Pigs Page #2

Gabrielle Nice to meet you, Ben

Oh wait! I think you forgot your book!

Man on TV:
It's guaranteed

to put the fire back in your firearm!

Sergeant Rock-Dick gives you

a major woody in your private parts.

Miles:

That was a complete waste of sweat

Not one decent piece of tail

in the entire gym

Cleaver:

Oh, I'm sorry, brother

Guess what?

I made new charts

Miles:

Yeah, you're missing the "P"

What?

Miles:
The "P"

Yeah, I railed her a while back

She was between the "C"

and the "I"

What the hell is that?

That is a wicked sh*t

I took while you were in class

I thought you might

want to see it

That's disgusting

There she is The "P"

She's been hounding me

ever since

Oh, send that nag my way,

I'll do her silly

She ain't worth the hassle

Pass me a highlighter

- Here you go

- Thanks

So, any new prospects?

Miles:

I'm seeing an "N" tonight

- Nice

- Yeah

"N" being for Whoa!

Chewbacca,

what's with all the fur?

What are you talking about?

Cleaver:

Uh, your pubes man,

Don't you trim 'em up?

Ben:

No

Well, you should, sasquatch

Why the hell would I do that?

Aside from the obvious,

because chicks dig it, that's why

You're nuts

What do you need all

that extra padding down there for, anyways?

Oh, I forgot,

excessive masturbation

F*** off, Cleaver!

F*** off, Cleaver!

Miles, does he always

have to be here?

Miles, does he always

have to be here?

Look if you're so in f***in' love with him

why don't you move in?

Hey!

Cleaver:
F***, I'm just trying

to help the guyout, okay?

Fine, you tell him, because Chia-dick here

thinks it's still 1979

In his disturbed way,

Cleaver does have a point, Benny

I mean,

all the guys are trimming it up

Girls have been doing it forever

and now they expect the favour to be returned

Nah, you guys you guys

are just f***ing with me,

you want me you want me

to shave down there

so that you can tell all the guys

and they'll make fun of me

Something's gonna begin...

Cleaver:

Loose now, motherf***er!

Jesus!

Cleaver:

What?

My pouch, look how smooth it is,

It's nice, right?

It looks like raw turkey

Oh, it f***in' does

Ben:

You're sick!

Cleaver:

Oh, I'm sick

Okay, If a chick's going

to lick a ball sack,

do you think she's going

to like this

or your f***ing bird's nest?

Ben:
This is by far the gayest

f***ing day of my life

Okay, it's not gay,

Benji, it's physics

Come on, Benny,

a confident hetero shouldn't be afraid

to whip out the old yam bag to prove a point

Does part of being a confident hetero

mean you have to sleep with

Uh, I'm just trying to help

you out F***

Oh my God, look at

the water spots all over my glass

You know, Michelle, if you

want to go somewhere else we can just

No, it's okay

I'm sure it's clean

It's spotty, but clean

Waiter:

Is this a better table?

Mmm

May I take your drink order?

Michelle?

I'll have a white wine spritzer

Oh, with Sprite, not soda

Sprite

A glass of your house red, please

Red wine?

That's so gross,

it totally stains your teeth

Michelle:

Can we order dinner now?

Of course

Miles, you go first,

I'm still looking at the menu

Ah, okay Um

Yeah, I'll have

the Porterhouse, medium,

with a loaded baked potato

Great

You eat meat?

How can you do that

to those poor, furry little animals?

I ordered a steak, it's

cows aren't furry or little

You better watch yourself

What goes around

comes around

You may be reincarnated as a cow

With some big oaf

sticking a fork into you

And for the lady?

Oh, I'll have the tuna fillet

and your house salad

Oh, with the dressing on the side

Back with your drinks

Uh, I don't get it

You don't eat meat

but you ordered a tuna steak

I didn't order a tuna steak,

I ordered a tuna fillet

Okay, but, my point

Michelle:

And tuna's not meat

I have a very clear rule

I never eat anything with faces

And fish don't have faces

Only profiles

Thank you

Ugh

So, what's the story

with that car of yours?

What's wrong with my car?

It's a relic!

It's a classic

A Porsche is a classic

Yours is a fossil

When we were driving here I felt like

I was driving to church with my grandpa

Okay, that's enough

All right?

I can't take any more

of your constant complaining

I don't have to take this from an "N"

I could throw a bun

and hit another "N"

Maybe if you were an "X" or a "U"

But an "N"?

You've got to be kidding me

Take a cab home,

if you can find one you like

And I'm taking this

Wendy, hey! What a surprise

What are you doing here?

Well, um

I just haven't

heard from you in a while

I called a couple times

but I guess you've been pretty busy

Yeah, I've, uh I've been

a little preoccupied, you could say

I guess

Well here, I, uh

I baked you a pie

- A pie?

- Yeah

Wow, wow, that's swell

It's a peach pie, so "P" could be

for peach, or for Peterson, right?

"P" for Peterson

Yes, sir

Uh, you shouldn't have

I wanted to

Hey, you want to go maybe

grab a coffee or something?

Well, you know,

I'm, uh I'm pretty bagged,

and, uh, I've already had

a pretty rough night, so

Well, if it's something

you want to talk about

Not really No, thanks though

Okay, um

Well good night?

Yeah, yeah, good night

I mean, pie Wow

Peach pie

I'll give you call later,

see how you liked the

Pie

Did you know you have no face?

That's right,

you only have profiles

Not only that, I got a psycho Betty Crocker

hanging outside my room

Well I'm telling you buddy, for a lunatic,

she makes a kick-ass pie

I just hope

she didn't poison it

Where's Benny?

Oh, I think

he's at the pub with the guys

F*** it, it's early,

I still may be able to grab a stat

You coming?

Cleaver:
Yeah, I don't mind

getting my horn scraped tonight

Miles:

Roadie?

Cleaver:

Don't mind if I do

Cleaver:

Your camera

Oh, thanks

Oh sh*t, the "P's" back!

F***! No

You should've seen

the look on your face

This is my sh*t

I am so getting some p*ssy!

All I ask is that

you don't get anything on that shirt

I'm not going to get

anything on your shirt

Miles:

Where's the crew?

Lot of nice talent here tonight, ah?

Not too shabby

Next pitcher's on me

How you doin'

Ben Chia-dick

Hi, I'm Miles

Hi, Rebecca

Nice to meet you, Rebecca

Nice to meet you

You got a last name, Rebecca?

Stenson

Sorry?

- Stenson

- Barmaid:
$1250

That's a shame

Oh Hey, Miles, how about that girl

over there with the big breasts?

Whoa, check out

the crazy funbags on that chick!

That's nice

Those are so mine

Those are so f***in' yours

No, I was pointing her out

for Miles!

No, I was pointing her out

for Miles Grow up, f***

Dude, dude, dude,

check it out

That's the girl that fixed my car

No, you don't want her, Miles,

you know what they say:

"Good from far is far from good", right?

I've seen her up close, Benny

She's good

She's real good

So, what you doin' here, hero?

You finished three pumpin'

the "N" yet?

You guys done strugglin'

on the dance floor yet?

It's the f***in' "P"

Great

Cleaver:

So what are you going to do?

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