People Will Talk Page #2

Please forgive me.

It was most urgent business.

My business, on the other hand,

was the idlest of curiosity.

- You were going to let me know

about a tumor you'd found.

- Ah, yes.

A malignant dysgerminoma.

Professor Elwell, you are the only man I know

who can say "malignant..."

the way other people say "bingo."

A malignant dysgerminoma.

- Good day, Professor Elwell.

- Good day.

- Coming back in?

- Mm-mmm.

- Aren't you going back at all?

- Mm-mmm.

Are you going to see a doctor?

I guess so.

- Good morning, Dr. Praetorius.

- Good morning.

Run another test. How was she

when you made this one? Depressed?

- Cried all through it.

- When you run it again, call me.

We'll have a laugh...

through the next one, see what happens

with different emotional factors.

- Well, if you like.

- Dr. Praetorius...

a problem's come up

about Mrs. Bixby.

Mrs. Bixby? I thought

she was doing well.

She's nearly ready to go home,

but she wants to take her gallbladder with her.

I think that's quite touching.

Let her have it.

You know we don't keep gallbladders

lying about once they've been removed.

Mrs. Pegwhistle, it's highly unlikely

that Mrs. Bixby would recognize her own.

So why don't you just give her

any old gallbladder and make her happy.

Doctor, unless all of the patients

are served breakfast at the same time...

I cannot operate the kitchen

with our present personnel.

- Then hire more people.

- But it is common practice in hospitals...

Miss Filmore, in my clinic no patient shall be

wakened from a health-giving sleep...

and forced to eat breakfast at a time

which pleases the culinary union.

But in the interest

of good economy...

Bad therapy is never good economy.

If you must economize...

do it in the doctors'

dining room.

And I will not have the patients bathed

at the stroke of a gong...

for the convenience

of the nurses.

One of the reasons for my founding

this clinic is a firm conviction...

- that patients are sick people, not inmates.

- Of course, Dr. Praetorius.

I'll bet I know

what you're thinking.

"Here comes Dr. Happiness,

the good humor man.

If he tries to cheer me up, so help me,

I'll hit him with an ice bag." Right?

- Wrong.

- Not that I blame you.

One of the few pleasures of being sick

is the right to feel good and miserable.

Don't let any doctor

tell you differently.

I was thinking, it's not much fun

when you get to be old.

It's less fun

if you don't get to be old.

- I want to die.

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Just lie around in a coffin

all day with nothing to do.

- How was last night?

- Just fine, Doctor.

Well, if we have another

good night tonight...

maybe tomorrow morning we'll go back

into surgery and take another look.

Doctor, does it hurt

when you die?

Not a bit.

Where'd you get that idea?

They tell me

there's so much pain.

Oh. Did anyone who actually died

ever tell you that?

Of course not.

Well, there, you see?

All this silly gossip

about dying.

You know, I nearly died once.

When I was a kid.

The doctors gave me up

for lost.

The nerve of some doctors

giving people up for lost...

as though they'd found them

in the first place.

Anyway, I was dying.

And I was in a coma.

- You know how it felt?

- No. How?

It was winter at the time.

And I felt as if I was flying

very slowly in a sled...

high up in the sky.

And the world below was covered

in snow and ice and bitter cold.

But I was warm and cozy

in the back of the sled...

wrapped in an ermine blanket.

And then I came out of the coma.

I came back to life.

- How'd you feel?

- Awful.

I had a splitting headache,

and I vomited for three days.

I've never felt as good being alive

as I did when I was dying.

You certainly make dying

a pleasure, Dr. Praetorius.

Well, we'll keep that

our little secret, shall we?

I wouldn't want that

to get around.

Doctor? Are you

feeling all right?

Just my usual twilight sadness.

Did it ever strike you that days die

pretty much the way people do...

fighting for every last minute of light

before they give up to the dark?

You think about

the strangest things, Doctor.

It's my unbalanced diet.

- Who's waiting?

- Just one patient left. Mrs., uh... Mrs. Higgins.

She was in earlier today.

You had Dr. Beecham run a test...

- I know.

- And told her to come back.

- Here's the laboratory report.

- Thank you.

Well, the day will die

on a happy note at any rate.

Have Mrs. Higgins come in.

Mrs. Higgins.

Pardon me for getting up. It's the only exercise

I take. Sit down, won't you?

Mrs. Higgins, as a doctor it's my duty,

if at all possible...

to find something for you

to worry about.

However, I cannot repudiate

a laboratory report such as I hold in my hand.

Mrs. Higgins, you have

nothing to worry about.

- You mean everything is all right?

- Perfect.

Then the fainting this morning,

it didn't mean a thing, did it?

Nothing out of the ordinary.

You might eat lightly, however...

on the days

you dissect cadavers.

Oh, that.

I've given that up.

I wasn't really a medical student anyway,

just sitting in on some courses.

Well, I imagine it'll be more fun

just sitting home with Mr. Higgins.

Yes. Yes, it will be. I can't say

how grateful I am to you, Dr. Praetorius.

For just a routine examination?

After all, I didn't exactly save your life.

- Thank you anyway.

- Not at all.

Uh, Mrs. Higgins, don't forget

to have Miss James...

give you another appointment

in about a month.

In about a month?

To see you?

Of course, if you can afford it, it might be

preferable to have a regular obstetrician.

In that case, there are several

I'd be pleased to recommend.

But... But didn't you say

that I had nothing to worry about...

that everything

was all right?

It couldn't be any better, Mrs. Higgins.

You're pregnant.

Are you sure? I mean,

couldn't there be some mistake?

There's always

a possibility of error.

However, with a result as positive as this,

that possibility is remote.

After all, it wasn't a very thorough test.

I mean, it only took a couple of hours.

- I... I thought, in order to be

sure, you had to wait weeks.

- Not anymore.

Nowadays we find out about everything

a lot more quickly than we used to.

About life and even about death.

Well, they used to use a little pink rabbit

for the pregnancy test...

but now they use a frog.

Not nearly as cute,

but it's a lot faster.

Only two hours

and just as certain.

The name of the frog,

by the way, is Rana pipiens.

It sounds like a movie star,

doesn't it?

You're not married.

- What about the baby's father?

- It has no father.

If that were true, it'd be the first time

in the annals of biology.

- I have no husband.

- But when he knows about the baby...

He'll never know.

I got a telegram the other day.

The other day.

It seems as if he left just the other day.

Seems as if we met just the other day.

It's all such a crazy, mixed-up nightmare.

He was in the reserve...

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