Pitchfork

1

- Thanks a lot a**hole!

Trish, what'd I do?

- No, not you.

Some guy just drove by

and blew a bunch of dust.

But anyhow,

there's no way I'm giving up

my weekend getaway with Sam

just so my dad can have me

working on the farm all weekend.

I can't wait to get out

of this freaking town.

- Well you could've gotten

a flight to Miami with me.

- Well at least you get out.

But I'll be there and soon

we'll be having margaritas

on the beach.

Country?

Country get back here!

Let me call you back,

I'm gonna kill this dog.

Country?

Country?

If you don't get back here

I'm gonna turn your ass

into beef jerky.

Country?

Country?

Country are you okay?

No!

- Why exactly are we sitting in

the middle of this hay field?

- I don't know, Lenox, I guess,

I don't know, to tell

you guys thank you.

And I mean that, like thanks

for coming with me, it means

a lot to me.

I mean this is

the first time

seeing my dad

since telling him

over the phone.

This is the first time

even speaking to him.

As you all know I'm just

super nervous about it.

- Oh don't be nervous, mi Amore.

We all love you.

You're our GBFF.

- We got your back,

love, you know that.

- And your front.

- You mean a lot to us dude.

We are more than happy to

be here to support you.

- You know I just have

to warn you guys though,

small town views,

they're not like New York

city views, you know?

I mean.

I don't know how my dad will

treat me now that he knows.

I think he's more worried

about what people will say

about having a gay son

if that makes sense.

- Then don't be gay?

Change it, problem solved.

- That's like me telling

you not to be an a**hole.

You can't change it,

you were born that way.

I swear to god if you

don't keep your opinions

to yourself, I am gonna.

- It's okay.

I'm gonna have to

get used to it now.

I mean I know my dad

is probably gonna

have the same opinion.

It's gonna be rough.

- Rough?

I guess you haven't

had Mrs. Adams class

and her stupid improv exercises.

- She's nuts.

- But you know, don't

get me wrong guys,

my parents are good people.

- Aw, I'm sure they are love.

But I hope they understand,

this big barn dance,

you promised us.

- Don't worry you'll

get your freakin'

country barn dance.

- Oh my god, I can't like wait

to pop an Amish guys cherry.

Yeehaw.

No but seriously.

- Come on people.

We have to fun this trip.

This is our last big

shin dig before we

start planning the big wedding.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh yeah.

The big italiano themed wedding.

- Oh hell yeah man.

That's how Kanye

married his goddess KK.

- Oh shut up.

- Seriously?

- What?

Psh.

- What the hell was that?

- Oh em gee, that's some

of animal or something.

- Is that even an animal?

- That sounded like

someone just died.

That's freaky.

- Okay old farms

really freak me out.

- Old farms? How

bout' corn fields?

Go in one of those and

never come back out.

- So true.

- Oh and the scarecrows

are so creepy.

It's like a cult or something.

- Oh scary.

- That's just some cat

call for some dirty old

hillbilly who's meowing

into the country air.

- Like you would know

what that is, rocky.

Hunter, could that be normal?

- Is that normal?

Guys, this is the

country, what's normal?

I mean look at all of us.

Look at Lenox.

- Ha ha, very funny.

- What?

- Infinity.

It's time for the

one I love the most.

- Infinity, it's time for

the one I love the most.

If you love me so much,

why don't I have this jacket?

- Now you're asking

for too much.

You'll get a ring from me

before you get this jacket.

- Ready to do this?

Mission plant a rainbow

in the countryside.

- Oh yeah.

You know, rumor has it,

you've planted your rainbow

on every street corner

in New York City.

From the boys to the girls.

- Come to think, I

was actually about

to tell you I loved you.

Glad I didn't, ha!

I'm driving.

- Alright, shotgun.

- Come on, come on.

- Ready to go.

Let's yeezy out of this b*tch.

- That's right.

- Jesus.

Looks like the breakfast

club just puked on my lawn.

- Wayne, you promised

me you'd behave.

- Dad.

- Hunter.

- Come here.

- Hey mom.

- Look at you.

You're looking skinnier,

are you eating enough?

- Yeah.

I eat plenty enough.

Mom.

Dad.

This is the gang.

There's Gordon.

- Hi, ma'am.

Sir.

- Claire, Matt.

That's rocky.

Janelle.

Lenox and that's Flo.

- Be right back.

- Thanks so much Mr and Mrs

Killian for letting us all stay.

Farms beautiful here.

- Yeah let's go cow tipping.

- Yeah.

- There's no such thing as

cow tipping, little lady.

They sleep laying down.

It's horses that

sleep standing up.

- Let's go horse tipping.

- Honey just bite your tongue.

- So how was your trip?

Did it feel long?

- It's not that bad when you

got a car full of entertainers.

Expect some good times,

except when somebody

in your group sounds

like one of your chickens.

- Hey!

Rocky.

- We don't

have chickens, genius.

- Guys?

Knock it off.

- You said it's Claire, right?

- Yeah.

- You know you're,

you're a lot prettier

then my son mentioned.

- Oh well,

thank you.

I heard you were

quite the charmer.

It's really hunter

who's so amazing.

We love him so much.

- Yeah.

- Where's Jenny, mom?

- Oh she's out doing chores.

You know Jenny, she

gets with those animals

and she could spend

hours out there.

Maybe even all night.

I'll get her.

Jenny!

- You're home!

- Holy sh*t.

Is that what we heard earlier?

- Yo, watch your mouth bro.

There's old people around.

- Hey.

- I missed you so much.

Don't stay away so long.

- Hey, anything for you, Jenny.

So are you surviving

the big city life?

- Oh yeah it's perfect for me.

I mean,

there's always

something going on,

there's always places to see.

And the people,

you'd love all the different

types of people there.

- Really?

- Oh yeah.

- Do most of them

look like that?

- They should be so lucky.

- Says the little

girl covered in sh*t.

- So Jenny what

have you been up to?

From the mud on your

boots today it looks

like you've been working.

You pretty much

running this farm?

- I wish.

Pretty much just chores.

Taking care of all

of the animals.

Guess what?

- Huh?

- I pulled three

calves this morning.

Y'all have to come see them.

- Aw, that'd be amazing.

Right guys?

- Yeah that's our

little animal whisperer.

- It's a good boy.

It's okay, boy.

Good boy.

Nothing's there.

- Come on Jenny, get

that horse put away

and then you could help us

get everybody settled in

and then show em'

around the farm.

- K, mom!

It's okay boy.

- Sounds like a plan to us.

- Just get em' unpacked and

show em' to their rooms.

- Come on guys,

hurry up, let's go.

Get your bags.

There's some barn dancing

we gotta get ready for.

- Yeehaw!

- The hell she just

say? Barn dance?

- You might like it.

It'll be fun.

- Can't believe

my son is a fairy.

- Well.

Maybe he gets it from

your side of the family.

- Be patient.

He'll come around.

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