Operation Cupcake

1

RIGHT, LEFT.

- SOUND OFF.

- all:
ONE, TWO.

- SOUND OFF.

- all:
THREE, FOUR.

[patriotic music]

- MORNING, SIR.

- COLONEL CARSON.

GENERAL.

HAVE A GOOD TWO-MONTH LEAVE.

WE'LL MISS YOU AROUND HERE.

APPRECIATE THAT, SIR.

I HAVEN'T BEEN HOME

THAT LONG IN YEARS.

AND WHO KNOWS,

MAYBE THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU,

YOU'LL BE GENERAL CARSON.

ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE, SIR.

- HAVE A SAFE TRIP.

- THANK YOU, SIR.

[dog barks in distance]

[birds chirping]

I'M GONNA GO PUT THESE

OUTSIDE, WANNA COME?

YEAH, HOLD ON.

DAD'S COMING.

WHEN DO YOU THINK

HE'S GONNA GET HERE?

WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM

IN SO LONG.

I HOPE HE LIKES IT.

I CAN'T WAIT.

OH.

UM...

PUT ONE UP:

A LITTLE HIGHER.

- HOW'S THAT?

- GREAT.

- THAT'S GOOD.

- YEAH?

YEAH.

[sighs] OKAY.

PERFECT, OKAY.

OKAY.

THERE WE GO!

HOW DOES IT LOOK?

- IT LOOKS GOOD.

- AAH! IT LOOKS SO GOOD.

IT'S GREAT.

DAD'S GONNA LOVE IT.

OH, YOU DID

SUCH A GOOD JOB.

OH.

I HOPE HE LIKES IT.

OKAY, HE JUST CALLED.

HE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

LET'S GO.

HEY, I SAW THAT.

- SAW WHAT?

- DON'T EAT THE CUPCAKE.

FINE.

OH!

OH, NOT THA CHEESY WATCH THING.

- IT IS NOT CHEESY.

- WAIT, WHAT WATCH THING?

WHEN DAD'S GONE, MOM WEARS

A WATCH TO COUNT THE MINUTES

UNTIL THEY'RE TOGETHER AGAIN.

BUT WHEN THEY'RE TOGETHER,

SHE TAKES IT OFF

BECAUSE TIME DOESN'T MATTER.

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- [gags]

THERE HE IS.

OH, MY GOSH.

HI, HONEY!

- HEY, DAD.

- HI, HONEY.

OH, MY GOSH.

- OH, HONEY.

- MM.

- OH, I LOVE YOU.

- I LOVE YOU TOO.

MISSED YOU.

FEELS SO GOOD.

- OH, MY GOSH.

- HI!

- LOOK AT YOU.

- [laughs]

I MISSED YOU.

[laughs]

HELLO, COLONEL.

HOW ARE YOU, YOUNG MAN?

OH, NO!

OH, IT'S OKAY, BABE.

OOH.

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

- THAT'S OKAY, I GOT IT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

[laughs]

THAT'S ALL RIGHT,

I'LL JUST MAKE ANOTHER ONE.

OKAY.

[laughter]

WOW, IT'S SO GREAT TO BE HOME.

I REALLY MISSED THIS.

THE FOOD OR US?

WOULD I BE A JERK

IF I SAID BOTH?

NO.

[laughter]

MM, I NOTICED, UM,

MY CAR WASN'T IN THE DRIVEWAY.

- RIGHT.

- ANY REASON FOR THAT?

- I DIDN'T CRASH IT.

- IT'S IN THE SHOP.

BUT NOBODY GOT HURT,

AND I'M PAYING FOR THE DAMAGE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WE WERE HAVING:

A DRIVING LESSON.

SHE WAS STARING:

AT HER BOYFRIEND

AND CRASHED INTO THE MAILBOX.

BOYFRIEND?

WHAT BOYFRIEND?

- YOU ARE SUCH A NARC.

- POSER!

YOU GUYS, STOP FIGHTING.

YOUR DAD JUST GOT HOME.

- HEY, THOSE LOOK FANTASTIC.

- THANKS.

DID YOU TELL HIM

ABOUT THE NEW STORE?

- YOU FOUND A PLACE?

- YES, UH, YESTERDAY.

I WAS GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT I IN PERSON.

BUT THERE'S THIS BAKERY

ACROSS TOWN THAT BACKED OU OF THEIR LEASE AND THE PLACE

WAS HALFWAY DONE,

- SO IT WAS PERFECT.

- THAT WAS FAST.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

HOW THIS HAS TAKEN OFF.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA

MANAGE TWO STORES ALL AT ONCE.

BUT AT LEAST I HAVE SHEILA,

AND ONCE IT'S UP AND RUNNING,

IT'S GONNA BE...

[sighs]

I DON'T WANNA

TALK ABOUT THIS.

YOU'RE HERE FOR A WEEK.

I DON'T WANNA

TALK ABOUT BUSINESS.

MM.

- ACTUALLY, WE DON'T HAVE A WEEK.

- WHAT?

IT'S ONLY

A WEEKEND PASS?

BUT YOU'RE UP

FOR A PROMOTION.

AND I'VE DECIDED

TO TAKE A FURLOUGH...

UNTIL THE REVIEW BOARD

ANNOUNCES ITS DECISION.

I'M HERE FOR TWO MONTHS.

WHAT? TWO MONTHS?

OH, MY GOSH!

OH, I'M SO HAPPY.

MAYBE FOREVER.

FOREVER?

IF I MAKE GENERAL,

THAT COULD MEAN:

ANOTHER FOUR-YEAR

STINT OVERSEAS,

ANOTHER FOUR YEARS OF BEING

A PART-TIME HUSBAND

AND A PART-TIME FATHER.

