Parenthood

---

Peanuts! Roasted!

Freshly roasted!

Get your peanuts!

Roasted! Red hot!

Hot peanuts!

Red hots! How about

some red hot peanuts?

Peanuts!

Get your peanuts here!

Go, go, go, go!

Safe!

Now batting for the Cardinals,

number 14, Stanley Boyer

Come on!

We missed four innings

Well, like I said, I had

to stop and do some business

Here, sit down

Hey, you, usher, come here

Can I talk to you a second?

Yes, sir

Can you watch him?

Sure, no problem

I'll be back

Gil, this is Stan He's

gonna watch you for a while

I have some friends

I'm meeting

I'll meet you right here, huh?

For the ninth inning Have fun, kid

Programs here!

Get your programs! Programs!

Programs here!

Get your programs! Programs!

So, Gilly,

big baseball fan?

Kind of Yeah? Dad bring you here a lot?

Once a year on my birthday Then

he pays an usher to watch me

Oh, I see

Look, you have

to understand

My father,

in his own childhood,

was without

a positive male influence

Huh?

His own father kicked

him out when he was 15,

so my Dad was taught to see

child-raising as a job, a burden,

a prison,

rather than a playground

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

You don't talk like a kid

Yeah, well, I'm not really

a kid You're not a duck

This is a memory

of when I was a kid

I'm 35 now

I have kids of my own

You don't really

even exist

You're an amalgam

A what?

A combination of several ushers

my dad left me with over the years

I've combined them into one memory Why?

This was a great symbolic

moment of my life,

my father dumping me

with you

It's why I swore things would

be different with my kids

That's my dream

Strong, happy,

confident kids

That's great That's great You

know, you got a lovely family,

and I'm a goddamn amalgam

Gil?

Who's that?

That's my wife

Nice

Gil

Yeah?

The game's over, honey

The St Louis Cardinals wish to

thank you for attending today's game

Please drive home

safely and soberly

Let's go!

Come on, Justin

You want to walk?

Come on, Justin

Come on, let's walk

It's fun

Come on, let's walk

You sure you don't want

to walk? There we go

I'll get it I'll get it

There's your pennant

There you go

I got him

All right?

Yes

Come on, watch it,

watch it, watch it

There you go

Watch the car

Watch it

There's so many cars

Here you go

Here you go Down?

Where is that kid?

Where is she?

Daddy! Oh, there she is There she is

All right, come on, go

inside Grab a seat Buckle up

Honey Taylor!

You're a rat

You're a rat!

When you're sliding into first

And you're feeling

something burst

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

When you're sliding into third

And you lay a juicy turd

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

When you're sliding

into home

And your shorts

are full of foam

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

When you're sitting

in your Chevy

And your shorts

are feeling heavy

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

Kevin, honey,

where'd you learn that song?

Last summer

at camp, Mom

Ah! That was money

well spent

When you're sliding into first

And you're feeling

something burst

Diarrhea

Diarrhea

That's what you're gonna

sleep in? You'll get cold

Perfect

Gil, Taylor isn't

feeling well She wants you

It's those hot dogs I'll

deal with Kevin and Justin

Hey, what do you say later, when the

kids are asleep, I wear this outfit?

She's in our bed

Hi, Daddy

What's the matter, honey?

You don't feel so good?

Mmm-mmm

You feel like you wanna throw up? Okay

Gil

Oh, my God

Oh, Taylor, baby

Oh, sweetie

Gil, why are you

just standing there?

Oh, sweetie! I'm waiting

for her head to spin around

You'll be all right

You'll be okay

Oh, can you

come with me

to see Kevin's principal

on Monday morning?

Oh, boy I love it when you talk

to me about school and meetings

Now talk to me

about shopping

No, I know I know

Go on, go on

I'm sorry I just remembered now

I've been meaning to ask you, okay?

Fine I'll be there

Okay

What's the matter?

Nothing I was a little

tense before but now

No, no I mean with Kevin Why are

we going to see his principal?

Oh, because his teacher said

he's been making that face again

What? This?

Yes The tense face

He makes that same face

at Little League

You know what

his teacher asked me?

What?

If we'd ever taken him

for a psychiatric evaluation

What?

She was just asking

Why, because

he makes a face?

Has she ever

looked in the mirror?

You know, the face,

the crying, the nervousness

They mentioned

the crying?

Yeah You know, he doesn't

really finish his work

Hey, we'll talk to them on Monday

Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine

Come here

Where was I?

Here? Was I here?

Yeah, yeah

I was there already?

Mmm-hmm

You know,

that really pisses me off

Kid's a little different, a little

special, needs a little more attention,

teacher's gonna put a

label on him "Problem kid"

When we go see

Kevin's principal,

let's find out who his

teacher is gonna be next year

and make sure it's not

one of these hysterics!

You're right, Gil You know, Kevin's

great He can't be that much of a problem

Right Now, if it was

my sister's kid

Garry

Now, there's a kid

with problems

Hi, Garry!

You're up so early!

Yeah

Where are you going?

Out

What's in the bag?

Nothing

Garry, you know, the whole

family's coming over tonight

There's a big surprise Grandma

and Grandpa are gonna be here,

and Uncle Gil and Aunt Karen,

they're bringing their kids

Aunt Susie's gonna be here,

and Uncle Nathan,

their kids and It was

nice talking to you

Julie!

Hey, Julie!

Yeah?

Julie, can I come in for a minute? Yeah

Julie, I really need your help The

whole family's coming over tonight

I don't know why,

but the place is a mess

Could you just

give me a hand?

Yeah, okay,

in just a few minutes

Are you all right? I thought

I heard you moaning last night

Well, I kind of had a

little bit of a stomachache,

but it's fine now

It's gone

You hate me?

What?

You know, for making you study so

much and giving up all your dates

No, you were right

Honey, I'm telling you, those

SAT scores are your ticket

And, sweetie, you know,

once you get to school,

you're gonna meet a lot of guys that

you like just as well as that Tod

Why do you always say "that

Tod"? It just sounds so

You're right I'm sorry It's

been pleasant for a moment

Okay, I guess I'm just gonna give

everybody spaghetti and salad,

and I better cook a steak for

my dad See you later, honey

Are you okay?

Man, your mother can talk!

Gosh, she hates my ass

And it's such

a cute ass

Last night, she heard the

moaning She thought it was me

Yeah?

Mmm-hmm

So you're gonna have to try

and control yourself, Tod

With you? It's impossible

Wait

What?

I brought something

Ooh! Good

We can record our love

Susan Hi, Sis, it's Helen

Yeah, did I loan you my big

platter? Oh, great, great

Yeah, I thought so Would

you bring it over tonight?

I just need it to serve

Oh, listen,

Julie got 1,291 on her SATs

I know I know I feel so

proud of her It's great

Yeah How's Patty?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes