Paper Heart Page #3

all the time people come here

to get married...

sometimes 10 a day,

sometimes five a day,

at least 300 a month.

Do you have any favorite stories

from working here?

I've been here 491/2 years

at the Little White Chapel

and do I have favorite stories?

Every one of them is a favorite story to me.

Everybody that gets married here

is very very special.

We had this guy,

and what he did was

when he was asked "Do you take

this bride to be your lawful wedded wife?"

He took this coin out

and he flicked this coin

and he went..."I do."

- Wasn't that funny?

- Yeah, that was funny.

And I thought,

"You're in so much trouble."

He is still suffering

to this day for that one, you know.

But he thought it was funny.

Two weeks ago a guy comes in.

He goes, "Elvis, come here."

He calls me up to the front.

He goes...

I go, "Where's your bride?"

He goes, "In the bathroom.

But come here, I got a problem."

I go, "What's the problem?"

He goes, "I don't know her last name."

I said, "You don't know whose last name?"

He's like, "My bride."

I said, "You don't know her last name?

How long have you been together?"

When I saw him look at his watch

I thought, "Here we go."

He goes, "About 21/2 hours."

I said, "Sir, that's a minor detail.

You learn that on the honeymoon.

Right now you get married

and you'll deal with the small stuff

like the last name later."

As long as the check clears...

hey hey!

Thank you very much. No.

So when you get married

would you like to come here?

If I get married.

If I find somebody.

What would you like?

Just pretend you're getting married.

Just pretend

I'm getting married?

- I like that one that you pulled out.

- This one?

- Yeah.

- Are you gonna try that one on?

- Okay.

- Come on.

Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Nice to see you.

All you have to remember

is "I do,"

and then "Yes, dear,"

for the rest of your life, okay?

All rise for the bride.

Thank you.

You can be seated.

By the powers vested in me

by the State of Nevada,

and as minister of the

Wee Kirk o' the Heather Wedding Chapel,

I now pronounce you and present you

as husband and wife.

And, Chuck, here's the best part...

you may kiss your bride.

Love is 30 minutes

in bed with a Harley.

Hey, you ever drink a Jgerbomb?

You drink enough of these...

you'll wake up with an ugly girl

and be happy.

They come here every day.

It's a love of friendship.

These people will

go out of their way.

If you need a motorcycle part

and I got it, I'm gonna give it to you.

I'm gonna go in my tool bag

and I'm gonna give you the tool.

I'll give you what I got.

I'm not asking nothing for it,

but next time you see me messed up

you're gonna help me.

It's a love

that's better than family,

'cause most of my family's here.

Thanksgiving dinner is here.

Christmas dinner is here.

And that's true love right there.

- That's what love is here.

- We love each other.

Sometimes we can't stand each other,

but we love each other.

We fight and cuss one another,

but we all love

one another here.

Yeah, I love you too.

So that's the kind of love

you need to know.

Love to other people

that don't know bikers

is different.

I love my wife, but if you ask

anybody around here,

I treat her like sh*t.

Yeah, he does.

When I stop picking on her,

she gets worried.

I don't know nothing

about relationships.

I know I love my wife.

We have a love-hate relationship...

I love to beat her;

she hates the beatings.

That's a joke.

So do you believe in love now?

- Uh, no no.

- No?

Are you ready to go

for that motorcycle ride?

Really?

- Let's go.

- Okay.

You might accidentally get out

there and fall in love with old Jester.

Okay.

- No.

- Chuck, hold on tight.

Please, God, let me live.

- I lived.

- You probably have bugs in your...

I've never seen her smile so big.

You just made her world.

What do you think?

You want to ride a Harley now?

- Yeah, I want to get one.

- Tattoos and sh*t too?

Yeah.

Come on.

Who are you instant-messaging with?

Michael.

Michael Cera?

Yep.

What are you and Michael Cera

instant-messaging about?

He says... I don't know,

he's being annoying.

He said if I wanted to elope

and I said...

He asked if you wanted to elope?

"No, I don't know you."

That's pretty cool.

Why is it pretty cool?

I didn't know you and Mike

were kind of like that.

I thought you guys were more

just friends.

What?

I didn't do anything.

I didn't ask him to get married.

I just said...

Easy easy.

I'll drop it. I'll drop it.

- Well, we're here at the Los Angeles Zoo...

- Zoo.

Because Charlyne...

...had a brilliant idea to come here

and hopefully capture

how animals express

their version of love.

How do you think we're gonna

go about doing that?

Do you have any ideas

what the scenes are gonna be?

Yeah, I'm gonna stay far

and watch from a distance

so I don't interrupt.

So we're at the zoo observing Charlyne

observing the animals, right?

Yes.

Wow, they're so in love.

I see movement.

They're breathing.

All right, Chuck,

you want to wrap it up, dude?

Now I'm not sure exactly

what they're talking about.

- Hey, there's Mike.

- One can...

Hey, Ben, you want to grab Mike

coming up too?

Hey.

- Hey, man.

- Hey, man.

- What's up?

- Good seeing you.

- How's it going?

- Everybody remembers Mike?

- Hey.

- You remember Charlyne, of course.

- How's it going?

- Good, man. Thanks for making it out.

You guys have been getting

some lion footage?

Yeah, I'm just looking at them.

He's being trying to make love to Cookie,

and she's not that interested.

Oh, yeah? That's too bad.

I know how that goes.

Um, I don't want to interrupt.

- Well, hang back.

- Yeah, keep going.

Do you want to just do one more

and we'll go see the chimps?

Uh, well, where were we, guys?

So you guys have been looking

at these lions for a while?

Yeah, about 45 minutes.

- They've just been lying there?

- Yeah.

- So this is a deleted scene.

- Yeah.

- This will never be in the movie.

- Yeah, right.

I see why people put chimps

on gift cards and things.

And I want to think of, like,

a clever thing to say

about how his legs are crossed,

like, "Working on my novel."

I want to put that on a gift card.

We're not

doing anything, are we?

No, I think we're just

getting a B-roll.

Cool. Do you mind

if we just take a snack break?

No, take your time.

- Are you getting food?

- A snack break.

- Yeah, I'll go.

- Okay.

I'm gonna get some food too.

I haven't eaten.

Anything all day?

No, just this water.

Is it delicious?

Yeah, just not as filling

as one might hope.

What if you moved

a little bit more that way,

so everything she says you get

the giraffes in the background too?

Guys, sorry, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna take off.

- You're taking off?

- Yeah yeah, bye, guys.

- Thanks for coming by, man.

- Yeah, no problem. Bye.

I'll call you tomorrow

about the weekend.

Okay.

What's going on this weekend?

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