Opposite Day Page #2

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All right, kids!

Wave goodbye to your parents!

You may never see them again!

Bye, Pop!

Bye, guys!

Bye, Daddy!

I'll miss you!

I love you, princess. Bye!

Bye, Daddy!

I'm really proud of you, Son.

There's only one thing

in my mind

I'm leaving

everything behind

I'm just looking

for good times...

If I was in charge,

I would not ruin

a family vacation

for stupid work!

I agree.

Heading down

this endless road

Breaking down on open doors

Taking chances

is fine with me

Better off on what you need

To live it up to me

I can make you see...

Awesome!

Dude!

This is so cool!

Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!

Come on! Come on!

Come on, Grandpa!

Hey, kids, for dinner,

I'm gonna make hot dogs

with macaroni and cheese,

homemade ice cream

and gummy bears!

- I love gummy bears!

- Gummy bears! Yes!

- Gummy bears!

- Whoo!

You are going to have

so much fun,

it's going to come out

of your ears!

Emily, I need to see

those layouts.

Oh, Denise.

I just got an email

from Tyler at Skin So Smooth.

They wanna start their slogan

with "Smooth..."

It's up to us

to figure out the rest.

And by "up to us,"

that means up to you.

Oh...

Good luck.

OK, if I crank this out

double time,

I still might make it

to the cabin.

Yeah, right.

Good luck, girl.

All right, now, this is

Dimitri's son, Alexei, huh?

Don't worry, let me

put the coat on the doctor.

You're late.

Make a note of that, please.

Yes, sir,

Mr. Montgomery.

My sincerest apologies.

You know, it's no small feat

working 14-hour days

and raising a child on your own.

Spare me the excuses, Godfrey.

As you know, the board

is expecting me to advise

on next fall's product launch

this Thursday.

Either you show us something

we can use in the launch,

or I'm afraid I'm going to

have to let you go.

Now, what have you got for us?

Uh...

Well...

let's start with the birds!

Ah, the bird! Ha-ha! Good.

Come on.

After you.

Now, did you know

that overnight-express

delivery companies' employees

are paid $20 an hour

for their deliveries?

So I started thinking,

what if we started a company

with employees that could be

paid in birdfeed, literally?

Ta-da!

Even as we speak,

we are in production on

a fleet of thousands of birds

that would travel at mach speed,

delivering packages all over

the world, 24 hours a day!

I call it Bird Express!

What does that

have to do with babies?

Oh... Well, I mean...

other than the classic mythology

of birds delivering newborns,

technically, really nothing.

- It's stupid.

- And a waste of money.

What else do you have?

Right. No.

Forget the bird.

Yeah, just a little side project

to sort of whet your appetite.

Ooh, come here!

Feast your eyes on

the future of sports!

Hmm? Bats hit.

Clubs swing.

Ooh, all on their own!

Oh!

You see, the automated motion,

it teaches kids to play sports

with the proper form.

Ooh, look at this!

Oh!

Oh my God, are you OK,

Mr. Montgomery?

- It's all right.

- Be careful!

You call that a punch?

No, I don't think so.

Thank you for

your patience, sir.

Yeah, hey, we're just

getting warmed up!

Right, Dimitri?

OK.

Now, this next one

is for the parents.

And I call it Slow Ray.

Watching a baby

when you have other

household responsibilities,

it's challenging because

they're all over the place.

falling, getting

into everything.

But if you slow them down...

Ahh...

How far can they go?

Hmm? How much can they destroy?

That is fascinating,

but how is the effect reversed?

Thank you, Doctor!

What happens

if you shoot your kid

with the fast mode first?

- Good point.

- Oh, well...

So far I've seen

absolutely nothing

worth mentioning to the board.

If anything,

hearing what you have to say

has mad me stupider.

Are we done yet?

- I think we're done.

- My dad always has problems.

No, no, no!

No, we're not done!

There's still one more

invention left!

- There is?

- Yeah.

Um, this is something

that I've been working on

since my Ph.D. days.

It's a machine

that allows adults

to speak baby language!

Yeah!

All due respect, sir,

but have you lost your mind?

Not now.

Not now.

You're telling me

that parents would be able

to talk with their babies.

It will revolutionize

parenting as we know it.

Now you're speaking my language.

There's just one tiny

little itty-bitty problem.

- We don't like problems.

- We don't do that word.

Well, it's still sort of

in the testing phase.

Godfrey, how much

would you say you enjoy

working here at Cuddledyne?

A whole lot?

Not so much?

- Get off me!

- No, you get off!

Now, now, possums,

these two beds

are exactly the same.

Martha, I built both

these beds with my bare hands.

Sammy is right.

That one is better!

Not to mention the view.

Huh?

Stop teasing the kids!

Come on, they're both

exactly the same.

Oh, look!

It's the first star.

You know, if you wish on it,

your dreams will come true.

I wished on it

that I would meet someone

wonderful like your grandpa,

and I did!

Are you saying that

we can make a wish?

Uh-huh.

But make sure your wish counts.

Good night, angel.

Good night.

Good night, Grandpa.

And don't let the bedbugs bite!

You know, Grandma and Grandpa

are pretty cool.

I have a wish.

I wish that kids...

ruled the world.

And I wish you would

stop talking so I can sleep!

You know, we should build

an underwater city, too.

That way, people would have

a place to live

once global warming

melts the polar icecaps

and floods the world.

That's a good idea.

- How's my little Chaz-mataz?

- Hey, Dad.

Today, you're gonna be

my little helper.

How does that sound?

- I'd love to help you.

- OK.

Come here.

Uh, listen...

I want to show you something

that's gonna make

both our lives better.

How's that sound?

- You made me a robot?

- Not quite.

Dimitri, it's time.

Da.

All right, look, Chaz,

I just need you to sit in here

and be still, all right?

It's completely safe.

I designed it myself.

Trust me.

I'm your father!

You'll be the first child

who will be able to

communicate with babies!

You'll know baby language.

Our lives will be

completely changed after this.

Some father you are!

We are about to make history!

You say that at all

your demonstrations.

Yeah, I know.

OK, Son!

Initiating uplink

to maternity ward.

Connecting to baby subject.

I can't believe

you'd do this to your own son!

I'd make a better father

than you!

How can you test a machine on me

that doesn't even work?

I hate this machine!

I hate it! I hate it!

Malfunction. Malfunction.

No! Chaz!

You care more

about work than me!

That's not true!

I am pulling the plug

on this program!

When I'm finished with you,

you'll be lucky if you get

a job flipping burgers!

Hickory, dickory, dare,

the pigs flew up in the air!

Hickory, dickory, dare,

the kids flew up in the air!

Hickory, dickory, dare,

the pigs flew up in the air!

Hickory, dickory, dare...

Oh, Dad, I got so scared!

Almost pooped my pants!

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