Patti Cake$

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1

The Godfather has traveled down

from the mountaintop of Olympus

to pimp these mystical visions.

Straight from the Promised Land

of New Jerusalem,

spittin' fire hotter

than the seven suns.

A star who can

moonwalk on water,

my goddaughter, protg,

and newest signee

of Emerald City Records.

Ms. Killa P!

Who you all come to see?

Killa P! Killa P!

Who you all come to see?

Killa P! Killa P!

What's my motherfuckin'

name?

Killa P! Killa P!

- Yeah? Hello.

- Patricia Dombrowski?

The outstanding balance

on the medical treatment

of a Florence Blauvelt

-is 60 days past due.

We will be forced

to take legal...

Ma!

F***.

Ma!

They're hasslin'

about Nana's bills again.

I thought you said that you...

paid 'em.

Uh! I woke up like this

You're gorgeous

Ya boss b*tch

Flow so cold

Farrah Fawcett

Flossin', got more grills

Than George Foreman

Up to my gills in fishscale

And platinum plaques

From rappin' that raw sh*t

Yeah, my figure's flawless

Boyfriend's a centaur

Hung like a horse

And we fornicating

On the porch of my fortress

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

You're an idiot

That's why

- How'd ya sleep, Banana?

- Mmm.

Judge Faith is about to rip

this a**hole

a new one over child support.

How's the hip feelin'?

Like ass.

Ugh! It's humiliating.

I feel like a goddamned infant.

I don't know why you guys just

don't take me out

in the backyard

and put me down like a dog.

Cut the crap, Nan.

You wanna hear a new limmy?

Not in the mood.

Oh, come on,

I wrote it just for ya.

All right.

Come on, spit it out.

Okay. Let me see...

Uh...

There once was a man

from Secaucus;

who liked to work nude

in his office.

He faxed on his ass,

and though, only half-mast,

could answer emails

with his sausage.

You're sick, you know that.

It's genetic.

Yeah, well, suck on that,

Robert Frost, huh?

You stay outta trouble,

young lady.

I'm working late tonight.

All right, superstar.

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

My life's f***in' awesome

Othello Zeus

Making million dollar moves

On Bluetooth

Call me Jesus

I turn that water

Into Grey Goose

In a zoot suit Eating

couscous In my new coupe

The world trembles

Heavy in Heaven On a god level

Rollin' sevens, playing dice

Gonna beat the devil

Spittin' emeralds

Got gemstones in my dental

The world is mental

That's why they worship at

The Temple of the Godfather

'Cause God's a father

To the fatherless

Begin this sh*t like Genesis

From penniless to Pegasus

Moses 'cause I spit The Ten

Commandments of the Tenements

Holy Scriptures written

In my venomous penmanship

Godfather, 'cause God's a...

Yo, Dumbo!

'Sup, Slaz?

Get out the street, Dumbo.

GSM, b*tch!

F*** this f***ing place.

Sometimes I wake up

In the morning

And it cuts me like a knife

I come face to face

With my longing

For another world

Another life

And a time

Learn how to drive!

That never was

Mr. Shaboo,

it's only a rash.

Just use the ointment as

directed, and it'll clear up.

Thank you.

Lords and ladies

of the royal court,

bow down.

The Queen is in the building.

Introducing...

Miss Patricia Dombrowski,

a.k.a. Patti Cakes,

a.k.a. White Trish,

a.k.a. Juicy Luciano,

a.k.a. Marilyn Mansion,

a.k.a. Jane Dough,

a.k.a. Killa P!

And introducing,

the ladies' choice,

the voice that gets ya moist,

it's gonna be

an Indian summer, y'all.

Mr. Jheri Curlz,

a.k.a. Young Stamos,

a.k.a. Deepak Shakur,

a.k.a. The Do-Rag da Vinci,

a.k.a. Raw Dawg Zillionaire,

a.k.a. the Quiet Storm.

Boys and girls, I give you my

soulmate, my homey-o,

it's Jheromeo...

This isn't

Showtime At The Apollo, okay?

We have customers here.

Play make believe

on your lunch break.

Sorry, my bad.

Last warning, Hareesh.

Supreme being

In the coliseum

Hail Zaesar

Hail Zaesar

It is

DJ French Tips on your dial

putting the East Coast

back on the map.

We'll be back.

We got more flava.

Keep it locked.

Two face Judas!

Said let's do this!

Then his shootas!

Killed the music!

Et Tu, Brutus!

On that new sh*t!

Hail Zaesar

Hail Zaesar

Next. Who's next, boys?

Yeah, I'll take a chicken farm.

Danny, one chicken farm.

What about you, Bollywood?

Hey. Buzz Aldrin.

You thirsty?

Uh...

Yeah, I'll get a Sprite.

We'll be right back.

Hey, you know Patti, right?

She's cool.

Yeah, Dumbo.

- Hey, you better not be no nark.

- Nah.

So, you sure you just wanted

a dime bag, bro?

I got some nice, uh,

white girl coming.

I'm straight. Just the weed.

Yeah, you straight?

In that do-rag?

Just f***ing with you.

I got whatcha need, though.

- That crack.

- Whoa.

Sh*t'll have you feeling higher

than the Chrysler Building.

GSM. Goon Squad Mob, bro.

It's gonna be massive.

Show's Saturday at the VFW.

- We'll definitely be there.

- Good.

- What is that, like, $25?

- Twenty-five.

There you go.

Ooh.

Can you ad-lib for the tracks?

- What tracks?

- That's hot.

You know, we gotta go to this.

Seriously, Danny's actually

going for it.

- He could get outta here.

- He's trash.

P, your pen game is ridiculous.

You're on some

Beautiful Mind sh*t, for real.

Whatever.

I'm 23 and I ain't done sh*t.

Stop with the pity party.

All we need is a producer

with the fire beats.

Once we record a mixtape

with his sh*t,

we're looking at like

a seven-figure signing bonus

once the majors

across the bridge smell

- what we're cooking out here.

- Okay.

We take over the game

You're outta debt, no sweat

You should be on meds

instead of pushin' 'em.

Uh, uh...

Thick N Thin

And Thin N Thick

They call her B*tch Cassidy

I'm the Lapdance Kid

I got that platinum voice

She got that poison pen

They call us Guns and Ros

Guns and Ros

Guns and Ros

Killa P, go in!

Uh, uh, get your Romeo remix

Uh, come on, let's get it

- No. No.

- Come on!

No.

Patti and Jheri

We will be legendary

From the bottom like sodomy

F*** the game up missionary

I'm in my own trap

As I flip the world the birdie

My verses full of curses

'Cause I'm stuck

In dirty Jersey

Uh!

-Let's move to New York City.

- Yup

We'll make a couple millis

Split that sh*t up 50-50

I'd give my left titty

And a kidney

Just to cross the shitty river

Bridge and tunnel

Come on, Jheri

Sing it with me

Beauty and the Beast

Thelma to Louise

You know real G's

Talk that talk

Killa P, won't you please

Over that rainbow

We pay tolls

Where roads all are paved gold

And angels in gold chains

And night time is Day-Glo

I'm Jane Dough, a loser

- This sh*t's so confusing

I just want to move

Where my life like a movie

Should be getting busy

But I'm feeling Gary Busey

We drop that hot sh*t

Like a deuce in your Jacuzzi

And you don't stop

I'm Thick N Thin,

Thick N Thin

You don't stop

I'm gonna say it one more time

Just to make myself clear

Jheromeo, get me

The f*** outta here!

That was so sick.

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