Orlando Page #3

---

To the manly virtues.

Loyalty.

Courage.

Take me to your master

my dear fellow.

I said, take me to your master.

Do you speak English?

Do you speak English?

Now look I can assure you

he'll would want to see me.

Just let me pass those, good now.

Lord Orlando?

I.. erh...

May I present myself, I

am the archduke Harry.

Emissary from her majesty.

I have come to inform you that your

ten years here as ambassador...

...have been well

appreciated by her majesty.

would like to celebrate

the new century...

...by raising you...

...to the highest rank...

...in the...

...peerage.

Ahh.

There must be a party.

well of course one must demonstrate

the gravity of an investiture,

A large party, food

and entertainment.

But of course you know

that they call customs

Exactly who you should invite,

to the ball. Who's who.

Strange.

Most strange.

Perhaps they don't hold

punctuality in high regard?

As a representative of

her majesty Queen Anne.

I am pleased...

...and honoured...

...to bestow the most

noble Order of the Bath...

...upon this...

...loyal servant...

...for ambassadorial

services rendered...

...to the Crown...

...and...

...for the glory of god.

I'm sorry to arrive in this

fashion but we must talk.

But this is outrageous.

I was expecting you as a

guest at my party, I...

...didn't realize you were

entertaining hostilities.

I was warned that Englishman

would be dangerous for me.

I would like to give you an

opportunity to prove this wrong.

Then let me introduce you, this is

the archduke Harry from England.

Delighted.

Orlando.

Our enemies are at the city wall.

Will you help?

You wish me to take arms?

Truly Orlando you an

Englishman are not afraid?

Sir.

My Lord.

Despite these appalling manners...

...we must keep our interests

alive in this region.

What do you recommend.

Harry, distribute your arms.

- But these fellows?

Do as I say.

- But sir.

Follow me.

Brother.

Leave him.

Leave him.

This is a dying man.

He's not a man, he's the enemy.

Same person.

No difference at all.

Just a different sex.

Well, here I am again.

Some more invitations my lady.

Is not this the lady famed

for her literary gatherings?

Yes ma'am, but you could not

possibly venture there. Alone.

Why ever not?

Society ma'am is full of dangerous

individuals, which and... poets.

Where you walk, call gale

shall find the glade.

And how is your leg now Mr Swift?

I have to tell you that

the gout have left...

...my left leg and is

travelled to my right.

Aah, the conversation is of legs.

Gout Mr Pope.

You are an expert in this field?

I believe I can say I

have some knowledge.

A little learning is

a dangerous thing.

Mr Pope, I must write

that down at once.

I already have madam.

If taken as a science the study of

ailments can be quite fascinating.

Indeed I believe science to

be interesting than poetry.

Do you?

Appraise sir, Elaborate.

We.. well the systematic

study, exploration...

...and taming of the

material world...

...is surely a proper

occupation for a man.

Compared to which...

...the introvert

art of scribbling...

...wishfully...

...the occupation of...of...

...a fool?

So I admit a general rule

that every poet is a fool.

But you yourself may

server to show it.

That every fool is not a poet.

Mr Pope, you're

pleased to be witty.

They are all words and

no breeding archduke.

But so amusing.

- Countess, forgive me.

But the young lady

who has joined us...

...bears the extraordinary

resemblance to...

The Lady Orlando.

Orlando.

I were so proud of you Harry.

The Order of the Bath.

Marvellous. Cream?

Well how pleasant it

is I'd live to sip...

...tea in the presence

of a gracious lady.

Do you Pestradus.

As our good friend Dr

Johnson says Every...

...man is or desires

to be an... idler.

Perhaps not every woman Mr Swift.

Women have no desires,

only affectation.

Indeed women are but

children of larger growth.

Aah, but I consider woman to be

a beautiful romantic animal.

Who should be adorned in...

Furs and feathers,

pearls and diamonds.

Apart from my wife of course.

Will insist upon

attempting to learn Greek.

It's so very unbecoming I

can hardly tolerate her...

...company at the breakfast

table. Why do they do it?

Oh, every woman is adverse to

contradiction and frankly...

...most women have no

characters at all.

Present company accepted of course.

Oh, the lady is aflame.

And silent.

Perfect.

Gentlemen.

I find it strange.

You are poets, each one of you and

speak of your muse in the feminine.

And yet you appear to feel

neither tenderness...

...nor respect towards your wives

nor towards females in general.

Madam. I have only

the highest regard...

...and purest respect for females.

I find no evidence of that

sentiment in your conversation.

Conversation is a place where

plays with ideas my dear lady.

The one forges them quite alone.

Quite so.

- Quite. Quite.

The intellect is a solitary place.

And therefore quite unsuitable a

terrain for females who must...

...discover their

natures through...

...the guidance of

a father or husband.

And if she has neither?

Then...

However charming she

may be dear lady...

She is lost.

None of us knew what had happened.

It is extraordinary.

And to think we could have

been so charmingly misled.

Dear Lady. Orlando.

The same.

We wish to inform you.

Madam.

That you are a party to several

major lawsuits that have...

...been preferred against

you concerning the property.

The family seat.

Pray continue.

Erh heh.

One:
You are legally

dead and therefore...

...cannot hold any

property whatsoever.

Ah.

Fine.

Two:
You are now female.

Which amounts much the same thing.

Pending the legal

judgment however..

You have the laws permission

to reside in the property...

...in a state of incognito.

- Or incognita as the case may be.

Harry.

There is only one solution

in your current predicament.

Indeed.

I can offer you a house

to rival your own.

I don't quite understand.

I confess.

Orlando, to me you were and always

will be, weather male or female...

The pink the pearl and the

perfection of yourself?

I'm offering you my hand.

Oh. Archduke.

That is very kind of you, yes.

I can't accept.

But I...

I, am England.

And you are mine.

I see.

On what grounds?

That I adore you.

And this means that

I belong to you?

Are you refusing me?

- I am, I'm sorry.

But Orlando.

With your history quite

frankly who else will have you?

Do you realize what

you're turning down?

With your ambiguous sexuality

which I am prepared to tolerate.

This is your last chance

of respectability.

Can't breathe.

You will die a spinster,

dispossessed and alone.

Spinster.

Alone.

Nature, nature, I'm

your bride. Take me.

You're hurt ma'am?

I'm dead, sir.

Dead. That's serious. Can I help?

Will you marry me?

Ma'am... I would gladly... um, I...

but I fear my ankle is twisted.

What's that?

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote