead of the game.

Good man.

- Does it do stunts, Annie?

- What do you mean, stunts?

Stunts like this.

I don't think it's a

recreational vehicle.

- So it's only for spaz?

- You don't say "spaz".

You say "special needs".

Don't you, Annie?

- Yeah.

- See, you feckin' retard. Say it.

- Special needs.

- Special needs, Annie. Give us a go?

- Does it float?

- I don't think it's amphibious.

Special needs, my arse.

Come on, guys.

- Is mam up yet?

- No.

- Was there something up?

- Why do you think?

- Is it battery trouble?

- It got wet.

Come here. I don't bite.

Come on. Jesus, you're getting big.

You said you had

selkies in Scotland.

Aye. We invented selkies.

In the Outer Hebrides.

- You mean you made them up?

- No. No, they're a Scottish thing.

There you go.

- She doesn't speak like you.

- Who?

Oh, we've got secrets,

have we, little girl?

- Well, you could say thanks.

- Thanks.

You're welcome.

- Do you want to come again?

- Fishing?

Only if you want, like.

You promise I'll see nobody but you?

I promise you'll see nobody but me.

You're swimming in my dress?

It was a gift... from a fisherman.

- Can I help?

- You can man the tiller.

Right. Straight out to sea.

Keep her steady, would you?

Fisheries Board.

You can't really guide

a boat with your foot.

- I'm not doing well?

- No, I never said that.

Oh, sh*t.

Would you look at that?

- My God.

- What?

That's weird. Salmon.

- Weird?

- You don't get salmon trawling.

- Trawling.

- Only with a gill net.

- Curiouser and curiouser.

- Where did you hear that?

- Alice said it.

- To the White Rabbit.

- Annie says it, too.

- Annie?

My daughter.

Jesus Christ.

- What?

- They're going to come on board.

Lads.

- See you caught salmon.

- I did.

- How did you catch them?

- Trawling.

- And you expect us to believe that?

- No, but it's true.

- Show us your gill nets.

- In the hold.

- That's not wet.

- I know.

- So how did you dry it?

- I didn't. Told you, I didn't use it.

- There's a girl here, Circus.

- Where?

In your net.

- Is that illegal?

- No, but... it's unusual.

- And you can see her?

- She's right here in front of me.

Ask her how I caught the salmon.

How did he catch them?

Trawling.

And you want us

to believe in fairytales?

Yes.

- What did she say?

- She said yes.

Well, then, you'd better believe her.

Right. Close it up, lads.

So, they saw you.

Is that all right?

- No.

- That's a relief in a way.

- Means you're not in my mind.

- Means they'll talk.

Course they will.

- What will they say?

- Take your pick.

Circus. Clowns. Salmon. A girl.

I'm going to the harbour.

Do you want me to drop you off?

- It's done, isn't it?

- What's done?

I've been seen.

Here, take a look at

the girl coming in on that boat.

She's not bad, is she?

It is a small town. Everyone stares.

You can say that again.

What's wrong with being seen?

Nothing. When you look good.

You look mighty.

I'm going to have to

declare these, Circus.

- They've already seen them.

- Who?

The Fisheries.

They're fine, believe me.

Thanks, Mary.

Can I buy you a present?

Clothes. But can I choose this time?

- You don't like the dress?

- No, I like it, just...

...underwear could be better.

- Didn't fit?

- Tight around the edges.

- You have edges?

- I knew it wasn't a story.

- What wasn't a story?

You're such a shite storyteller anyway.

- I knew it had to be true.

- Ondine, this is my daughter, Annie.

- We've met before.

- Yes, we have.

- What are we doing?

- Buying clothes.

OK.

This town is what you'd call

sartorially challenged.

What does that mean?

A supermodel's nightmare.

Do selkies do lingerie?

Why not?

They wear seaweed knickers

and a scallopy bra.

But that's underwater.

Won't do here.

I'm not suggesting she

buy them all, Da. Just a selection.

That's where I found her...

Roan Carraig.

- You know what it means?

- Seal Rock.

It's a kind of sanctuary for her kind.

- Her kind?

- Yeah. The well-dressed kind.

What do you think?

Or should we say

what do they think?

You cleaned the place.

Like Snow White.

- Is that all right?

- But I'm not a dwarf, you know.

I'm little, but I'm not a dwarf.

- Who is Snow White?

- Doesn't matter. She didn't swim.

- Can you swim, Annie?

- No.

There's no pool in the town,

and I've never had lessons.

I think it could relax you a lot.

Unless you have a fear of water.

I wouldn't have a fear of water

with a water creature around me.

OK, then. Come on.

What will I wear?

Underwear.

- She's gone already.

- Where?

The caravan at Poulin. Is that

where she sleeps, your water baby?

Thought I might

take her out for the day.

- The regatta starts at three.

- Oh, the three of you.

Go diving for pearls?

Something like that.

What kind of stories are you spinning?

Just relax.

OK. Lie down now.

I'll hold you.

Easy. You see?

You're a sea creature.

- You think?

- I know.

Relax. Relax.

OK, let's go on the raft. OK?

- What's that?

- Just something I found.

- You found your seal coat.

- Maybe.

- Are you going to bury it?

- Would you like me to bury it?

Yes, because it means

you'll be here for seven years.

- Would you like that?

- I would like that a lot.

- We had better bury it then.

- Absolutely.

OK.

Help me.

Will I remember where it is?

In seven years' time?

Watch this.

Seventeen steps.

And it's our secret.

We tell nobody.

You know, Da, if she buries her seal

coat she stays seven years on land?

- Annie...

- It's true.

- With a... what's it called again?

- A landsman.

Unless her selkie husband

claims her back.

- I don't have a husband.

- Maybe you don't remember, but you do.

All selkies do.

- Go on! Go on!

- Oh, you bastard!

These are magic, man, I'm telling you.

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