Pigs
Cleaver:
She's going,"I can't, I can't"
I'm like, "Come on,
Patty, why not?"
And then she says,
"Because my teeth are jagged"
What a f***in' freak,
can you believe that sh*t?
What was she doing down there
if she wasn't going to put it in?
Hey, Miles
Miles:
Gentlemen, I have justenjoyed my first threesome
Various:
Ooh's and Aaah's
Whoo!
You son of a b*tch, you got double teamed
Dude, you been
on such a wicked tear lately, man
Weren't you with that blonde
f***in' hottie just last week?
That's right, Tommy
Debbie Zimmerman
Wasn't her box
completely shaved?
Miles:
You don't mind it either
Tommy:
What about that freaky-ass chick- Anita Kahn
- Anita Kahn
She had a stellar body
Cleaver:
Gave you all threeinputs if I recall
Nothin' wrong with a little
mud on the old helmet
Cleaver:
Miles, Anita Kahn
Is that Kahn
as in James Caan,
or Kahn as in wrath of?
Wrath of, why?
Well, Quinn, Zimmerman, Kahn
The "Q","Z", and the "K",
those gotta be the most difficult letters
I guess
Look, I gotta get this down on paper,
while it's still fresh
I'll see you strugglers later
You still keep a record
Oh yeah, bangs,
hummers, hand jobs, ass play,
you name it
It's all in the journals
F***, dude, how does he do it?
Some guys
they're just born with it
And the rest of us well, we have to
wait around for the jagged tooth retards
Adios, ladies
Hey, don't lock me out again
Cleaver:
F*** off!
Miles:
Oh Ben, I'm sorry
Nice! Snappin' one off, are we?
Leave him alone!
Big deal, like he's the only one
that's beatin' his eggs in this place?
It is a big deal to him
All right?
He's not like you, thank God
He's shy
Cleaver:
And is thatmy f***in' problem? Come on, Miles
That f***in' p*ssy has gotta start acting
like one of the guys sooner or later
Miles:
Yeah, I know, but just don'tbust his balls when he comes back
Yes, Mom
Can I see the picture again?
Are you going to bust his balls?
No No!
Don't lick it!
CMFU, Campus Radio
Cleaver:
In less than a month,you railed a "Q", a "Z" and a "K"
I still can't get over that
Miles:
Yup
You know with those
letters out of the way,
you could probably hoink the entire alphabet
before you graduate
I mean, If you haven't already
Who was before the Kahn?
Let's see what
the good book has to say
We had Tanya Anderson,
Debbie Spinoza;
before that we had
Marcia Springer and Sue
HmmSue, uh Sutinsky
but it definitely starts with an "S"
Okay, so that's like three "S"s
Okay what a waste
Who would have thought
the "S"s were such sluts
Hmm
Why don't you do it, man?
Why don't you do
the entire alphabet?
F*** off!
No, no, just listen, listen
Using your books, and some of
those pictures that you've taken,
you've already gotten since, like, first semester
Then we figure out which letters
you have to get before you graduate,
I don't know, to make it complete
And what for?
Because we could parlay
into some major coin,
that's what for
You mean actually
take bets on this?
Hell yeah
You know,
don't take this the wrong way,
but I don't think I want to get involved
in any of your gimmicks
F***, Miles!
Is it the battery?
It's the battery
Do you know
what you're doing?
I like to think so
Here, hand me that file
Thanks
Here, try that,
that should work
Try that, that should work
the battery replaced
Yeah, I've been told
I should get the battery
replaced
Thanks
Cleaver:
Now, there are two months leftbefore Miles graduates,
and according to his diaries,
these are the letters he's already gotten
And these are the ten letters
he has yet to get
Now there will be an overall bet
whether he completes the whole alphabet or not
Those are 30 to 1 odds,
as well as side bets
for each individual letter
The tougher the letter,
the greater the odds
Who decides
which are the tough letters?
Common sense does
Okay, names starting
with "M"s and "N"s,
they're a lot more common
than those starting with "U"s and "V"s,
so "U"s and "V"s
would be the tougher letters
And let us not forget the
mother of all tough letters,
the dreaded "X"
I think it'd be impossible to meet an "X",
let alone f*** one,
so the odds on the "X"
are already 10 to 1
Am I going too fast
for anyone here?
Big Eddie:
If you're serious,
I definitely want in on this action
Cleaver:
I'm glad to hear that, but, uh
there's just one, teeny,
weenie little setback
What's that?
Miles ain't exactly agreed
to do this yet
Okay, let me get this straight
You want me to carry a camera
with me at all times,
start with specific letters of the alphabet,
have sex with them,
and either talk them into
letting me take their picture,
or if they're not into it
wait around till
they've fallen asleep,
then very quietly take a picture of them
without waking them up,
and then bring the picture back here
as proof for you strugglers
Yeah, is that going
to be a problem for you?
No, I just wanted to
make sure I got it straight
I can't believe I'm
actually witnessing this
Hey, even if you ain't bettin',
Mr Nice guy,
you gotta keep your mouth shut
Ben:
Says who?
Big Eddie:
Says me, b*tch
All right, gentlemen,
let the games begin!
# When I walked the hot ass fucks
# And they go all the way
# When I talk the chicks all gawk
# 'Cause they just wanna play
# As for me
# It's all about quality
# Easily
# I'll do 'em from "A" to "Z"
# When skirts drop I open shop
# Four feet under my sheets...
Miles:
Gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you
to someone
The "O"
Any way you look at it,
it's still an "O"
Got 'em Got 'em
Need 'em Got 'em
Need 'em Got 'em
Got 'em Got 'em
Need 'em
# Do them from "A" to "Z"
# Line 'em up
# I'll shoot them down
# One by one
# They'll go downtown
# yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
# As for me
# It's all about quality
# Easily
# I'll do 'em from "A" to "Z"
# As for me
# It's all about quality
# Easily
Miles:
In all the letters,
this is going to be the b*tch
of the bunch
So, let me see
- You're Tiffany Smith, right?
- Yep
And your friend here
is Michelle Noonan?
- Noonan, yeah
- Michelle Noonan?
Now that's not with a "G"
or a "P" or anything, is it?
No! It's "N", for Noonan
"N" for Noonan
Miles:
Need 'em Got em Got em
Need 'em Got 'em Got 'em
Time
Man:
Don't forget, everyone,Friday's tutorial is cancelled
Please read chapters 9 through 11,
they will be on the test
Excuse me?
Yes?
Um I was just wondering if, uh
if you knew
if we had a tutorial on Friday
No, the prof said it was cancelled
Oh, that's right, he did, didn't he?
Oh, I'm Ben
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"Pigs" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/pigs_15886>.
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