Pig Hunt Page #2

we're down near her pubes.

You know, there's a reason you guys

don't have girlfriends.

[Sniffs]

[Funky Rock Beat]

[Barking]

We can drop you and Brooks off here

if you don't wanna hunt.

[Man] Damn, that's some

shitty wine

It tastes like gutter

and beaver brine

But if you fill my glass

another time

We could ask them

for directions.

I'm sure it'll taste

just fine

Damn, that's some

chewy beef

Gristle gum beyond belief

But roll 'em out

another "spleef"

And I'm sure it'll begin

to taste just fine

I'm sure it'll taste

just fine

I know where we are now.

[Pig Grunting]

- [John] I wonder who got those pigs.

- Big Bad Wolf.

"Death walks on all fours. "

[Blade Clatters On Floor]

- Your uncle was quite a hunter.

- Some of these are mine.

- That was a long time ago.

- [Man Screams]

You f***in' p*ssy!

That's a possum.

I thought it was a rat.

Good boar, R.D.

This is great.

You should have

stewed up that possum.

Then we could have

invited John's neighbors.

Do you think they did that

to your uncle's place?

Wasn't them. What happened

to your uncle?

Became an alcoholic.

[Man] What else is there to do out here?

[Ben] Hunt hogs.

- Death walks on all fours.

- That's bullshit.

The store owner said there's a

3,000-pound pig rooting out here...

A real "Hogzilla. "

Pigs don't get that big, do they?

Domestics can.

As I kid I saw one at the county fair

that was 2,000 pounds.

But wild hogs... they don't

get much bigger than 350.

And tusks?

Like razor wire.

County fair.

There was a rodeo too.

It was fun.

Yeah? I don't know.

There's something I don't trust

about white people with ropes.

What do people

do out here for a living?

Used to be

a toxic waste dump.

Now they're hoping

for a prison.

In the meantime, these hills

are filled with marijuana.

Really?

Pot's the biggest cash

crop in California.

F*** hunting.

Let's get high.

[Man] At least I've

been deer hunting.

[Ben] I saw that piddly rack

in your garage.

We're not huntin' Bambi.

What have you

ever shot besides targets

at the gun club?

At least I didn't stand by when

my friend was in trouble.

All right, double or nothing on...

[Indistinct]

You done, boy?

Let's get back

to our tent...

before the bogeyman gets us.

How come you never really talk

about your uncle?

What is there to say?

When my father died,

he sort of took over that role.

Taught me how to be a man.

Shoot straight.

We're living together

a year.

When you pulled that crossbow

out of the closet...

I didn't even know

you were a hunter.

I'm not anymore.

There's something in you that comes

alive when you're out there...

putting the sneak

on your prey.

Tracking.

You have a purpose.

A well-defined objective.

A mission

to assert your authority.

Most incredible rush,

getting an animal

in your sights.

Knowing that it's them

and not you...

[Exhales]

there's an intense power...

knowing that you're gonna

spill its blood...

that you're gonna take...

this living,

breathing thing's life.

There's just something

so natural...

about the way blood flows,

reflex of your finger.

It can't be denied.

Total control.

[Moans]

[Whispering]

Yeah.

[Soft Footsteps]

[Twig Snaps]

John.

Do you hear something?

- [Gasps]

- [Laughs] Hey there, John.

Ricky said you came back.

I didn't know you get takeout

this far from the city.

- Who the f*** are you?

- Oh, she's got a mouth on her.

What are

you two doin' here?

Huntin'.

Time to get to Big Wallow.

Right, John?

[Snickers]

Nice guns.

What is this,

an after-school special?

Well, if we wanna shoot

more than blue jays,

we better get a move on.

Who the hell are you?

Old friends.

[Inhales]

Mmm.

[Snorts]

[Sniffles]

How do you guys

like your coffee?

Hot.

- You got any soda?

- In the cooler.

[Sniffles]

You ain't a dog.

You're a pet.

They said they know

where the hogs are.

[Ben] John needs a goddamn map

to find his uncle's ranch.

I know where I am now.

We came here to hunt.

Right, Wayne?

This is supposed to be

our weekend.

Come on, didn't you say these

guys are your friends, John?

Once upon a time.

What about us?

F*** it. Let's go.

Giddyup.

I can handle them.

How do you guys

like your foam?

What are you,

some kinda sway boy?

No.

[Chuckles]

[Gruff Voice] I was raised

to be a saucier.

A great saucier!

You got any sugar?

Eye-opener?

[Laughs]

This is my kinda foam.

Got any of that

other stuff?

[Chuckles]

Come on, Starbucks.

- Let's get a hunt on.

- [Quincy] We're all going?

Let's do it to it.

[Funky Rock Riffs]

[Man] Stoned,

stoned Yeah, stoned

B-B-B-B

A little bit stoned

Stoned, stoned

A little bit stoned

B-B-B-B

A little bit stoned

Stoned, stoned

A little bit stoned

B-B-B-B

A little bit stoned

Stoned, stoned

A little bit stoned

B-B-B-B

A little bit stoned

Boars...

will only come at you once,

unless they're cornered.

Then they'll keep on comin'.

[Chuckles]

Now, Ricky,

he got tossed

by a full-tusk devil once.

Ten feet.

[Grunts]

Air to ass.

Then it kissed him.

[Laughs]

Is that how

you got that scar?

John gave him

that one.

They were playin'

mumbly-peg.

Ricky's buck knife

cut John in the foot,

so he just

slashed it out.

Things even up.

- I got this one in Fallujah.

- Damn!

I'll bet you unloaded a few clips

on those towel-heads.

It ain't no video game

over there.

This here's where

that hog stuck me.

But I got the last laugh.

Why are we stopping?

Showin' off old wounds.

[Kissing Sound]

[Mouths Words]

[Groans]

[Sighs]

Oh, too much caffeine.

[Ben] Who made this path?

Shh.

You wanna see what the round we

were usin' in Iraq can do?

[Gunshot]

[Laughing]

What the f***

are you doing?

What I was trained to do.

Sweet.

You didn't have

to do that.

How do you know?

[Kissing Sound]

[Chuckling]

[Sniffs]

There's rootin'.

Where?

- [Brooks] Pigs did this?

- [John] Probably in about 10 minutes.

Whoo! It looks

like a rototiller.

Look at that.

[Ricky] Some folks

ain't got no respect.

Maybe they're talkin' about

"Pig-foot. " Shut the f*** up, Ben.

Whoa. Touchy.

All right, you know,

let's stop right here.

And see who else

knows how to shoot.

Bring it on.

Boys and their guns. Looks like

an N.R.A. convention.

Hey, we passed

some old oaks.

There might be mushrooms

back on the trail.

Wanna go see?

I'll stay here

at the O.K. Corral.

So who's first?

I'll go.

I think you got within 20

yards on that last one.

You brought a kill gun. And

kill guns are for pussies.

We got our own way of

finishing 'em off up here.

Right, John?

Or ain't that the way

your uncle did it?

He got finished.

[Rifle C*cks]

[Laughs]

What are you gonna do, John?

You gonna cut me?

I ain't 12 no more.

You two can tangle after

we whomp us a pig.

You're up.

We know John can shoot.

[Barks]

What is it, Wolfie?

[Snorts]

[Flies Buzzing]

[Twig Snaps]

- [Wolfgang Barks]

- Oh, God.

Close enough.

Just make sure it's on safety

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