Perfect Sense Page #2

- I recommend it for you especially, sir.

- Put it back.

What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stop, stop, stop.

Sniff my finger?

Yeah? I can smell that. Oranges.

Wrong. Balls.

Man down! Man down!

Quickly, evacuate! Evacuate!

- Good night.

- See you later.

- See you later, boss.

- Cheers, boys.

Good night.

- Keep smiling.

- Good night, James.

- Got your own smokes tonight, sailor?

- I'm still a chef.

My dad called everybody sailor.

He worked in the docks all his life.

He never went sailing anywhere

but he called everybody sailor.

All right.

Even people he didn't know.

"Hello, sailor. " "Goodbye, sailor. "

Well, you can call me sailor, if you like.

Or Michael.

When I was a child,

I thought it was really embarrassing.

Now I'm doing it myself.

Are you hungry?

People aren't eating in restaurants these

days and we've got a lot of spare food.

Hm.

This is... monkfish cheek.

Fish is my thing.

- Good?

- Mmm.

Mm.

- I'm a bit greedy when I eat.

- Oh, that's all right.

I had a disorder when I was younger.

Just trying to catch up.

So what do you do...

when you're not eating?

- Death and misery.

- What?

I'm an epidemiologist.

I'll get you something sweet.

This is a mango jelly

and chocolate macaroons.

And...

I didn't make these.

I can't remember what the f***

that's called, but it's got coconut in it.

God...

All that sailor stuff,

it reminds me of him.

My dad.

I miss him so much.

We had so much fun together.

He could always make me laugh.

Hey... Hey.

Let me get you...

Here. This is... This is clean.

Thank you.

OK.

Here, here. You're all right.

Do not stand so close. You never know.

- Oh, no, they say it's not contagious.

- We don't know.

It's just something we tell people.

Look... Would you... Would you like me

to take you back to your home?

Yeah? Come on.

You take the cloth. I'll get the...

Come on, come on.

Oh...

- Hey.

- It's gone.

The smell.

All gone.

Well, I think I'll...

That was a crazy evening.

Yeah.

Good morning.

Mmm. Well, it has its benefits.

Yep.

We were in the Algarve once,

Maggie and me.

Came home, had a freezer full of food -

there'd been a power cut.

Never smelt anything so disgusting

in my life.

I'll never forget it.

Maybe you will.

Hm.

I've met someone.

- Oh, OK.

- I'm pathetic.

Mm-hm.

I'm not even sure I like him.

OK.

I actually think he's a smooth arsehole.

Now...

It'll probably come back.

But at the moment our customers

won't be able to smell, so...

It'll be like cooking

for snotty-nosed people.

Bring out the big guns, all right?

Maybe a bit of saffron.

Oregano.

Richard, can you get me a clean apple?

Life goes on.

The food becomes spicier...

...saltier...

more sweet...

more sour.

You get used to it.

The greater loss are all the memories

that are no longer triggered.

Ooh-hoo!

Smell and memory

were connected in the brain.

Cinnamon might have reminded you

of your grandmother's apron.

The scent of cut hay

could evoke a childhood fear of cows.

Diesel oil might bring back memories

of your first ferry crossing.

Without smell,

an ocean of past images disappears.

Whoa!

I'm off work.

Congratulations.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah.

Any more news on death and misery?

Not really.

I was a really good smeller.

- I bet you were.

- I was.

Do you want a cigarette?

- No, thanks.

- Something else, then?

- Like what?

- Oh, er... are you hungry?

Nah.

I could cook you something special.

Or buy you a lollipop.

We could go for a coffee

and eat apple pie and er... liquorice.

A glass of wine?

Some fresh air?

Come on.

My sister got married here

a few years ago

and I came to stay for a month and...

- Met a guy.

- And then a good job came up.

And now, ladies and gentlemen.

We'll call upon a new smell.

The scent of the forest

after the spring rain.

We imagine the path

underneath our feet.

We see the green moist colour

surrounding us.

And we feel the wet branches

against our faces.

And now imagine...

- Oh...

- We pass between the trees.

- I'm not going on my own. Come on.

- Oh, no.

And we begin drawing in the air.

Deep inside.

And enjoy the moment.

The humidity level is high.

At the lower end there is the moss,

the fungi, the rotten leaves.

The middle tone is the tall, fresh grass.

A crisp and almost invigorating scent.

And at the top we feel

not only the leaves and the rainwater,

but also the sky.

On a day like this...

we can smell the sky itself.

What shall we do now?

Well, now you could invite me

back to your place.

Don't know if I will.

Well, you... you can just start

walking home...

...and I'll follow you.

Oh.

Mm.

I should have made a bigger effort

to sniff you

the first time we were lying here.

Mm.

A pity.

What do you want?

What do I want?

Yeah.

Well, soon I'd like to close my eyes

and try and go to sleep.

Which is a big deal for me cos usually

I... I can't sleep in bed with someone.

I need to be by myself.

OK?

- Now?

- Now, yes.

You want me to leave?

I live here, so I guess you'll have to.

- Now?

- Yes, please.

Did I say something wrong?

Ah... Let me give you my... card,

in case you want to, you know...

call me or something.

You have a card?

I had a catering company

that didn't do very well.

Not very many clients. Lots of cards.

You can call me.

My number's on there, and my address.

And I guess you know

where I work, so...

Repent, sinners!

The day of the Lord is upon you.

Do you know that this is

the day of the Lord?

The prophecy has been spoken.

Do you pray?

Are you aware of your sins?

Come back and be aware.

This is the day of the prophecy!

Hello.

No flowers?

She loved flowers, Michael.

Lan got married...

in a church with the full monty.

Eugh!

Apparently, she's pregnant, his bride.

And what about this Michael?

What about him?

He sounds nice.

I don't know.

I usually pick arseholes.

Well, they can't all be arseholes.

They just can't.

- I'm trying to take care of myself.

- Right.

You do that a lot, don't you?

F*** you, sailor!

Can I have sweets?

Let me see.

Hmm...

- Ta-da!

- Whoo!

- What do you say?

- One for you and one for you.

Not soap.

Big Soap. Big Soap.

Apparently, Big Tobacco and

Big Fizzy Cola have formed this cartel

to start selling - wait for it -

fruity flavoured oxygen.

In order to create a proper market for it,

they've enlisted Big Soap.

Big Soap have flooded the environment

with enough organophosphates

to temporarily disable

your central nervous system.

That's why I've stopped washing...

in case you were wondering

what the smell was.

You don't half talk some shite.

Environmental groups are sure it's

the start of an ecological apocalypse

caused by pollution and genetically

modified plants and hormones.

Intelligence claims

it's an attack on the free world.

All indicators point

to fundamentalists.

The fundamentalists talk of God's

punishment on a world of unbelievers...

and promise that all pure people

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