One Night in the Tropics Page #2

Take out a policy! Love insurance!

I don't get it. You'd be willing

to lay 10-to-1 on a horse.

A policy is no bet,

and Cynthia is not a horse.

But this policy would be a bet.

I'm willing to lay 10-to-1

on your marriage.

If you marry Cynthia,

you lose the bet and the premium.

If I don't marry Cynthia, no amount

of money will make up for her loss.

I promise you, you'll get the girl,

not the money.

Look, have I ever

lost a bet before?

Did I ever have to

pay off on a policy?

Say, that's right. You

never did, did you? No.

You've always been lucky, Lucky.

Yes.

Gimme something to sign. I

wanna make it legal. All right.

Oh, that's wonderful, Lucky.

Wonderful.

Is Mr. Steve Harper in? Yes. There's

a gentleman with him at the moment.

Well, there'll be a lady with

him before you can say "yehoodi. "

Ouch.

Well, gotta get back to the

office. I hate to let you go, Lucky.

You make me feel so...

so lucky.

Why not? You're practically

a married man.

That's your phone ringing.

It might be Cynthia.

Cynthia! I thought

it was my ears ringing.

Insured!

Hello? Oh, Cynthia!

That's sweet of you, Steve,

but after all, you know,

this isn't Mother's Day.

If you send any more flowers

we'll have to move out.

That's all right. You're welcome.

I'm sorry, Miss Fitzgerald.

Mr. Harper is out.

I'll just come in and wait. I'm

sorry, I cannot allow you to come in.

But please, Miss Fitzgerald!

Oh, darling, you want to play.

Oww! Ooh!

You're just more than welcome.

Oh, I can hardly wait until

this evening. Is that so?

Oh, h-hello, Mickey.

Phoning the big moment?

Oh, no, no, not at all.

I'm just talking to my laundry.

- Oh, well, don't let me interrupt.

- Uh, hello.

Now, wait a minute, darling.

I've got Aunt Kitty all soothed

and ready to talk to you.

Now, just a minute.

Aunt Kitty!

Hello.

That'll be all for today.

That'll take care of...

Look...

Aunt Kitty is perfectly

reconciled to our being married...

and she'll soon love you

just as much as I do.

No, no, please... Uh...

I don't think today I'll have time

to go over the list with you.

Look, th-this thing can't...

This thing can't

go on forever, you know.

Everything I've been sending out

hasn't been coming back.

Yeah... Look...

Uh, fully five pairs

of socks are missing,

a dozen handkerchiefs,

three towels.

Five, three,12.

What are you counting for?

The man you're engaged to is a May 12

lunatic, and a dangerous one at that!

Scum!

Hello? Hello?

Sorta hung up.

Funny people, those laundries.

She has a very pretty voice, your

laundry. Yes, she has... How do you know?

A man who leads a double life

shouldn't have two telephones.

Mickey, I got a lot

of things to do today.

Listen. I'm not leading

a double life anymore.

It's double only in that from Saturday on

I won't be single. I'll be double.

I mean, I'm gonna get married!

Poor Stevie. Always the dreamer.

You will not be married

on Saturday, because I love you.

And I'm going to keep on loving you

until I don't love you any longer.

If you marry anybody, it'll be me,

because if you don't marry me...

you'll have too many broken legs

to marry anybody else.

So you can get your laundry back on

the phone and tell her she's all washed up.

Hello, Dad.

Hello, Son.

Hello, Doc. I sold so many

policies, I finally convinced myself.

Look at that.

That'll step up your liver.

There's nothing the matter with

your father's liver. You pass 100%.

Good.

Whew! $100,000!

There's nothing like having

a go-getter for a son, eh, Doctor?

That's right, Mr. Moore.

What kind of a policy is it?

Love insurance.

Life insurance.

That's good. Congratulations.

Not life insurance. This is

something new. Love insurance.

Yeah... Uh... Love? Love?

- Did you... Did you say "love"? L-O-V-E?

- That's right.

Love insurance?

Did you ever hear such stupidity,

such imbecility,

such idiocy, such blithering...

Love insurance? Love is a

beautiful thing, Mr. Moore.

Well, I can't accept you

as an authority.

- How much is the policy for?

- Oh, uh, just a million.

Just a million? Mr. Moore, I

can hear your arteries hardening.

What are you trying

to do to me, Jim, break me?

Why, it's lunacy, insanity.

I can't stand it. It's plain suicide. Dad.

No firm would take this policy.

But, Dad, we already have.

It's all signed.

There's practically no risk.

No risk!

Sorry, Mr. Moore.

Your blood pressure's way up.

We won't be able

to pass you for a policy.

Thanks to you and your blasted

love insurance!

Get out of here!

Take it with you...

to a bank, to a pawn shop.

Hock it. Underwrite it.

Pick yourself another victim.

I can't take all of it,

but if I come in for half,

that'd kinda make me partners with your

old man, huh? Sure you'd be partners.

That's great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is this?

Don't bother me for a while.

Yes, sir.

Might surprise folks who think all I can do is

run a joint like this if I went in for insurance.

Roscoe, you'd bowl 'em over.

Is this okay, boss?

What do ya got?

I don't know. Look, look.

Let me alone, will ya?

Another drink, Mr. Roscoe?

If I want a drink, I'll call

you. Let me alone! Yes, sir.

Kinda crazy to risk a million

on Steve Harper gettin' hitched.

He's got it bad this time. I've invited

him here for you to look him over.

Okay, that's great.

I'll scrutinize him personally.

And if I'm sold, what do I do?

Sign a piece of paper.

I mean... Hey.

Now what's the matter?

Why, it's gone. My wallet!

Yeah?

Say, on the way in, did you pass

a tall guy in a dinner coat? Yeah.

And standin' there with him, was

there a short, stout guy? Yeah.

That's what I thought. It's about

time you met up with the boys. Oh.

Come on, Costello.!

Okay, Abbott.!

Get away from there.! Costello,

what's the matter with you?

Why did you do that?

Oh, I'm a bad boy.!

Go away. You've done enough

damage for one day. I wanna play.

How much you wanna bet?

Ten dollars.

It's a bet. Ten dollars to you. Okay.

That's the idea. I never knew

you gambled. Some over here.

Wait. What are you doing?

I was makin' change.

I'll make the change. Keep the

money down there. Ten more to you.

Look, don't steal it.

Win it honestly.

Put it down. No, put it

there and leave it there.

That's the i...

Gimme that bill.

Put it in my hand

and leave it there.

What are you doing?

I wanna play.

You got any more money?

Yeah, I got a lot of money.

Let me see it. Well!

Hundred dollar bills!

Get a load of that! Hundred dollar

bills. Five hundred dollar bills.

Another hundred.

They're all hundreds.

What was that?

Somebody put a buck in here.

Oh, behave yourself.

I bet $ 10.

Ten dollars? Why, certainly.

I had a ten a minute ago.

Have you got two tens for a five? Yeah.

There we are.

Now, there's your ten.

- Come on, come on!

- What's the matter? Something wrong?

Fifteen dollars went south!

What do you mean?

You say "You got two tens for a five?"

and I give it to ya.

Oh, you did? Wise guy. Okay, here's

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