Peep World Page #5

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Then he'll hate you,

and every year, he'll hate

having to throw you

a birthday party.

I'm not going tonight.

Laura.

I'm sorry.

I lied to you.

I'm an idiot.

I'm sorry.

Please.

Fine.

I'll be there with you tonight,

but I won't be there for you.

Ah, ah.

Ah.

I can't do this.

Okay, it says here if

Pseudoephedrine doesn't work,

intense, sustained

physical activity

is the best way

of dealing with this.

You think it's working?

Not yet.

Great.

This is it.

This is it.

God is punishing me

for what I did to my family.

I can't go to my dad's party

like this.

I am f***ed.

Yeah. You are.

You know, a little sympathy

would be nice.

Well, the world

isn't always polite.

Or didn't they teach you that

at Berkeley?

Fine. Fine.

I... I deserve that, okay?

And I'm sorry the way I yelled

at you in the limo.

Okay?

Thank you.

Ah, ah.

Oh, my God,

my dick hurts.

Why would you do something

so drastic?

Because for once, I wanted

to know what it's like

to be with a woman and not have

to apologize afterwards.

Well, plenty of guys have

premature ejaculation problems.

When they're 14.

I'm 29, relatively well-known.

It is embarrassing.

Okay, well speaking

as a woman,

there's a lot more to a guy

than his sexual performance.

Okay?

There's his heart,

his kindness,

his sensitivity.

Ah, I'm screwed there too,

so...

You're really not

such a bad guy.

I mean you're really full

of yourself, but...

I mean, you're

an incredible writer.

Thank you, Meg.

With a dysfunctional penis.

Ugh.

Ugh.

All right,

we tried the hot bath.

It did not work.

We tried running in place.

Stupid.

I looked like an idiot.

There is...

one more thing...

that we haven't

quite tried yet.

You and l... could...

Okay, this is way,

way beyond the call of duty.

I know.

Just relax.

We have two hours

before your dad's dinner.

It's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

Okay, there he is.

Hey, Jack.

All right.

Good to see you,

sweetheart.

You too, Mom.

Hey, how late do you think

that Dad's gonna arrive?

The over under's 8:48.

Uh, we'll see.

Guess who else

is fashionably late,

our brother Nathan.

F***ing a**hole.

Everything okay with you two?

Jack, what did you do?

Nothing.

I'm gonna get a drink.

Why are you

always blaming him?

Because he does things, Mommy.

Like what?

Exactly.

Not tonight.

Not tonight, Cheri.

Could I get

a double scotch, neat?

Why don't you make it

a club soda?

If I can't drink through this,

neither can you.

So how many more weeks

of freedom you guys have?

Uh... seven..

Mazel tov..

Do you need

receiving blankets?

I saw these really fun,

Austrian, really?

Austria's actually

really famous

for their children's clothes.

- Huh.

- And Hitler.

He was German.

Austrian.

Are you serious?

He's German.

He was born

in Austria, Cheri.

Look it up.

Well, they're famous

for children's clothes as well.

Beef skewer?

I can't eat that;

I'm a vegetarian.

You know,

Hitler was a vegetarian.

Jack, if I have to hear

one more thing about Hitler,

I am gonna lose it.

It's gone.

It's gone.

It's gone.

Did you hear me?

That's... that's good.

Calm down.

That was amazing.

Did you feel something?

'Cause I totally felt something.

It was just sex, Nathan.

It's not the end of the world.

Yeah, but it was great sex.

It was fine.

You did very well.

You were great too.

Can I ask you another favor?

Don't ever tell anyone

about this?

Besides that.

I have to see

my family tonight.

It would be a lot easier

if I had someone in my corner.

Well, why do you need someone

in your corner?

Because everything I wrote

in Peep World is true.

Oh, Nathan.

Even the part about your sister

sleeping with the entire cast

of Tony N' Tina's Wedding?

She really loved that show.

Well, hey, at least your dad

comes off looking okay.

Yeah, that's the only thing

I lied about.

People are always telling me

how great of a man he was.

Thought maybe if I wrote him

that way,

I could finally see it.

What time is it?

I don't know.

- Holy sh*t.

- What?

- It's 8:
15.

- Okay.

- Okay, the party started

at 8:
00.

Are you gonna come?

Yeah, just don't tell anyone

I'm your girlfriend.

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll ease into it.

No, no. Don't tell anyone

I'm your girlfriend.

Right, right.

We'll talk about it in the car.

So have you decided

on a name yet?

Um, not yet.

Abraham's a good name.

Abraham

is a strong Jewish name.

I have a Sudanese friend,

and his brother

is named Abraham.

And he lost him.

He got out in the desert

and eaten by... shot.

Excuse me a second.

Right here, guys.

They're with me.

What's up man?

You have our money?

Yeah, my dad's not here yet,

but just come with me.

Have a seat at the bar, okay?

I'll set you up.

Hey anything they want,

on our tab, all right?

Just make yourselves

comfortable.

Let me get a shot of tequila.

Champagne.

Okay.

Good? You're good?

I was brought up a Jew

in a Jewish home

with very strict

Jewish traditional...

Jesus f***ing Christ.

I can't believe he had the nerve

to show his face here.

Unbelievable.

Cheri, be nice.

Jack, talk to her.

What am I gonna say?

Hello, Nathan.

Hey, how is everybody?

Dad's not here yet?

No.

Hi, I'm Meg.

You look beautiful.

- Ted.

- Hi.

Cheri.

Who are you?

Uh, Meg.

I'm doing, um,

PR for his book.

So what did we interrupt?

Ephraim was just explaining

the whole

Jews for Jesus thing.

I was on a wrong path.

Very scary.

You know what,

don't say anything else, honey.

You might end up as a character

in Nathan's next book.

Hey, Jack.

Do me a favor?

Want to remind Cheri that

We're not permitted to speak

during the discovery phase

of the lawsuit.

Come on, everybody,

just relax.

We're supposed to have

a good time.

This is supposed to be

a happy occasion.

I'd have a good time

if Nathan wasn't here.

Cheri, do you want me

to leave?

- Yep.

- Fine, I'm gone.

- Okay.

- Take care.

Bye.

Nobody wants you

to leave Nathan.

No, no, no. I do.

I want him to leave.

And I can't believe

you're defending him.

Let me tell you something, Jack.

You don't come off so great

in the book either.

No wonder Laura is miserable.

Go f*** yourself, Cheri.

Go f*** yourself.

That's original.

You're original.

Wow.

All this over a book?

I got cousins that shot

each other that got over it.

I am starving.

If he doesn't get here

in the next five minutes,

I'm gonna eat Ted.

Ah.

Henry Meyerwitz

Walked into every building

like he owned it.

Let them know who you are,

so you can put them

in their place.

He did that in business.

He's here.

He did that with family.

Daddy!

Daddy!

Happy birthday.

- Uh-huh.

How are you, sweetie?

Hey, Dad.

We're right up here.

Up there, huh?

It's too close

to the bathroom, Jack.

Dad, We're not moving.

Hey, how is everybody?

Hi.

Hey, Dad.

Nice to meet you.

Look at that tummy.

Whoa.

Glad to see you.

Yeah.

Nice.

Is this your girlfriend?

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