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don't live around here.

Plus, it's free.

Lydia:

Are you gonna pay me a dollar?

Aurelie:
I've got bigger fish

to fry, Lydia.

I need 60 bucks

to fix my hair.

You think my mama

would just hand me 60 bucks?

Why don't you do some work?

Like collect aluminum cans!

Aurelie:
What?

Where would I get the cans?

Use your head.

Wherever people drink soda pop

and throw away the can.

You mean I have to go dig

in the trash cans?

- Have you ever done it?

- Hell no! I don't do cans.

You're the one who needs some cash.

Man:
Damn it, Lina...

Could you chew

with your mouth shut?

You look like a damn camel.

This is why we never go nowhere,

'cause you don't know

how to act in public,

you act like

you never been

out of a damn house before.

That's why

I never take you anywhere...

- There you are.

- Oh, the bathroom is no good.

I'm gonna go set down my purse.

Oh! (chuckles)

Jeanne:
Hello, are you here

for family therapy?

I thought you were single.

I am single.

It's my group.

- Excuse me?

- I'm the group leader.

Jeanne:
You mean, the therapist?

Mm-hmm.

Ya'll can come on down now.

Aurelie, here.

Jerry:
Welcome.

So...

What comes to mind when we think

of this funny word, "Family"?

Jerry:
Anybody?

Anybody?

I think a family is like a car.

- What model car?

- Any model.

A Chevrolet, for example.

You can wax it,

or you can let it stay dirty.

To me, a family is like a plant.

You give it water, and you hope

you didn't get a weed.

Good. Very good.

Now, who here is afraid

of their family?

Jerry:
Don't be afraid.

Anybody?

I'm afraid

my wife's gonna get drunk

and embarrass me

in public again.

- If that's what you mean.

- That is.

That's exactly what I mean.

I'm afraid!

We used to live

on a very nice Air Force base.

Jim wore an attractive uniform.

I used to shop

at the commissary,

got 15% off of everything!

Now we're broke!

And he's terrified

to just go swimming!

- You're exaggerating.

- Okay, he's scared.

And his insecurities

are going to get him

kicked out of college!

Aurelie hates me!

It's not my fault

that you have split ends!

It's more than split ends!

Is it true, Ariole, that you

blame your mother for your hair?

Whose idea was it to go to

Barry's Beauty School?

I want to share with you

a saying I came across recently.

Quote...

"No family is normal

like every other family."

See there?

We're just like everybody else.

(PA system echoes)

Attention!

Librarian:

This is your school librarian!

Now, what I have here

in my hand is an announcement

about a upcoming Halley's Comet

Poetry Reading Contest.

I'll read it out...

(clears throat)

Calling all young people

with a poetic spirit!

Librarian:
This contest

was initiated in our town

ten years ago

under Mrs. Florence Jacks,

a local Mark Twain scholar

and aficionado.

As in past years, the cash prize

will be 75 dollars.

Librarian:
The same age

as Mark Twain when he died

upon the passing

of Halley's Comet.

All students eligible

to compete,

and parents are encouraged

to attend.

Thank you.

This is the end

of the daily announcements!

Did you all hear that?

$75 for reading a poem?

Like my husband would say,

"It's better than

a poke in the eye."

Mrs. Tripp:
Am I right?

I'm gonna put

a sign-up sheet later.

Outside.

But by a show of hands...

Can you tell me in here,

who would be interested?

Two?

Two, three...?

That's it, I am...

Put your hands down.

75 dollars.

For reading a poem?

No.

Kelly's gonna be in it.

Her sister won last year,

now it's her turn.

I thought it was a competition.

It's competition,

but she's gonna win.

If you want to be her friend,

don't sign up.

I'm not her friend.

You wanna lose your chance?

You could be one day.

Okay, I won't do it.

Aurelie.

Do you wanna know

what's wrong with you?

You're chicken-sh*t.

Mrs. Tripp:
75 dollars?

So...

Re-think that.

In 1787 I'm told our

founding fathers did agree

To write a list of principles

for keeping people free

The U. S. A. was

just starting out

A whole brand-new country

And so our people spelled it out

the things that we should be

And they put those principles

down on paper

and called it

The Constitution

And it's been helping us run

our country ever since then

The first part

of The Constitution is called

"The Preamble"

And tells what those founding

fathers set out to do

We, the people, in order

to form a more perfect union

Establish justice,

insure domestic tranquility

Provide for

the common defense

Promote the general welfare

And

Secure the blessings

of Liberty to ourselves

And our Posterity

Do ordain and establish

this Constitution

For the United States of...

(sound of breaking plastic)

Don't just stand around.

Help.

Are we gonna talk about sex?

How do I know

you'll give me five bucks?

I'm good for it.

You know...

if you lost your poodle head...

I like you for your personality.

Thanks.

Okay, I'll kiss you

with the masks on.

Okay.

Wanna see my wiener?

Absolutely not! Yuck!

Why not?

He looks like E. T.

Everybody loves E. T.

E. T. is scary.

No, he's not, E. T.'s friendly.

He just wants to make friends

and phone calls.

Do you always

call your wiener, "He"?

A lot of guys do it.

My brother calls

his "The Big Meatloaf."

I don't believe you.

(sighs)

Jeanne...

Just follow through,

keep your eye on the birdie.

- Jim:
Ah!

- Hey!

No slamming allowed!

According to what rule book?

According to the

"If You Want Me to Play" book.

Jim,

did you ever think about using

the step-by-step method

for swimming?

This girl at my work,

her grandfather was in WW Il.

He had big problems back then

because the Gazpacho

kept trying to kill him...

Gestapo, not Gazpacho.

- Stop correcting me!

- Gazpacho's a soup.

A Spanish soup,

we had it on Air Force One.

Anyway, try to follow me.

It's delicious.

The war taught him

how to fight back.

Up here.

When he was 104 years old,

the doctors told him

he would never walk again.

He went out,

he got a little chair.

He took one step,

he got tired, he rested.

He took another step,

maybe two this time.

He sat and rested.

He walked great like that

until he was 108!

And that's when he died.

Poor him.

I fail to see the point.

Are you even listening?

I'm trying to encourage to use

your will power!

Maybe that story will inspire

you to conquer your fears!

You know what?

If I want Einstein,

I'll call him on the phone.

Why is it a bad idea?

Jeanne:
Do it...

step by step.

I'll go to the pool with you!

I'll be your moral support!

Absolutely not!

I don't need anyone

to hold my hand!

Instructor:

All right, that's good.

Let's pick up the pace.

All right. Good form. Good form.

Okay.

You wait and watch up there.

You're gonna see a lot more

than just breast stroke.

You want me to just sit

and watch your lesson?

Yeah, why not?

Haven't you ever heard

of moral support?

You could be my number one fan.

My mascot.

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