Phone Booth Page #2

STU:

I'm only a few minutes late,

loveliest individual on earth.

MAVIS' VOICE

Stu, I'm so lonely. When can I see

you?

STU:

Good news in that arena. Kelly

goes into rehearsal as of Monday.

You know how dedicated she is. By

the time she gets back from dancing

her ass off, she goes right to

sleep. We'll have both our days

and certain nights. Not to mention

when they take the show on the

road.

MAVIS' VOICE

How long is that for?

STU:

Four to five weeks -- minimum.

MAVIS' VOICE

Maybe I should quit my job so we

can be together full time.

STU:

I wouldn't do that.

MAVIS' VOICE

Sometimes I think if I have to give

one more f***ing manicure...

STU:

That's how you met me.

MAVIS' VOICE

I never saw a worse set of nails.

Bit right down to the quick.

STU:

I'm much better groomed since

you've been looking after me.

MAVIS' VOICE

I'm glad you admit it.

STU:

Even Kelly remarked on it when I

first met her.

MAVIS' VOICE

She could care less how you look.

She's only interested in pushing

her own career. Some wife you're

stuck with!

STU:

The marriage is not without its

compensations. Do you imagine I

could afford that apartment on what

I'm earning? Not with everybody

cutting back on the publicity. Not

to mention a million college

graduates coming into the

profession trying to cut me out.

And one thing you can't expect from

your clients is loyalty. They get

a couple of bad notices, they dump

you. Goodbye.

MAVIS' VOICE

Don't go.

STU:

I wasn't saying goodbye to you. I

was saying how the clients try to

give you the wave off without even

a month's notice.

A conservative businessman now stands outside the booth

waiting to use it. He deliberately glances at his watch a

few times to demonstrate his impatience. This bothers Stu

who slides the booth open a crack.

STU:

(yelling)

What? Is your watch busted? It's

twenty after eleven and I'm gonna

be occupied indefinitely with my

transaction. So get out of my

face!

He closes the booth up again and turns his back to the

gentleman who gives up and departs.

STU:

Sorry, honey. There will be no

further interruption.

MAVIS' VOICE

Why must you always be calling me

from some booth?

STU:

On account of that phone records

are regularly subpoenaed in divorce

proceedings. And I don't want some

entry showing up on my cellular

bill either. She gets the mail.

She looks these items over.

Sometimes she even dials up a

strange number to see who it is.

MAVIS' VOICE

Then she suspects something.

STU:

It's only because her last husband,

the choreographer, ran around on

her. She can't get that out of her

head. That's how she caught onto

him. The phone bills.

MAVIS' VOICE

She hasn't developed much skill at

holding a man.

STU:

You know what a self-fulfilling

prophecy is? She was so sure I was

going to find me a woman that she

finally drove me back to you. I

thought I'd feel all guilty about

it -- but I guess it hasn't kicked

in yet.

(beat)

Still, I wouldn't do anything to

hurt her. Basically, Kelly's a

decent individual.

MAVIS' VOICE

What about hurting me? Like last

time?

STU:

Hurt? You were glad to be rid of

me.

MAVIS' VOICE

For a while I was, 'til I took

stock of what was around. You're

the lesser of many evils.

STU:

That's about the nicest thing you

ever said.

MAVIS' VOICE

I'll have it engraved.

STU:

We've been up front with each other

from the beginning. Let's keep it

that way. How about a drink? Say

seven o'clock? The Monkey Bar?

MAVIS' VOICE

Meet me in front. I don't like

walking in there unescorted.

STU:

Yeah, you're great enough looking

to be mistaken for one of those

thousand dollar a night girls.

MAVIS' VOICE

It happens all the time lately.

STU:

And wear that short black number I

bought you from Bendel's.

MAVIS' VOICE

Again? I don't know if it's me or

that dress you like.

STU:

Have a good day. Make plenty of

tips. And leave the whole evening

open. She thinks I've got Knicks

tickets.

He hangs up. Then whips a tiny cellular phone out of his

jacket pocket, flips it open and dials. Someone answers on

the first ring.

COLUMNIST (V.O.)

Speak!

STU:

(into cellular)

It's your boy Stuart. When was the

last time I called you for a favor?

COLUMNIST (V.O.)

The column is already full.

STU:

I just need one line. Anybody you

wanna say was seen dining out at

Mario's Stromboli restaurant.

COLUMNIST (V.O.)

Maybe you don't hear so good? I

got no space for you.

STU:

Who's asking any favors? I'm

offering reciprocal information.

COLUMNIST (V.O.)

Since when were you ever a reliable

source?

STU:

Check it out. Tony award-winning

producer Willie Beagle tossed his

wife back into rehab again

following her third attempt at

diving off the terrace at their

plush eighteen room residence at

the San Remo. I got it from the

doorman.

COLUMNIST (V.O.)

I got it from their maid yesterday.

It's in the paper today. Or don't

you bother to read my sh*t?

STU:

Louis, my intentions were entirely

honorable.

COLUMNIST (V.O.)

I'll drop your item in sometime

next week. If you promise not to

call me for a month.

He hangs up. Stu looks pleased as he folds the cell phone

and tucks it away.

Then he starts to vacate the booth. The phone rings. And

rings. Curious, he picks up the receiver. There's a voice

on the other end of the line. A DISTINCTIVE MALE VOICE.

VOICE:

Don't even think about leaving that

booth.

STU:

What?

VOICE:

Stay exactly where you are and

listen carefully.

STU:

I've got a heavy day, mister.

VOICE:

You know better than to disobey me.

STU:

I don't know you at all.

VOICE:

Are you absolutely sure?

STU:

Who is this?

VOICE:

Someone who's watching you.

STU:

Get lost!

VOICE:

Love the gray suit. That red and

black tie makes a nice combination.

Stu is taken back by the accurate description of his apparel.

He looks around nervously.

STU:

Where? Where are you?

VOICE:

Closer than you think.

STU:

I don't see you.

VOICE:

There are any number of windows.

Check them out.

Indeed that street corner is surrounded by high rise

buildings and hotels.

STU:

Okay, you had your little joke.

VOICE:

I'm not sufficiently amused. Not

yet. We have more to talk about.

Stu knows he should simply hang up but something tells him

not to. Perhaps it's the strange tone of the man's voice.

STU:

Do me a favor. Call up somebody

else.

VOICE:

But it's you I'm interested in.

You know how many people use that

booth every day?

STU:

Why don't you tell me?

VOICE:

Better than two-hundred people on

average.

STU:

Is that what you do? Count them?

VOICE:

What else do I have to do? It's

interesting watching people.

Trying to guess who they are. And

what they're up to.

STU:

What are you -- a shut-in of some

kind?

VOICE:

You might say that. I can't go

out. I might be seen.

STU:

Somebody's looking for you?

VOICE:

Desperately.

STU:

The cops?

VOICE:

Not yet.

STU:

The ex-wife. What'd you do -- run

out on child support?

VOICE:

What kind of man do you think I am?

STU:

Frankly, I could care less. You

had your fun. Now goodbye.

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