People Places Things Page #5

first things I liked about you was?

- What?

- Your tits.

That's so nice.

Please touch them.

- Daddy?

- Oh, no, no...

- You have to go get her.

- Daddy, are you there?

No, no, no, no, no.

- Okay, I'm going to be right back.

- Okay.

I'll be here.

Hey.

Where were you?

I was, uh, just getting some

blankets from Kat's mom.

She's invited us all to

have a sleep-over tonight.

Isn't that fun?

Where are the blankets?

Let's go, let's, um, get

you back to bed.

- Where are you going?

- Just stretching.

Well, this is wildly

inappropriate.

Oh... Hey, Kat.

Hi, good morning.

Where have you been all night?

What? None of your business!

Is your, uh, is your mom up?

Actually, no, she just

left for work,

but she did tell me

to tell you good-bye.

- Oh, yeah?

- Mmm-hmm.

How did she say it?

"Tell him I said bye."

Do you know where my

children are?

Yeah, they're in the kitchen,

eating breakfast.

Okay, good. Good.

Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday.

Yeah, no, it's fine.

Actually, I really like your kids.

They are very, very fun.

Yeah. Thank you.

Uh, I want to make it up to you.

How does $20 sound?

Sounds like you don't know

how much to pay a baby-sitter.

How much,

uh, how much would you like?

$350.

- $350?

- Yeah!

Could you give me a month?

Um, you know, you...

Do you think you can

just read this? Please?

- If you have time?

- What is this?

- It's like a story I've been working

on for like forever. -Uh-huh.

Um, I don't know actually,

it's pretty dumb,

it's not like,

really finished, so...

No, I'll read it. No,

I'd love to read it.

No that's fine, I'll take it.

I'd love to read it.

- You would? -Sure, it

would be my pleasure.

Thank you.

Um, now get out of my room.

Oh, yeah, of course, yeah.

And take the sheets

with you, please. Burn them.

Dad, why did we sleep

at Kat's last night?

Because, uh, you guys fell asleep

and I didn't want to wake you.

- Do you like her?

- Who, Kat? Of course I do.

- I like all my students.

- Are you going to marry her?

No! She's only 19!

I'm not

going to marry her.

Okay, have a great day, girls.

Hey, what's wrong?

What did I do?

We don't want you to marry Kat.

I'm not going to marry Kat.

- I miss Mommy!

- Oh, my God.

Come here.

It's okay.

- Hi!

- Was it today?

- No, I'm in a fitting.

- Oh.

What are you doing here?

- Can we, can we talk?

- Yeah.

- Are you going to sit?

- I can't sit in this.

Okay, well...

You look really good.

Oh...

I don't know, I...

I'm gonna be showing

so much by this wedding.

I feel like I should

wear something that

reveals more leg, kind of

distract from the belly.

- So, you wanted to talk to me

about something? -Yeah, I...

I just think that the kids

are very confused.

Why? What have you been

doing to them?

I haven't been doing

anything to them.

They weren't confused when I

dropped them off at your place.

No, I'm not sure that's true.

What do you mean?

I just think the girls are

struggling with all of the changes

that are going on

at the moment.

- Which changes? -Like, you

know, like, all of the...

Changes.

- Are you seeing someone?

- What?

Oh, my God,

you're seeing someone!

Oh, well, I wouldn't... I wouldn't

say we're seeing each other.

Unbelievable! I can't believe you pick

the one week I give you the girls

to start seeing someone?

I thought you

wanted me to date.

How old is she?

I hope she's not a student.

- She's not a student, she's

a student's mother. -Wow.

Where were the girls

when you were with her?

They were sleeping in her

daughter's bed, the student...

Oh, right, okay...

No wonder they're confused.

Well that... Yeah, that sounds

bad, but it's not like that.

No, it's, it's fine. I, I love

that you're seeing somebody.

- I think that's awesome.

- I'm not seeing...

Look, this isn't

about me or you.

I just want the kids

to be happy.

I thought happiness was not

a sustainable condition?

You're absolutely correct,

it's not.

But I don't think they

need to live in chaos.

There is nothing chaotic about the

world I provide for my girls.

You left their father

on their fifth birthday.

Now you're marrying the

guy who broke us up.

Their nanny left them.

- Have you told them?

- Okay.

You haven't told them, have you?

Have you told them?

- Have you... You haven't

told them yet? -Stop!

You drop them off

at my place on a whim.

I think their lives

are pretty f***ing chaotic!

- Here!

- What is this?

The girls' schedules.

French, cello, tap.

Museum Mondays.

Alternate cooking play-dates

with the Sheldon girls

every Thursday afternoon.

Oral storytelling workshop

for spring break.

Then there's breakfast

and dinner every day.

Cello practice every day. Reading

them to sleep for an hour every day.

Don't tell me their

lives are chaotic!

Well, I'm glad you

feed them regularly.

I'm not implying that

you're a bad mother.

- I'm a great f***ing mother.

- I know you are.

Their lives have never been

chaotic with me.

It's my life that's been chaotic

because I was unhappy for years

and didn't do

anything about it.

Because first I was taking care of you,

and then I was taking care of them...

And no one was

ever taking care of me!

Well, I'm sorry I didn't know you

wanted to take improv classes.

- F*** you!

- Charlie...

I could be so much more

than what I am.

What does that mean? I don't

even know what that means.

Of course you don't. God!

Of course you don't! God!

I can't believe you're dating

a student's mother!

We're not dating.

Do you like her?

I told you, I barely know her.

I think you like her.

Dad, who

are you texting?

- No one.

- Is it Kat?

No, it's not Kat.

Hmm.

This is a really

nice office.

Yeah, I thought

you would like it.

I do.

I actually do, I mean,

I'm not using it as a euphemism,

I do like your office, really.

You know I believed you, I

didn't receive it negatively.

- Can I ask you something?

- Anything.

What happened

with you and your...

My baby mama?

Please don't ever say

"baby mama" again.

My baby mama...

- Don't! You sound...

- She's my baby mama.

That's three times.

I don't know.

You don't know?

We were always very different.

And it was really

fun at first, and then,

gradually, less and less fun

as it went on.

Different how?

Lots of ways, she was outgoing.

I was quite.

- Hmm.

- She had money and I didn't.

Hmm, that's a big one.

It wasn't that.

Charlie was always

generous with what she had.

She actually gave up everything so

that I could concentrate on my comics.

She had so much

confidence in me.

Probably more than I had

in myself at that time.

So, what went wrong?

I guess she just

she stopped talking.

And I enjoyed

the silence too much.

What happened with you

and your ex?

Oh, it's...

It's not that interesting.

He was just a f***ing

a**hole.

Mmm.

Who can tell me what this is?

A pipe.

Hasn't anyone here ever

taken an art history class?

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