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Paper Heart Page #5
of ordering the BL
is saying, "I'll have a BLT,"
and the simplicity of it,
- and they know what you want.
- Well, mine is pretty simple.
It just doesn't have the bacon.
It has cheese and pickles.
The sandwich is simple,
but ordering it isn't simple, I mean.
So just order your weird
pickle cheese sandwich...
Whatever.
...and say, "Can you bring me
all the fixings?"
What are you gonna get?
I want to say that to the waiter.
Yeah, sounds very exotic.
He'll look at me and think,
"Oh, this guy gets around."
Pretend I'm the waiter.
Hi, can I take your order, please?
- You got it.
Now.
I really didn't like you
when I first met you.
Yeah, I know.
How could you tell?
Well, it was pretty obvious.
Yeah?
You were pretty hasty
with your judgment.
- Was I?
- Little did you know
that I would be someone
that would be taking you out to lunch.
And you kept avoiding me.
And you kept
walking away from me.
You really didn't like me.
Yes.
Okay, I won't waste your time.
Hey.
Sorry that took so long.
That didn't go as I planned.
- You're a jerk. You're awful.
- I didn't think it would take that long.
I had to walk
all the way around.
I just thought
Sorry. Did you think
I really left?
Yeah.
Funny, though, right?
I'll pay for your lunch.
You're bribing me?
You're bribing my heart?
Yeah.
That's right.
Oh.
- Turn turn turn!
- Wow.
Argh!
Whoa.
Give it a throw.
There it is.
Oh.
Hey, guys,
you guys want to do
anything like...
anything like an arm around each other
or a kiss or anything?
This is fine.
- Forget it then.
- Thanks for the tip.
Keep going, whatever you guys
wanna do.
They weren't into it.
How did you guys meet?
First time we didn't meet, actually.
- First time we didn't meet.
- He stood me up.
- Really? Why?
- I didn't.
I was supposed to meet him
at a restaurant.
Go ahead and tell the story,
or the lie.
- You tell the lie.
- Yeah, go for it.
We set out to meet.
I had just moved to town.
He said, "Do you know this place?"
I said, "Yeah."
I didn't know the place.
I went to the wrong restaurant
and I'm like, "That's not the restaurant
I thought it was."
And so I had to think
quick on my feet.
I just like called, "Uh, I had to take
my nephew to the hospital.
Sorry." So I lied.
So I meet him a week later and I was like,
"Oh, so how is your nephew doing?"
He's like, "What do you mean?"
- Busted.
- I'm a really bad liar.
Your second date, when you actually met,
what happened there?
I think we had sex.
- Second date... yeah, I think, yeah.
- Oh.
- We're gay. That's what you do.
- Yeah, no.
- Really?
- Not really. I don't know, maybe.
Not all gay guys, but we do.
I think it was something
really charming
- like a parking lot.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah, it was.
- Not me.
You guys met at a parking lot
and you guys did it?
No, not in the parking lot, no.
We went back to his house
and watched a movie, I think.
Check this out...
when I'm in his house...
- I forgot how much dirt he has on me.
...you're looking at the sh*t
people have on their
mantel and stuff,
and like, "Oh, books books,
tchotchke,
dead boyfriend,
books, books, tchotchke."
- He had his dead boyfriend cremated...
- His ashes.
- Oh, man.
I was like, "That's a little creepy."
It was really creepy.
Do you guys want
to get married?
He proposed.
I said no.
People that I know are married
aren't happy,
most of them,
the straight ones.
And the gay ones
It's like, what's the point?
And for us it's not real.
And you believe in marriage?
Basically if a piece of paper says
that he can be covered
by my insurance...
- that's a good thing.
- Yeah.
And we've been together 10 years.
He doesn't have insurance.
Have you guys ever had
your heart broken?
Um, a lot, actually.
When you're gay and, like, you...
I'm not really attracted
to effeminate dudes,
so when you're in high school,
you're growing up,
you're in college or whatever,
you tend to fall for the straight guy.
And that doesn't tend
to work out.
What about you?
I didn't have my heart broken
so much.
You know, I had an ex in a box.
It wasn't like he broke my heart...
- Yeah.
...did anything to me,
but, you know, he died on me,
the bastard.
It's like, you could have just said,
"I don't like you anymore," and left.
But no, he had to die.
I can't with my left hand.
Jab jab, boom!
Good, come at me now.
One, two, strike!
The other night I had this dream.
And I was onstage
and a spotlight hit me,
and when I looked down
I was wearing this beautiful pink dress
and my hair was
all blonde and curly.
I tried to do magic
before my song,
but it didn't work.
It was like...
it was like I'd lost my zing.
Do you think it's 'cause
you're with Mike
and you're afraid you're becoming,
like, all girlie and stuff?
I don't know.
I've never been one of the girls, you know?
- Yeah.
- I want to be his girlfriend,
but I don't want to be
"the girlfriend."
I mean, no one ever
remembers "the girlfriend."
Sure. You want to be
one of the dudes.
I am one of the dudes.
Well...
How would you define
a divorce?
definition of divorce
is the taking of two people
who once proclaimed
their love for each other
and separating them
as far as you can apart.
Why is there so many divorces?
Well, one thing is they're not
getting to know each other enough
before they decide to get married,
and they get married too quick.
That could be one thing.
And another thing is, you know,
we're not a very patient society.
And so I think that maybe people
get into relationships,
and if they're not exactly
the way they want them
and there's no quick fix,
they just give up.
Do you think that this job
has given you perspective on love
or changed it at all?
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, the people I see in here...
makes me realize
that there are many many people
more dysfunctional than I.
That's nice.
That's reassuring.
When we go home at night,
we've spent all day
hearing clients,
or people in his court,
you know, say terrible things
about each other
and talk about the terrible ways
they're treated each other.
We both go home at night and think,
"Whew, aren't we lucky?
We don't have all those problems."
a different perspective, I think.
If you can hang in there
and you really love 'em,
it gets better all the time.
Well, that, and the learning to overlook
other people's shortcomings.
We all have bad breath
when we wake up in the morning.
That's true.
Accepting the fact
that just because he says,
"Pull this finger," and giggles...
you can get along with that.
Sally and I met in Houston in,
oh, I guess, 1980.
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"Paper Heart" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/paper_heart_15548>.
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