Parts Per Billion Page #4

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I mean, you were

getting plenty of work

when you were putting

her through law school.

Yeah. People used to hire writers.

You can get any job you want.

Yeah. One more job.

Pay some bills.

Buy some stuff, get another job,

pay some more bills,

buy some more stuff...

Yeah, but it's that or what?

Play basketball

with your buddies all day

and let Mia buy your shirts?

You know what's interesting

to me, is that why...

instead of printing

a bunch of resumes,

why we all don't just stop

in the middle of

the street and say...

"What the hell is going on here?

What is this all about?"

I mean, why am I here on

this earth, you know?

- Oh, Len...

- No, I mean it. I mean it.

Why does the universe

expand for eternity?

Wh-why...

how much longer am I gonna live?

Why am I the only animal

that knows it's gonna die?

We all asked ourselves

those questions

when we were, like, eight.

Yeah, but why did we

stop asking, you know?

'Cause I never got any answers.

Is this about the war?

This is about what I'm supposed

to be doing with my life.

I just don't know what I'm

supposed to tell Dad.

Oh, God, Sarah. Tell him I'm happy.

I mean, you tell me...

X-ray vision...

am I horribly depressed?

You know what I just

realized the other day?

We're at some party at Mia's office

and we'd just gotten

in some stupid fight

and we're outside

in the parking lot.

And I just realized that...

she's my wife.

And I love her.

I mean, I really love her.

She married me...

so I can't really be

that depressed, can I?

God.

I hope I meet someone

like you someday.

- Except with a job.

- Except with a job.

Come on.

Come on!

F***.

Sh*t.

Mia? Sarah, what the

f*** is going on?

Listen... they're not telling

the whole story on the news.

Well, I haven't seen the news.

What's going on?

Just ignore what

everybody's saying.

You have to get back to the house.

Get out your dehumidifiers

and ionizers...

anything you have that filters air...

and seal yourself into the basement.

What... what is it?

Is this the war?

Just listen. Remember how we put

Mom's oxygen tanks up in the attic?

Yeah. I got rid of those

months ago, Sarah.

Damn.

Well, just stay down there

as long as you can.

I'm starting to freak

out here, Sarah.

What's going on?

How do you know all this?

Because I... I met someone

who knows about this,

- and I...

- Hey, Sarah?

Sarah, listen to me, okay?

What the f***? Hold on a second.

I gotta give you a call back,

okay? I'm gonna call you back.

Stay safe.

Attention, please.

There has been an emergency

reported in the building.

Leave the building immediately

using marked stairways and exits.

Do not use elevators.

Hey, buddy.

Do you know where your

mommy and daddy are?

You okay?

Using marked stairways and exits.

Do not use elevators.

Attention, please.

Attention, please.

There has been an emergency

reported in the building.

Leave the building immediately

using marked stairways...

It hurts.

What hurts?

My tummy.

Where does it hurt? Hmm?

It...

Okay, okay, buddy. Okay.

Uh...

we're gonna...

What the f*** are you doing?

- Hey...

- Get the f*** away from my boy!

Hey, man, it's okay.

Your kid is not doing...

hey, whoa!

Hey, hey... hey, listen!

Jesus Christ! Hey, listen, man!

- Listen!

- F*** you...

- Daddy!

- Damn it! Listen!

Listen!

Jesus Christ, man! Stop!

Listen to me.

Take care of your son!

Hey, do you have any Goldfish?

- Um...

- Yes, Goldfish.

Maybe up there.

Thanks.

Uh...?

Wow.

Do you think that they

stuffed everything up

like that for the party?

No, I think that is just how

they keep their things.

- You know what's weird about that?

- What?

Oh, shh... Oreos.

- Look at this.

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

- Mmm, mmm.

Yummy, yummy.

What's...

- What's weird?

- Huh?

- What's weird about it?

- What's weird, what's weird.

- You said...

- It was...

I don't know. It's just weird...

ever since we got engaged,

there's suddenly like all these...

I don't know, these

waves that we...

No. I know exactly what you mean.

There's, like, a right way and a wrong way

of doing everything, and we're, like...

You know why? It's 'cause we're, like,

we are like, the Anna and Erik tribe.

You know? And I mean there's

something terribly wrong

about putting the... look, the

cat food next to the tea.

Yeah, but probably the

way we stack things

and put things together really neatly

seems completely insane and constricting.

- Right?

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean it already feels so wrong to do

it any other way than the way we do it.

Right, but that is how

it begins, you know?

That is why countries

invade each other...

'cause of that.

"You don't put the tea

in the right place."

Yeah? F*** you! F*** you,

you're the bad guys.

You have no idea how to

do it, and we're better.

"You know what? The green

tea goes on the top shelf

next to the cocoa, fuckwad,

or I'm gonna kill you."

The beginning of civilization.

I'm sorry. I have got to move this.

- No, I mean, it so doesn't belong there.

- There is something immoral about it.

- We'd be hypocrites if we fail that.

- Future generations will thank us.

The products of this apartment

will cry out for liberation.

It will be a beacon of proper shelf

arrangement for the entire region.

Oh, my God. So good.

I can't find the Goldfish.

He was up there. God.

I hear you.

Hi.

Hi.

- Was I talking to myself?

- No.

I've been feeling so weird

these past few days.

You know...

I see stuff.

Out of the corner

of my eye sometimes.

I don't even tell my boyfriend...

my fianc.

And these past few days, I...

I mean literally,

last night, for a second,

it was like there was

nobody left anywhere...

except animals.

Running down the middle

of the street.

God, and Erik was like,

"What?

What are you staring at?"

You didn't say?

They say schizophrenia starts

when you're, like,

19 to 25.

You hear voices?

Well, I just heard a bunch of crows

screaming "War! War!"

Well, they aren't telling you

to jump off any

high buildings, right?

No.

Good.

My name is Rick.

I'm Anna.

I've considered

the high building option.

But life is so absurdly

short, anyway.

Yeah, I've been thinking that.

Makes you only want to do

the important things.

But what are the important things?

I'm pregnant.

First time I've told anybody.

- Greyhound.

- You got it.

Vodka and grapefruit.

Here you go.

Thank you.

You don't know what a Greyhound is?

Hey, who got us this job?

So, anyway, all I'm saying

is marriage is just

all of these artificial

restrictions.

It's like going on

some radical diet

when you're not even fat.

All I'm saying is, yes,

agreed, congratulations

Anna is hot. She's incredibly hot.

And, granted, you're probably

not going to meet anybody

who's that hot and whatever cool

and interesting and wonderful.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

You're making a scene.

Well, what is he looking at, then?

Right now he's looking at you.

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