Paranoiac Page #3

Surely you knew.

If you are who

you claim to be...

where have you been?

Does it matter?

Yes, we'll check on it.

On every move you say you've

made for the past eight years.

That shouldn't be difficult,

I've nothing to hide.

You always were very honest,

weren't you, brother?

Simon, we don't know...

No, Aunty,

we don't know, do we?

Still, let's be democratic

about the whole thing.

Innocent until proven guilty.

Look...

our little sister has returned

from a watery grave.

So has our brother, Simon.

Well said,

little sister.

Are you sure you ought

to be up so soon, Eleanor?

Yes, I've never felt better

in my life.

Isn't it wonderful

to have him back with us?

Yes, indeed.

We're all thrilled.

Dinner is served, Miss Ashby.

Well, shall we?

Although I'm not dressed

for the occasion.

That doesn't matter.

I left my clothes

at the hotel.

We'll send

the car for them later.

Williams has gone to bed.

I said I'd stay up for you.

Thank you.

Is that all?

Yes, I've been traveling

for eight years.

I find it easier

to travel light.

Always on the move.

Until now.

You must tell

us all about it.

It sounds fascinating.

We've put you

in Tony's old room.

I probably

won't recognize it.

It's been so long.

No, probably not.

Still,

you remember where it is?

Yes, thank you. After you.

No.

I think I'll stay

down here for a bit.

After you.

Goodnight, brother.

Tony!

Tony, there you are.

I've been looking

for you everywhere.

Well, now you've found me.

Come and sit down.

You've got to get back

to the house.

Mr. Kossett

is here to see you.

Kossett?

Yes, you remember.

Old Mr. Kossett, the lawyer.

Old Mr. Kossett.

I thought you meant Keith.

No.

Tony, Simon,

and Harriet are with him.

They'll try to trick you.

Be careful.

How do you do, young man?

You certainly look the part,

I must say.

How are you, Mr. Kossett?

So, you know me?

Yes, of course I do.

Then you'll know what I gave

you for your tenth birthday.

I'm sorry.

Your tenth birthday,

what did I give you?

Don't you remember?

I do.

Then you have

a better memory than I do.

I haven't the faintest idea.

Of course he hasn't.

He's an imposter.

Wait a minute.

On my ninth birthday

you gave me a fountain pen.

My eleventh...

a bicycle I think it was...

and for my twelfth, a train.

But my tenth,

I really can't remember.

I see.

All right, young man, suppose

we get down to brass tacks.

Who are you

and what do you want?

I'm Tony Ashby.

You're not going to take

his word for it?

No, Harriet, I'm not.

I have a number of questions

I want to ask.

Have you any objection

to my asking them here?

No.

Sit down.

Thank you.

Your full name?

Antony James Ashby.

Mother and father's names?

John and Mary.

Whereabouts?

They are dead.

They were killed in an

airplane crash 11 years ago.

Where were they going

at that time?

New York.

Both of them?

I'm asking the questions,

Harriet.

Then ask him sensible ones.

Any newspaper

could tell him these.

Please allow me

to do this my way.

I know what that means.

What?

You want him

to be Tony, don't you?

Simon.

It's true, Aunt Harriet.

Our Mr. Kossett doesn't particularly

like me, do you, Kossett?

Whether I like you or not has

no bearing on what I have to do.

Doesn't it?

You'll excuse me

if I don't stay...

to watch the farce,

won't you?

Simon, where are you going?

If you want to stay here

and watch...

these people rob me,

you're welcome.

Simon, please.

I'm going for a drive.

I shall probably get drunk.

Coming, Aunt Harriet?

See what you're doing to him?

I see him behaving abominably,

which is nothing new, is it?

Perhaps if you'll leave

us alone, we can get on.

No, I'm staying.

Please yourself, Harriet.

Yes, now your brother

had a pony, what was its name?

No, he didn't.

Yes he did, he did, John.

No, Aunt Harriet.

I had the pony.

But he made such a fuss,

we had to pretend...

it was his. You remember?

It was your idea.

What was its name?

Lts name was Clinker.

What was the name of your

best friend at school?

Arkwright, Robert Arkwright.

Had he

any brothers or sisters?

Yes, he had a brother.

He was a class ahead of me.

What was his nickname?

I can hardly tell you

in front of Aunt Harriet.

Tony Ashby doesn't drink.

Tony Ashby doesn't. I do.

Large brandy, please.

Well?

Your father seemed convinced.

That seems to be that then,

he's a difficult man to convince.

Yes, he is.

You're sure

he wasn't just pretending...

waiting to catch you out

when your guard's down.

No, I'm not sure, and I

don't care much anymore.

Come and sit down.

What's the matter?

Has the thought of money

grown suddenly distasteful?

No, it hasn't.

It's just what

I've been doing has.

Look, you knew what you were

in for right from the beginning.

I didn't know

the people involved then.

Don't tell me you like them.

Unless, of course, Eleanor?

Well, well, well.

I take it she has accepted you

as her brother.

Makes things a bit awkward

for you, doesn't it?

Still, mustn't grumble.

I mean, that was

the object of the exercise.

You go on drawing 100 quid a

week and living the life of Riley.

And everybody's happy.

Well, you must admit

I briefed you pretty well.

I say, did Father ask

you about that pony?

Yes, I knew he would.

I suggested it to him,

it's excellent.

It should be

plain sailing from now on.

You've just about thought

of everything, haven't you?

Just about.

What would you have done

if you hadn't found me?

I had one or two

other chaps lined up.

The resemblance

to Tony Ashby was...

purely superficial

in their cases...

but I might've

got away with it.

With you, the resemblance

was phenomenal.

You're perfect,

old boy, quite perfect.

Listen, I want...

You can get

five to ten years for fraud.

What can you get for stealing

half a million pounds?

Five to ten years.

You don't give me

much choice, do you?

None at all.

I think you'd better go now.

And watch it with Eleanor.

After all, she is

supposed to be your sister.

You took your time,

didn't you?

Real grape champagne.

You keep this up,

you'll never get rid of me.

Put more in mine, dear.

I love it.

I love champagne, too.

It does things for me.

Pity you don't use it

more often then, isn't it?

Why don't you go

and fry your face?

Delicious.

Watch it, mate, you're

spilling half of it overboard.

There's plenty more

where this come from.

I think you're right,

my beauty.

Anyway, here's yours, and

one for me, and one for you.

A toast.

What, another one?

A toast. Any objections?

No, go ahead.

I love dementia.

To my brother,

my long-lost brother...

who returned

from a watery grave.

God bless him.

To his brother.

Be careful, dear.

To Tony,

who we thought was dead.

But all

he was really doing...

was sleeping

40 fathoms below.

Whoa.

To Tony!

To half a million pounds.

I'll drink to that.

A bit balmy, ain't he?

Tony.

Tony, you're not drinking.

Can't have that.

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