Our Grand Despair

I can't get it out of my mind.

Those voices.

That noise.

What do we do now?

Everyone will go back to their lives.

Even me.

I need to go back to Berlin.

It's just too bad.

Let's get some fresh air.

You'll be fine.

Come on.

Nihal can't stay alone.

Not in that apartment.

She'll see Mom and Dad...

everywhere she looks.

We have no one in Ankara.

Only you two.

OUR GRAND DESPAIR

What time is it?

Midnight.

Just don't be good to me.

Don't be good to me.

Nihal... Look at you.

Come in.

Where did you get so drunk?

- At Sevil's.

We drank a bit. Nihal, too.

She cried and threw up.

Did she talk about her parents

or the accident?

No.

Bora was there too.

- Who?

We'd better go, it's late.

Good night.

- Good night.

Take it off.

Don't be good to me.

Don't be good to me.

I'm off.

Do we have any aspirin?

Sure, I'll give her some.

What are we gonna do?

She's going to be trouble.

See you.

Nihal, can you answer the phone?

She'll come.

She won't.

Dinner's ready!

I'm not hungry!

Let's eat.

Thanks.

Cetin!

Look at us.

Since high school, we've dreamt of

living together, chilling out...

It hasn't even been three months.

Like summer vacation during school.

Now we're like daddies.

Should we talk to Fikret?

Tell him something?

What if something happens to her?

What would we say?

I saw bugs, man.

Something happened.

I think someone died in the building.

We're going out!

Where are you going?

For a walk and to eat something.

Can I come, too?

I really love cats.

Sometimes I wish

I were like them.

Carefree creatures.

They observe everything

and feel everything,

but pretend not to care.

They just watch from a corner.

Did you know there's

a street called Catlover?

Really?

In Ulus.

Just an ordinary street,

but its name is lovely.

Yes, it's really nice.

How's school by the way?

Can you concentrate?

I just get so bored sometimes,

I could explode.

Try to hold on.

I will.

I can't stand the idea

of school lasting longer.

I want to live in Istanbul.

Don't you like Ankara?

Not really.

While at school in Istanbul

or working overseas in construction,

I really missed Ankara.

Ender's letters described

everything here so beautifully.

Enough?

Yes.

Or you could peel one more clove.

We caught bigger ones

with harpoons in Libya.

Really?

- He even has pictures. Right?

A big harpooned fish,

him looking proud.

Show them to Nihal.

They get scary

if you run into a whole school.

Have you read all these books?

Not all.

But some more than once.

For example...

I keep coming back to this book.

You can tell

by the fruit stains on its pages.

This one's orange for instance.

Right.

Ender insists the dishwasher

makes the glasses smell like eggs.

It doesn't smell. Check.

You're squinting.

- What?

Your eyes became squinted.

It doesn't smell, does it?

Honestly, you two

are so funny.

See how Nihal is on your team?

Of course!

She also has good taste!

Feta goes well with jam,

especially strawberry.

What a joke!

I knew a guy who put apricot

jam on grilled meatballs.

What do you gourmets say about that?

Let's not exaggerate!

We're fine.

Right, Nihal?

- Feta and jam forever!

Shall we go to the movies?

Want to walk eyes closed?

We used to do that

when we were kids. I liked it a lot.

When you close your eyes and walk like this,

you feel a sweet dizziness after a while.

Come on.

No cheating.

Close your eyes.

Ender? Ender?

I'm here. Come on.

Ender!

Come and listen to this song.

Did you speak with Nihal?

About the accident I mean.

Talk to her.

Tell her about

what you and your brother went through.

She shouldn't feel alone.

Or think we don't understand her.

OK, I will.

My brother told me.

You were in the car, too.

How old were you?

Eight.

My brother was 18.

What's up?

- Not much, you? - Nothing.

Listen,

is Nihal home?

- Yes, why?

Is she with you?

- No, she's in her room.

In her room, good... Listen,

we shouldn't pee standing.

How should we pee?

Into the toilet!

Don't make me yell here,

you deaf a**hole.

Our bathroom toilet.

- Yes?

Yes! When we pee standing, it splashes.

It'd be embarrassing

if she saw pee stains.

You're right.

We're real pigs!

Exactly!

Listen...

We sit and pee from now on.

And the protocol for washing underwear?

As you've become such a gentleman!

Shut the f*** up!

We'll talk about this later.

Ender and I studied

together in high school.

I mean he used to help me.

He was better at school.

He even passed me the answers

during exams.

Without him, I might not have graduated.

My brother always says

I'm secretly stupid.

Don't say that.

It makes me sad.

You put bergamot in it.

Yes, I did.

So what?

My God!

What a woman Sevgi was!

Why are you blaming Sevgi?

She dumped you but you're

still under her spell.

The wounded lover

still imitating her. Constantly!

Shut your fat mouth!

No more bergamot for you?

Now it's chamomile for your nerves!

And making yogurt at home? Why?

Because Sevgi used to!

Why are you still celebrating Labor Day?

Protesting prisons and stuff?

Wanna hear more?

You wanna hear more?

- Yes.

Unlike you

and all those bourgeois urban asses,

I don't ask the butcher "Do you have meat?"

or the fruit vendor "Do you have apples?"

Get it?

I don't become a clown singing songs

in English in front of women.

I don't get a tattoo in the middle of the

night because my girlfriend wants me to.

Whatever.

Call me when you want more tea, a**hole.

How are you?

- Fine.

How did you meet Cetin?

Like all good friends, we met fighting.

You two used to fight?

There were rumors about Cetin at school.

Almost everyone knew

his parents died in a car crash.

And that he lived with his brother.

For some reason we were scared of him.

While working on the school newspaper,

Cetin, Fikret and I,

we got closer.

My brother Fikret?

- Yes, of course.

You weren't even born yet.

We used to go to Cetin's.

His brother Murat was at work all day.

Sometimes he went

on long business trips.

Cetin and I had fun inventing

recipes and cooking together.

We'd eat, and if we felt like it,

we'd call Fikret to say

"we left some for you."

Seems you didn't like my brother.

On the contrary.

We really liked him.

Recently we kind of grew apart,

but we really like him.

Cetin and I, our friendship

was different.

It was like a romance.

We had crushes on girls,

but we didn't have girlfriends.

After high school Cetin and

his brother moved to Istanbul.

We were lost, like fish out of water.

We missed each other like crazy.

We spoke on the phone every day.

After Cetin went to Istanbul,

I searched for him

in every man and woman I met.

In women, too?

Yes, in women, too.

Even in green plums.

One day I went to Istanbul

when Murat was away on business.

Cetin had a girlfriend, Serap.

His first one.

As we were

getting ready for bed,

apparently he said to her...

"Let's have Ender sleep on the floor

here with us or he'll be upset."

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