Oslo, 31. august Page #2

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say, "Anders took an OD."

When Iselin left, -

- I was almost certain that was it.

"I'll lose Anders."

I guess I distanced myself from you.

Why not go back to Iselin?

I think...

She doesn't want to talk to me.

Don't you think things have changed?

Iselin is strong. She kept calling

me whenever you disappeared.

Asked me to help look for you.

I must admit I gave up after a while.

But Iselin never gave up.

Yeah, but there you have it.

It doesn't mean enough to me.

I looked forward to meeting Malin.

But when I saw her, I'd no idea

what I'd made such a fuss about.

Iselin is different. You loved her.

No, I didn't.

Don't be stupid.

You were completely lost in her.

That was when I started shooting up.

Like, I got some money today.

My first thought was to use it for heroin.

It just instinctively popped into my mind.

Going back there isn't an option.

It's a reflex.

It doesn't mean you'll do it.

But it's not about heroin, not really.

Look at me. I'm 34 years old.

I have nothing.

I can't start from scratch.

Don't you understand?

- I know it's not easy...

- I don't want pity.

I know that.

I'm just saying you can still make it.

- Make what?

- Lots of stuff.

You've got a family to back you up,

friends, brains. Like, come on!

Look at the others at rehab.

They don't have those opportunities.

Sure, but they're happy.

- to work in a warehouse and

have kids with some ex-raver.

- Be a loser, if that's what you want.

- No it's not what I want.

F***, I didn't come here to...

I don't need you to tell

me to get my act together.

- So I'm way out of line?

- No you're not. Sorry.

Remember what you once said?

"If someone wants to destroy himself,

society should allow him to do so."

Sounds like something I'd say.

I was probably thinking about

promoting junk food, or -

- criminalizing prostitution.

I don't know. But you're not...

I'm a spoilt brat who f***ed up.

If you're unsentimental about it,

nobady needs me. Not really.

You expect me to be

unsentimental about this?

No.

I'm just trying to...

I just want you to understand.

If that's how it ends,

it's a choice I've made.

But you can't go telling me that.

That's horrible, Anders.

I mean, you mustn't do it,

no matter what happens.

I can't relate to you telling me

you're planning to commit suicide.

Is that what you're saying?

What do you think it'll do to your parents?

I don't know. They'd assume it's an OD.

Happens all the time.

You've had these thoughts before.

They've always passed.

It's hell while it lasts, but...

Except it won't.

Oh, come on.

Come on what?

You got through it before.

I mean, if you have to look

at your life from the outside...

If you have the time, like you had.

I think anyone would get depressed.

Well, maybe.

But it's pretty f***ed up.

I see happy people.

I've always thought happy

people must be morons.

They are morons.

Obviously.

Yeah.

But you two are happy.

And you're not morons, are you?

Sometimes I wonder.

It's like, "What are we doing?"

And "happy" would probably be to exaggerate.

But it's okay.

You could get there, if

that's what you want.

Well, it's not like I

want to live your life.

I mean...

I don't want kids.

They're cute enough, but...

-Is that what it takes? -No.

And research is your thing.

I never thought it was that

thrilling to scrutinise Rilke, -

- dissect sentences, write

articles nobody reads.

- It seems meaningless to me.

- Well, there goes my existence.

-Is that how you see my life?

-Hey...

Sorry. I just... I only meant to say...

You're good at all that.

My head is bursting with trivialities.

I can't sort them out. My back is a mess.

Probably from sitting too much.

And now I'm caught up in renovating

the flats where we live.

The other owners just

dump everything on me.

I've got two upcoming lectures that

I've got to start preparing, one -

- on Wergeland's tenure as

Keeper of the National Archives.

Yeah, it sucs. I can't focus on anything.

Rebekka and I hardly have sex anymore.

Not at all, really.

To top it up, albert's

got some kind of rash, -

- and I have to find an ointment.

It's like... I don't know.

I can't even choose my own company.

People with kids that Julia likes.

And that's not many.

So there we sit, pretending to have fun.

Two glasses of wine.

That's as good as it gets.

Frigging pathetic.

After Albert came, I

hoped to start writing.

But I haven't done sh*t.

Rebekka and I hardly talk anymore.

I got a Playstation.

We sit and play Battlefield. Drink beer.

We accept some invitations, then

decide we'd rather stay at home.

We tell the babysitter something's come up.

We sit there, playing Battlefield.

And Rebecca is really brutal.

Takes dog tags from other players, -

- then executes them to

humiliate them properly.

And that's like the best part.

What a life.

Sorry, I had to laugh.

Want to wait for your sister

at my place?

- I think I'll catch the job interview.

- Really?

Why not? It'll probably

be a disaster.

But I have to rush.

It's at two.

- Want me to walk with you?

- No, I'll be okay.

Join us for dinner.

Calle and Mirjam are having a party.

They'd love to see you.

I don't think so.

Now don't do anything stupid.

You'd f*** me up so bad.

-Promise? -I promise.

Come to the party. And...

Give my regards to your siste.

Good luck with the job interview.

Bye.

Hi, Iselin. It's Anders.

Well, I know it's late

where you are, but...

You probably don't want to talk to me.

I've got a new number.

So if there's anything...

Please call me when you hear this.

It's 985 45 376.

Right. It's kind of important,

so if you...

I'd really like to talk to you.

Okay. Bye.

Excuse me?

David Molvaer, is he here?

It's about the editorial assistant position.

David!

Do you read our publication?

-Yeah

-Well, go on, what do you think?

I like it. Uh...

I think the last couple of

issues show great improvement.

I like the new layout.

You're still a little too...

- Your profile is perhaps a bit vague.

- In what way?

Well, you resemble the The Window,

which makes it hard to set you apart.

Specially when they're

better in some areas.

- Really? Like what?

- You do many things well.

But take the article on Mad Men

and The Man Without Qualities.

It's not a bad idea as such.

But there are many of these -

- intellectual articles on HBO

TV series and video games.

It feels a bit like a media studies paper.

You know what I mean?

Samantha in Sex in the City

seen through Schopenhauer.

People want something a bit

lighter to read in between.

But the articles still

have to be well written.

In the long term I hope to expand

into the English language market.

We'd lose our public grants, but

opening up the English market -

- would allow us to specialise.

That sounds great.

My girlfriend works in New York,

so I have some contacts there.

- You've written for the Morning Post?

- Yeah.

- You write well.

- You think so?

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