I'VE MISSED SO MUCH

OF YOUR LIVES ALREADY.

ARE YOU SAYING THA YOU'RE CONSIDERING RETIREMENT?

I'M SAYING WE HAVE

A DECISION TO MAKE.

[phone rings]

- [beep]

- YEAH, HI, THAD.

YES.

YEAH, I KNOW WE

HAVE TO SIGN THE PAPERS.

THAD, I JUST WOKE UP.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER, OKAY?

[beep]

SORRY.

WHY IS HE CALLING SO EARLY?

ARE YOU, LIKE, HIS ONLY CLIENT?

NO, HE'S JUST ENTHUSIASTIC.

HE'S THE ONE WHO PU THIS WHOLE DEAL TOGETHER.

I NEVER LIKED THAT GUY.

HE HAD A WEAK HANDSHAKE.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

YOU DID A ONE-HANDED PUSH-UP

OVER OUR WEDDING CAKE?

HOW COULD I FORGE THE GLORY DAYS?

[chuckles] YOU STILL OWE ME

A REAL WEDDING, YOU KNOW.

THAT WAS A REAL WEDDING,

HONEY.

MM, I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS ON A MILITARY BASE

WITH A CHAPLAIN.

WE'VE LASTED 18 YEARS.

HE MUST'VE SAID SOMETHING RIGHT.

AW.

DRIVING LESSON.

[knocks at door]

WAKE UP.

YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?

IT'S THE PERFECT TIME.

THERE'S NO CARS ON THE ROAD.

MOM'S TEACHING ME.

YOUR MOTHER IS BUSY.

I, ON THE OTHER HAND,

HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME.

AND WHO IS THIS BOY

YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH?

WE'RE NOT GOING OUT.

BUT YOU'RE PLANNING TO?

- I GUESS.

- WHEN?

DO WE REALLY:

HAVE TO DO THIS NOW?

- ABSOLUTELY.

- MOM?

MIGHT AS WELL:

GET IT OVER WITH.

[sighs]

NEXT WEEKEND.

AND TO YOUR NEXT QUESTIONS,

HE HAS A 3.4 GPA,

NO TATTOOS, NO PIERCINGS.

- YOU LEFT OUT AGE.

- 35.

BUT HE SPENT 10 YEARS IN PRISON,

SO HE LOOKS A LOT YOUNGER.

HE'S 18.

18?

YEAH, I MET HIS MOM.

SHE'S REALLY NICE.

YOU'RE TALKING

TO HIS MOTHER NOW?

OF COURSE I AM.

[sighs]

ARE WE ALMOST DONE?

HEY, WE JUST STARTED.

THAT LOOKS LIKE POISON OAK.

AH, NO, DON' WORRY ABOUT THAT.

[water gushing]

[thudding]

[water gushing]

HERE WE GO.

UH-HMM.

OH, HONEY.

HONEY, HONEY, HONEY, HONEY.

SORRY.

CAN YOU JUST MOVE--

MM-HMM.

- HONEY.

- SORRY.

UM.

GO AHEAD.

NO, NO, GO AHEAD.

THIS ISN'T WORKING.

UM...

[laughs]

- STANDING BY.

- OH, BOY.

STILL STANDING BY.

- OH, CAREFUL, CAREFUL, HONEY.

- SORRY, SORRY.

I GOT A BLADE:

IN MY HAND.

I JUST DON' WANNA BE LATE.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,

LOVE YOU.

LOVE YOU.

MWAH, YEAH.

OH, I LEFT YOU

A TO-DO LIST, OKAY? BYE.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD.

[military marching music]

UM, TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHA YOU'RE WEARING TO SCHOOL.

- MOM LEFT ALREADY?

- YUP.

THEN I GUESS THIS ISN' WHAT I'M WEARING TO SCHOOL.

DOES SHE ALWAYS:

DRESS LIKE THAT?

YES.

YOU MUST BE STARVING

AFTER THAT WORKOUT, HUH?

- GET YOUR HEAD UP.

- [groans]

ACTUALLY,

I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP.

HERE WE GO.

LOOK AT THAT.

EAT UP.

[groans]

THAT WAS FAST.

DO I PASS INSPECTION?

YEAH.

HAVE SOME BREAKFAST.

THANKS, BUT I ONLY

EAT FRUIT BEFORE NOON.

[car honking]

[pan sizzling]

COMING OLLIE?

YEAH.

LOVE YOU, DAD.

HAVE A GOOD DAY, GUYS.

[door closes]

GUESS I'LL BE NEEDING

READING GLASSES.

MM-HMM, MM-HMM.

[dog barking]

[door knob clattering]

- [loud thud]

- WHOA!

YOU BREAKING:

INTO THIS HOUSE?

- I LIVE HERE.

- MOST PEOPLE USE THE DOOR.

- I LOST MY KEY.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

RAY.

RAY MCKEWEN.

WHY AREN'T YOU IN SCHOOL,

MCKEWEN?

I CAME HOME EARLY.

I HAD A TOOTHACHE.

A TOOTHACHE?

SHOW ME SOME I.D.

[tires screeching]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SON?

LET HIM GO.

I'M SORRY, MA'AM.

I-- I'M A NEIGHBOR.

I JUST THOUGHT...

GET OUT OF HERE:

BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!

[grunts]

OKAY.

CARRY ON.

[scoffs]

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

THAT WAS AWESOME.

OH.

IT WAS NOT AWESOME.

HI, CAN I GE A STRAWBERRY CUPCAKE

AND A COFFEE TO GO,

PLEASE?

- I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

- GREAT.

- I NEED A LATTE.

- YEAH.

[background chatter]

OH, DOUBLE FROSTING

COMING RIGHT UP.

- THANKS, JANET.

- THE USUAL.

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