Perfect Life

(Saw whirring)

What the f***?

What the f*** happened

over here?

Sh*t!

Sorry, Mr. Parsons.

What are you doing, dude?

You haven't paid your bills

in three months.

It's out of my hands.

You don't have to do

jack sh*t!

Come on,

just give me another break!

I'm just doing my job, man.

You are just another

f***ing a**hole!

Have a nice day.

F***ing sh*t!

It's one thing I hate,

is warm beer.

Hey, listen, maybe I can give

a little donation

to the Electrical

Worker's Ball.

Just pay your bill, sir.

F***ing d*ckhead!

What's wrong, Dad?

They shut the power off again!

Just go and get

some power, boy!

What do you think?

Four thousand

nine hundred square feet.

Seven bedrooms,

four and a half bathrooms.

Hardwood floor, Italian marble,

Jacuzzi, tennis courts.

I think

I'm going to like it here.

Do you play tennis?

Are you alone?

Where are your parents?

Beverley Hills,

Rome, London.

Who knows?

Lucky bastard.

What are you doing?

Redistributing the wealth.

Well, I call it stealing.

You do not need to worry about

what I'm doing.

You need to learn

to mind your own business.

But it is my business.

You can't just

walk onto a person's property

and expect them to--

Look, kid,

be a good neighbour,

or I'll kick

your f***ing ass!

MAN:

Jack!

Coming, Dad!

(Honking)

MAN:

Jesus! F***!

F***!

F***!

Pull the f*** over,

Jack!

I have had enough!

I want out!

F***!

Can't lose, can't lose.

Can I get a little

"Amen" on that?

Look at the f***ing road!

It's a self-fulfilling

prophecy.

No, it's not!

It's a f***ing death wish!

And I'm not planning to die!

Would you please turn on

the f***ing lights?

Jack, will you please, please

put on the f***ing lights?

I'm driving

by sound here, man!

What?

How drunk are you?

Relax.

It is an old bootlegger's trick.

I know this road like the

back of my f***ing hand, okay?

F***ing left or right?

Put your hands

on the f***ing wheel!

Right, right, right!

It's a left!

Put on the lights, Jack!

Winner!

Jesus Christ!

(Moaning)

The train

is in the station!

Choo f***ing choo!

(Moaning)

Hey! I hope we didn't

keep you up, man.

Oh, no, no, no.

I slept like

I was in the womb.

Jack.

Jack, those are mine.

These are my shoes,

man.

Oh, Vera, if I put

anything else up my nose,

I'm going to end up like

that chick from Fleetwood Mac.

Anne said

you're pledging Veritas.

Shh.

It's a secret.

She said you told her.

Kings of funny hats.

Same bullshit, different

secret handshake, silly clubs.

No, no, no.

Mickey Mouse has the silly club.

These are key men.

Where are you going

so early, man?

I wanna see Anne

before class.

Class.

Yes, class.

Save the wisecracks

for Bristor.

Give Professor Bristor

our best.

That's my towel.

Treats for my peeps.

You do it yet?

Veritas isn't just

some fraternity.

These guys

end up ruling the world.

Presidents, senators, lords!

(Sniffing)

Look, I'm going to go

look for Anne.

Mark, pump him so full of drugs

that he does exactly what I ask.

MARK:

If Jack gets in to

these trust fund pricks.

I can finish off

a shitload more of my stuff.

Too early to process

your bullshit.

Class. Class.

Class!

I know why they chose

Donald Hallford.

He symbolizes everything

that is wrong

with the United States

of America.

You have any thoughts on how we

are going to move this f***er?

He probably weighs a ton.

Got steroids?

No.

No, I got some homemade acid

that will make you feel

like Superman.

There is a 40 percent chance

you might have an aneurysm.

Class.

No, f*** class!

I can teach you

everything you need to know!

MAN:

I hope you have all studied,

because Professor Bristor

is going to get to the bottom

of your thoughts on philosophy.

And even Mr. Parsons.

Since we have not seen or heard

from you since fraternity week,

maybe you would like to expound

philosophy of the Greeks.

The Greeks believed

that it is neither a short life

nor a long life.

There is only the life

that you have.

And what kind of life

do we have, Jack?

I quote Aeschylus:

"The life you were given

is the perfect life."

If you work with it, it has got

its own shape, its own arc.

It's perfect.

Ah, that is quite an original

take on the text, Jack.

But what happens when this

perfect life comes to an end?

Death is not the end

to the Greeks.

They see the soul or person

inhabiting the body

as a sort of a pilot.

Tacitus even said that some men

are born posthumously.

Do you know

what occurs to me, Jack?

If you were to stay away

from the parties,

you might even

have a brain.

Who gives a f*** then?

About what?

About what we do

in this life,

because the next one is going

to be better no matter what.

"Call no man happy

until he is dead!"

"Lay not treasures

upon the Earth!"

"Love, seek it not itself

to please,

but build a heaven

in hell's despair!"

Thank you, Mr. Parsons.

That was William Blake,

for those of you

scoring along at home.

So if that is the end

of today's outburst--

Well, this is all

just practice.

What does anything matter,

like coming to class?

Well, none.

Except that then

maybe finally

I could get you thrown out

of this college!

I can take away

your perfect little life.

Of course, according to Tacitus,

I'd be doing you a favour.

Are you threatening me?

No, of course not, sir.

All right,

you have got your papers.

Let us start.

I can't lose.

So you are thinking about

going into medicine?

Sure.

I could lose an entire weekend

in my dad's medicine cabinet.

Where the hell do you think

you are going?

Relax.

It's a shortcut.

Shortcut, my ass!

I'm going to spend

all the money I can,

which my family has made

over the last 300 years.

Are you serious?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Yeah?

And also marry Anne,

and make her my princess.

I'll get my girl

once I get my Benz.

Oh, and my 911 Porsche

with 33-inch tires.

A Ferrari...

Your dad is going to have to mow

a million lawns for that sh*t.

Shh!

There she is.

(Dance music playing)

Oh, boy.

Word around campus is that

a couple of fraternity pledges

were spotted diving off

the roof of the Chem Lab

into a nearby dumpster.

Crazy kids.

Their parents

must have given them peyote.

I understand Freddy's need

to submit himself

to these idiotic initiation

rights,

but I would assume

that you would mock

that sort of behaviour.

You should know,

my dear sweet Anne,

why this is important to me.

Freddy.

I'm going to class,

but I just--

I just wanted to plant a seed

about rethinking

this whole fraternity thing.

Plant all you want,

but my fields are barren,

as far as growing any kind of

deep thoughts are concerned.

The sad thing is that

you might actually mean that.

I can't get

a read on Anne lately.

She seems so distracted.

I need to make my move,

you know?

I need to do something

so bold

that it will be impossible

for her to ignore.

Well, sh*t, man,

what's the rush?

It has only been, what?

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