Passport to Pimlico Page #4

unless you have delegatory powers.

Delegatory powers? H m -

All right. But in plain English, I'm

speaking for all of us who live here.

But, my dear sir,

from the Home Office point of view,

you remain an anomalous

collection of individuals

unless you form

a representative committee.

What? Oh, yes.

Oh, certainly. Oh, then... then

it's a matter for the Foreign Office.

They won't talk to us till we form

a representative committee.

All right, let's call a general meeting

and elect one right away.

Ho.!

45 shillings. I'll take two pounds

if you can do with it.

Over there. Two pounds for

the eiderdown. Ladies and gentlemen.

Mr Wix. We're having a meeting.

Shut up.

Me on the committee?

I said they might want to elect you.

Who knows?

Edie Randall, MP for Burgundy.

They're all jelly!

All jelly! Jellied eels!

Two bob and pick where you like!

Lovely lot of jellied eels!

Jellied eels, they're champion!

Thank you, sir.

- Oi, manners, you!

- These ain't Danish eels.

- What, do you think I'd cheat the public?

- I know an Irish eel when I see it.

OK, have me arrested.

All right, laugh while you can. We'll

soon have you twisters out of here.

Yeah? What with? Your air force?

Fancy! Start a new country

when they don't know how to protect it.

'Reports that

rationed articles and export goods

'are being sold openly in Miramont Place

'continue to come in

and are causing concern in Whitehall.

'An official announcement

may be expected shortly.

'Meanwhile, some of the residents

of the invaded area

'are taking steps to curb what they

consider an abuse of their native soil.'

10, 11...

Hey, one's enough there, Pop.

12,13,14,

15,16,17...

- I think you're in, Lady Astor!

- ...18, 19, 20,

21, 22, 23, 24,

- 25,26-

- Right.

That settles it.

Mrs Randall, Mr Spiller and yours truly.

Now I'd better ring up Whitehall

right away.

What's that? What's going on?

They're gonna sell out,

gonna give the place back to England.

Mr Pemberton, just a minute.

If you hand Burgundy back,

they'll claim our treasure with it.

Oh, we can come to terms about that.

The important thing

is to get law and order here.

Can't have the place turned into a spiv's paradise.

Hello, Mr Straker, please.

What about us business people?

This is our big chance, ain't it?

- Hear, hear!

- I'm in business too, aren't I?

That doesn't mean I want

to be murdered in my bed.

Shh. Shh, quiet!

Hello? Er... Mr Straker?

My name is Arthur Pemberton.

L...I'd like to report that

we have now a formed a representative

committee of the people of Burgundy.

I see.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes,

I am in touch with Mr Gregg.

But a rather abstruse

constitutional issue has now arisen,

and I'm afraid we shall have to pass

it on to the Law Offices Department.

Now, see here, sir. For all we know, that

might take weeks. All right, months.

Hello? Hello?

Ah, can you beat that?

First of all, they say

we must have a committee.

Now they say it can only be

officially recognised

if appointed in accordance with

the electoral laws of ancient Burgundy.

Well, that seems to settle things.

Unless, of course, somebody present

happens to be familiar

with the electoral laws

of ancient Burgundy.

But certainly.

It was the custom

for the Duke of Burgundy himself

to elect a council of two sheriffs,

one burgess,

and one hoof man

or captain of the guard.

Who might you be?

My name is Sebastien de Charolais,

and I come from Dijon,

capital of ancient Burgundy.

Mm. Only the Duke himself

can appoint a council,

and as there is no such person...

Oh, but you're wrong. There is

such person. I am the Duke of Burgundy.

No!

I am the direct descendant of Maurice

de Charolais, who came here in 1477.

Therefore I am the heir to the title.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh, no, no. I mean, well... l mean,

well, it's a bit of a turn-up, isn't it?

Here is my evidence. These documents

have been in my family for centuries.

I have always thought they were

of no value, just an amusing curiosity.

But when I read about your discovery,

I said to myself...

Yes, I bet you did.

Hm. Of course,

you want them to be examined.

Oh, indubitably.

Hello, Pemberton's?

Oh, yes.

What, can't he eat anything? Oh, poor

little fellow. Must be this heat.

Yes, all right.

I'll have something for him.

Send him round the back door, will you?

Thank you. Goodbye.

Mrs Wilson.

Sorry, folks.

Well, there seems

nothing more to be done

until this gentleman's claims

are investigated.

So, all we can do

is to adjourn the meeting.

- Hear, hear!

- Hear, hear!

- I am afraid I am a great nuisance.

- No, no, no. Not at all.

- You may be the very man we want.

- I hope so.

Au revoir, madame.

Au revoir.

Mademoiselle, it occurs to me that I ought

to know something about my dukedom.

Would you care to show me

a little of this new Burgundy?

Well, I could do

with a breath of fresh air.

Alors, we go.

So gay and exciting.

So different

from our dreary French towns.

J I just want to start

a little flame in your heart

J In my heart I have but one desire...

Professor Hatton-Jones?

Oh. Yes, it is, very urgent.

When?

Oh.

No, all right.

I'll ring again in the morning.

'Today,

after reading in the Sunday papers,

'that the laws of the United Kingdom

cannot be held to operate in Burgundy,

'from an early hour,

'London Transport officials have had to

deal with crowds of Cup Tie dimensions

'on all tube and bus routes to Pimlico.

'Here is an official announcement

'issued from Whitehall

within the last hour.

'Pending the introduction

of a new Act of Parliament

'the public are earnestly asked

'not to exploit the prevailing

currency leak in Pimlico

'and to refrain from entering

the area involved.'

'Should this appeal be disregarded,

'the Government may be

reluctantly compelled

'to apply sterner measures forthwith.'

Talk, talk, talk!

Why can't they do something?

- Your coffee, sir.

- Thank you. Pour it in, please.

You know, your England

is a most remarkable nation.

Everywhere else, governments

command, scream, shout,

but here it just has to ask people

politely to stay away and they do.

Ha-ha-ha!

I still say a remarkable nation.

Entrez.

Come in!

Good morning, sir.

I hope you'll pardon us for...

I am the culprit.

This is Professor Hatton-Jones

of the London University.

The moment our good friend told me

the news, I was Arion, I was Zephyrus!

Nothing could detain me

from instant communion

with the living survivor

of the House of Charolais!

Er... you have examined my documents?

Oh, a cursory glance.

Personally, I have no doubt at all

as to the question of your lineage.

Forgive me, are you a bleeder?

- I beg your pardon?

- Do you suffer from haemophilia?

When you cut yourself,

do you bleed interminably?

- No, I don't think so.

- Ah, a pity.

It's in the family.

Definitely in the family.

Oh, I am very sorry.

- I don't want to hurry you, Professor, but...

- Oh, quite, quite! Ha-ha-ha!

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