Picture Perfect Page #4

a question.

No! You answer

my question!

Do I look stupid

to you?

Stup-what? What is that

supposed to mean, Ma?

"Hi, Mom.

It's me, Kate.

I just thought I'd call you

this morning for a change."

Check your

answering machine.

The moment we hung up,

I called you back.

You weren't here. 7 times I tried.

7 times, young lady!

So what?

No TV for a week?

Then I phoned

the office,

but apparently

Miss Big Shot

was too busy to call

her mother back!

Okay, you know what, though?

I'm here now, and I'm fine.

Well, I'm not!

And I want to know

where you were this morning!

I have a right

to know!

No, you do not

have a right!

You have no right,

Mother!

I am 28 years old!

Don't give me that.

I'm 54. I'm gonna be dead soon!

Oh, God!

Where are you going?

To kill myself!

No, no. Not until

you tell me

where you were

this morning. No.

All right, Mom.

I was with a man.

I was with a really

beautiful man...

who,

up until last night,

never even noticed me.

And then all of a sudden

he wanted to be with me,

and I really wanted

to be with him...

so we slept together.

We had sex, Mommy,

you know?

The really dirty kind.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Mommy...

But that's where I was.

Oh, Kate.

Now, that's enough

of that, hmm?

Tell me the truth now.

Oh, God.

Mmm.

And you know, the thing

that really kills me

is she loved the lie so much better

than she liked the truth.

I mean, even when I had to fudge

a little bit, you know?

"So, uh,

what does he do? '

"Well, he owns

his own business."

"Well, can I meet him

this weekend? '

"Nope. We're going

ring shopping in Boston."

Oh! Ring shopping.

Yeah.

Oh, you're really getting

the hang of this.

I know. Well, it gets

easier once you realize

that's what everybody

wants you to do.

Hi. Could I have the number for

Midtown Flowers, please?

What are you doing?

Ha ha! Thank you.

Okay. "Press one

to connect this call."

Yes, hi. I need to send

a huge bouquet

to Katherine Mosley at Mercer

Advertising Agency. 555-96...

Donna Summer:
Bad girl

Backup Singers:
Bad girl

Talkin' 'bout bad,

bad girls

Yeah

Bad girl

You bad girl

You're such

a dirty bad girl

Beep beep

Uh-huh

Hey, mister

Beep beep

Have you got a dime?

Beep beep

Mister

Beep beep

Do you want to

spend some time

Oh, yeah

Beep beep

Toot toot

Hey, mister

Beep beep

I'll spend some time

with you

Beep beep

Can you...

Hey, get your

hands off my stems.

I've been waiting years

to use that line.

So, what's

the occasion?

Oh, come on, Sam.

You're smarter than that.

You know there's only two reasons

why a man sends a woman flowers.

I love it when I can

learn something new.

Well, either

they've let you down,

or they're about to.

Nick?

Mm-hmm.

Nothing fatal,

I hope.

No. He just has to

work this weekend.

Ambition.

I hate that

in a man.

Now, I'm quiet

Quiet as a mouse could be

But inside my head

It's louder than a cavalry

And I'm patient

Patient as a clock

It is to feel the way

When you're countin'

every tick and tock

Show me how to

catch a fish

Show

Thanks for walking me

up here, Sam.

No problem.

Oh, God,

I really had fun.

I did.

I-you, uh...

You really took

my mind off Nick.

Aw, come on.

We both know there is no Nick.

There certainly

is a Nick.

Not here.

Not now.

What are you doing?

This is called

mounting an offensive.

Okay. Come on.

Now, we know nobody's gonna be

mounting anybody around here.

You're right. You're right.

Right. I'm sorry.

All right?

Can I just come in

for a glass of water?

No.

Well, can I come in

and pee?

You just said you wanted

a glass of water.

Oh, what can I say?

The thought of drinking water

makes me have to pee.

Come on.

Sam, we have had

this conversation, okay?

I'm engaged

to be married.

We made this

mistake once.

I cannot do it again.

I can't.

You know, I mean, God.

You know I like you. I can't deny that.

But my heart

belongs to Nick.

Okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay.

Good night.

Oh, there's steps,

there's steps, there's steps.

It's over here.

Over here. Bedroom.

Wow! Is this place

rent controlled?

Ah!

God,

you can't stay, Sam.

Nick's gonna call.

I can be quiet.

I can be really,

really quiet.

The door.

I think you left the door open.

No problem.

Oh, I don't know, Sam.

It just feels wrong, you know?

It just feels

really, really wrong.

Ah!

Well, good.

'Cause that's

the feeling...

that you feel...

right before...

it feels incredible.

You know,

normally this would be

about the time that I'd leave.

Most of the women

I get involved with

are either married

or have a boyfriend.

It's always seemed to

work pretty well for me.

You know,

the thing with that is

that you always kind of

feel them looking past you,

trying to steal

a glimpse of the clock

or listening for a voice

on the answering machine.

But you...

I don't know.

It's like,

even though you're engaged,

when you're with me,

I really feel like

you're with me, you know?

You know what

the scary thing is?

I actually

kind of like it.

Are you asleep?

Fabulous.

My reputation

remains intact.

Now, let me see

if I've got your story straight.

It's Sunday night, you're

videotaping an out-of-town wedding,

when suddenly

a fire alarm goes off.

Everyone's evacuating,

but as you leave,

you hear what sounds

like a child crying.

You find a 6-year-old girl

by the vending machines.

Now, you realize you're about to be

engulfed by flames.

So you take a chair.

You smash it through the window.

With no firemen,

no nets below,

you grab this little girl

and jump backwards out the window.

Now, why backwards?

Second I was hoping my body

would break her fall.

What are you thinking

at that point?

Well, honestly, I was thinking

I should get back inside,

'Cause the bunny hop

was coming up...

Aah!

Well, you must-

What?

What's up?

I mean, if an awning

broke my fall from 3 floors up.

And the little girl?

Oh, she's fine.

There's not a scratch on her.

Hey, isn't

that your guy? Isn't that Nick?

Uh-huh.

Huh. Well, I guess we know

why he never called.

All right, Nick.

Thank you very much

for joining us this morning.

Hey, Kate, I saw

your boyfriend on TV this morning.

Hey, hey,

how about that?

Also, your mother's

called 4 times already.

Ah, I bet she has.

Oh, well,

look at the bright side.

At least he didn't make

the New York Times.

Yeah, right.

What the hell are we going to do?

You okay?

Uh-huh.

Is he okay?

Yeah.

Of course he's okay.

He's on television.

You know, I was just talking

to Davenport over at Gulden's,

and when I told him that this guy

was your guy, well...

We'd like to take

you two kids out to dinner,

just the 6 of us.

You got a cough,

Darcy? The 8 of us.

Uh, Mr. Mercer,

the thing is,

he lives in Massachusetts.

Well, I'm not

talking about tonight.

You know, this weekend

or early next week.

It would really

mean the world to Davenport.

Ah...

Thank you for calling

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