Penelope Page #2

I had no idea.

No, not that.

Hallucinations of a hideous pig

pig faced girl.

You do know who they're talking about?

Oh, I don't know. Could be any

number of women in this city.

I'm next in line for

chairman of the board.

Do you have any idea what a story

like this will do to me?

What my father is going to do to me?

Well, that's not really my problem.

Okay, I'm not a delusional maniac...

am I?

No. So, either you

print a retraction

or so help me god I am going

to rip your guts out.

Security.

It'll be twenty five years

ago all over again.

Reporters popping out of draws.

Penelope will be exposed.

And then... what chance do we have?

- We could move to the beach.

- The beach is good.

- Or France?

- You could practise your French.

I could practice my French.

Merci.

Bonjour. Je suis Penelope.

Never mind. I over reacted.

Wanda. Wanda!

I demand a retraction.

You have ruined my life!

I'm telling you she was

a pig. A pig!

I'm telling you she had a piggy snout

on her face and I'm not mad.

Why will no one

believe me?

Wait, wait, hold, hold on there, Victor.

I believe that man is with me.

Huh? I am?

- Okay, well first there's Hubert Strauss.

- Good. Who else?

- Beaux...

- Great.

- Jack...

- Fine.

...the Ripper?

- Super, who else?

You know what? Why don't I just say,

'Here's twelve men. Trust me'.

Terrific. Let's talk about the dowry.

I think we should double it.

If they can't stand me now what makes

you think they'll be able to for double?

- Oh, now, now with that attitude...

- Oh yeah, it's my attitude, mother.

This guy's got a lot of potential.

I know he's going to look at her.

What do you think of this guy?

Do you like him?

Oh, sweetheart.

I know, I know. It's not my face.

it's my great, great, great

grandfathers face

and he's not me, and I'm not him

and I'm not me.

And don't you forget it.

I gave my right eye

for that story.

And I got back squat.

And that hideous woman

still gives me nightmares.

I thought you never saw her?

Hmm. No, not Penelope. Her mother.

I only caught a glimpse of the baby.

I thought my head

was playing tricks on me.

Well, thank God someone

believes me anyway.

Unfortunately, my believing you isn't

going to do either one of us any good.

We're going to need some proof

to clear both our names.

You think you can get back in there?

Oh, I don't... I don't know.

I mean, if...

No.

- Are you sure? I just need one photo.

- I'm not going back in there.

Alright. Okay.

We're just going to have

find somebody who can.

Hook them up with the

agency that sent you.

No, they only see old money, blue blood

types, it's part of the whole curse thing.

We're not going to find any blue bloods

to help us, they don't need the money.

No, but down and out

blue bloods do.

Check.

Bet.

Read 'em and weep,

losers.

Ah. crap!

You got a Maxwell Campion

playing here tonight?

That's him there.

Poker table number five.

Hey, pal, wait up.

Do I know you?

No, but I know you.

Did a little research.

And it seems in a few short years

you've managed to gamble away

the fortune your family spent

generations building.

Hey, hear me out.

I'll make it worth your while.

You got the wrong guy.

Five thousand bucks worth your while?

We'll need your signature

on the last page.

Just your standard gag.

You don't talk, we don't talk.

Just how ugly is this girl?

I believe the young lady is waiting.

Wow, this guy is

wasting my time.

Oh, he's here.

- Hey, man, look, I'm sorry that I'm late.

- Alright, yeah. Take off the jacket.

Alright.

Hey.

Alright, now... hey you with me?

Alright, the camera is in the lapel.

The rigging is in the sleeve. Put it on.

Come on, it looks great on you.

Now to take a picture

you just raise either arm.

Not now.

Alright. Look, I'm sorry, man.

Yeah, I know you are.

Did you have to gamble all night?

Yeah, I still had chips.

I'm good?

Yeah. Let's... come on, let's go.

Don't worry,

I'll get that.

And you are?

I'm Max Campion

and the agency sent me.

- Oh, right. Campion.

- There you go... sh*t.

Excuse me?

God Damn!

Alright, dear, we've done as you asked.

They're all in the annexe.

All of them?

All of them.

But why you wouldn't rather talk to them

one at a time is beyond me.

I told you mother this way it will be easier

to weed out the unlikelys.

Hello, I'm Penelope.

And you must be?

Late for tea?

Jake!

They're out, they're, they're running...

They've all seen her.

Where's Max?

Edward, do you see Max?

I don't see Max. He's not there.

There's no Max.

- How could you?

- Just speeding things up.

Oh, and now you're just going to

make a pig of yourself?

- No, that's already been done for me.

- Stop it.

That was the last of the ho-hos.

Where's your credit card?

I'm going to the store.

No, no, no don't you... hey!

If you want more ho-ho's

I'll send Jake for some.

I'm old enough

to get my own.

Pick me up some cigarettes.

Penelope,

just one man, one man.

And he'll run too. They always run

why can't you accept that?

For seven years I've been

watching them run.

Do you have any idea how that

makes me feel? Do you?

I'm sorry,

but we just can't quit.

Yes we can because...

no matter how much

I want to believe

there's one man who

won't run away

one man who...

Sweet loving angel of all

things merciful.

Did he see?

He must have.

He was there.

- Who is he?

- Who cares? Just go!

- Yes, go.

- No, I can't...

- Go!

- Go!

Damn it.

You're still here?

Did you see?

See?

You didn't see?

I didn't?

Did you?

Did I what?

Don't mess with me.

What? I'm messing with you?

Why are you still here?

Still?

Fine then,

why are you here?

Look I'm sorry. Should I go?

Are you a fan of George Rockham?

Who?

The book you've got in your jacket.

Oh, alright. You caught that, huh?

Well... yeah.

Yeah, it's a great book.

So you've read it?

Well, yeah.

Funny I thought that was the only

surviving copy.

You know what? I meant to read it, but

the library was always out

I saw it was a first edition

and I figured it might be worth something.

So you were stealing it?

Well... Yeah. I was stealing it.

So, you're a fan of the money?

I'm a big fan of the money.

Although, it doesn't much care for me.

Well, maybe you and the money

weren't meant to be.

Hey, I wouldn't go that far.

Jinx me.

There are 326 first editions

in that room.

Of those, 300 are worth

over 50,000.

A dozen or so are worth

over 25,000.

And I'm afraid there's only one

that's valued under a hundred.

Only one, huh?

A little novel, written by a little

nobody, that never amounted to anything.

You don't say. Under a hundred?

I'm afraid so. And...

I'm afraid that it's time for...

- But it's your favourite just the same?

- What?

I said,

'your favourite just the same'.

I heard you.

Top shelf,

third from the left,

'Moby Dick'.

It's a first edition.

But wait till I'm gone

or they'll see you.

See me?

What?

Hello?

Hello?

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