Passport to Pimlico Page #2

I fell down.

Well, you shouldn't have gone so close.

- Who was it?

- Frank with the ice.

- You didn't go to the door like that?

- Yes, of course.

It's the only sensible kind of thing

to wear in this kind of weather.

Downright indecent, I call it.

Whatever must that man have thought?

Exactly the same as all the other men

thought last year at Bournemouth.

- I thought I was seeing things again.

- Seeing things?

Yes, when all that stuff fell on my

head, I fancied I saw a kind of cave

with a load of treasure in it.

- Treasure?

- Yes, goblets, jewels, gold coins and...

Look out, look out.

It's all getting down my neck.

Did you say gold coins?

Oh, that's one of those kids

worked off a dud on you.

It is gold, isn't it?

Come on. I'll fetch a ladder.

You grab a couple of torches.

Arthur, don't be daft. Come back. Shirley!

Arthur, your supper's just on ready!

Now, I wonder where that was.

Oi.

All right, all right. Come on, come on.

Shine the light here, will you?

Keep your light there.

There.

Cor! Someone's been

saving up for a rainy day.

Look at all this stuff.

- Look, there's a coat of arms.

- Look at this.

Must be hundreds of years old.

What's that?

Hm. They even had to fill up forms

in those days.

- Hell t

- Yes? o here!

What on earth are you playing at?

We've found some buried treasure

down here.

- What?

- Loads of it, worth a million!

Nip round to the police

and give them the wire!

We're going to find out all about

an old picture! Meet you in the library!

Yes, it's his

crest, right enough.

Yes, a shield of pretense

or a lion rampant gules.

Yes, just as I said.

Except that you called it a mangy

old poodle up on its hind legs.

- Well, if you want to split hairs.

- I've told 'em!

Proper sensation! They've put two men

on guard over it. Found anything?

Plenty.

Do you know whose crest this is?

- No.

- The Duke of Burgundy.

- Who's he? Frenchman?

- This chap here.

Burgundy was a country on its own

in his day.

Well, what was he doing leaving his

stuff lying around in Miramont Place?

Well, that's what we're trying to ferret out.

You can help. Here, take this.

Look up "Burgundy, Grand Duke of".

Miramont House.

- This sounds promising.

- Mm.

"Destroyed by fire in 1490,

the property of Maurice de Charolais."

- He's got the right sort of name.

- Yeah.

Do you hear that, Frank?

If you find any mention of Maurice de...

Frank.

Really, Frank.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Butjust think of it.

A saltwater fish that can blow itself up

to three times its own size.

Don't you realise what this means?

It's history.

History, my foot. It's money!

Over this way a bit.

And what are your plans for the future,

Mr Pemberton'?

Oh, I don't know, maybe I'll retire,

sail around the world in my own yacht

with a cargo of beautiful girls.

Oh, hark at him!

Seasick on the Serpentine!

I suppose I'll get something out of it.

I'm not counting my chickens yet, though.

- Oh, well, thanks for the story.

- You're welcome.

Gosh. Smashing.

Yeah, it is. 17 and 9.

That's all right. Have you heard

the inquest is fixed for tomorrow?

Inquest? Who's dead?

There's always an inquest

on treasure trove.

The coroner has to sort out

the different claims.

Oh, that shouldn't take him long.

After all, I found the stuff.

But there was certain others

instrumental, wasn't there?

- You've got to take that into account.

- How do you mean?

Well, er... if Benny here

hadn't set that wheel rolling...

Now, don't you try and come it over me.

You set it off. I saw you.

- You weren't there.

- Call your own father a liar, would you?

- OK, OK, I did it.

- Good boy.

Come on, Charlie boy.

You can tell me.

Mum won't be cross.

- Don't want a sweet.

- You'll have a sweet and like it!

So, you admit quite frankly

that the explosion of the bomb

was solely due to this thoughtless

action of yours and yours alone?

Yes, sir.

Well, well!

After nine years

as coroner of this district,

I find this a new

and most refreshing experience.

I congratulate the parents of Pimlico

on such a fine crop

of exceptionally honest youngsters.

That seems to dispose of the evidence

as to the finding of this treasure.

There remains one further important duty

before the court.

We must now establish

to whom it belongs.

I understand that the old parchments

provide valuable evidence on this point.

We will now hear

the translation of that document

from Professor Hatton-Jones

of London University.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I understand

that Professor Hatton-Jones

has successfully established

the original ownership of this treasure.

Yes, indeed.

It belongs to the Duchy of Burgundy,

being vested in the person

of the Duke Charles...

Who, I believe, died in 1477?

If we are to believe Basin,

Reiffenburg, Gollut and Schmel.

In fact, according

to all the major historians,

he was killed at the Battle of Nancy.

But with the aid

of this most exciting document,

I am now able to change

the course of history.

Would you mind explaining

your point more fully?

Picture a battlefield.

9,481 frozen corpses are all that

remains of Burgundy's pride.

The Duke himself lies slain among them.

This poor naked body,

robbed by harpies, bitten by wolves,

the visage battered beyond recognition,

this they accept as the last

earthly remains of Charles VII,

Duke of Burgundy,

last of the line of Charolais.

Do they judge correctly?

Is this indeed the cadaver

of Charles the Rash?

Ha-ha!

If so, then I am Joan of Arc.

I see.

Then it is your contention

that the historians were wrong,

that the Duke of Burgundy

escaped with his life?

Yes! Charles the Rash lives on.

With the missing portion

of the Burgundian treasure,

he has fled to an unknown refuge.

Unknown for 500 years,

but known at last today!

Miramont House, Pimlico!

Now, it has always been known

that Miramont House was occupied

by a Burgundian nobleman

styling himself

the Count Maurice de Charolais.

With the help of this document,

I now intend to prove

that Maurice de Charolais

and the Duke of Burgundy

were one and the same person.

For it is a Royal Charter

signed by King Edward IV,

making the Duke

not only a grant of Miramont House,

but decreeing that the entire estate

shall be recognised henceforth

as Burgundian soil.

Now, Edward IV

would never have made such a grant...

Er... excuse me, Professor.

Are you implying that this treasure

does not belong to the crown?

Oh, no, it belongs to the people

in the area covered by the old estate,

since this charter specifically

makes them natives of Burgundy.

Do you mean that these Londoners

are technically Burgundians?

Indubitably. This Royal Charter

has never been repealed.

It is as valid today

as on the day it was signed

by the founder of the House of York.

Blimey. I'm a foreigner.

It would be difficult to exaggerate

the enormous importance

of this document...

- Looks like a fine weekend.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes