Please Stand By

---

Wendy:
Light.

It can travel

for millions of years

before finally reaching

its destination.

It goes lonely and alone...

hoping that

it will reach someone.

But what if it never arrives?

What if it never finds a home?

Because space is so vast...

and time is so long...

and out here, it's so easy...

to get lost.

(voices over spaceship radio)

Man:
All hands alert.

All hands alert.

(woman speaking

over spaceship radio)

Man:

Radiation levels climbing.

35 percent.

Woman:

Raise shields.

Man:

Shields are down to 60 percent.

Still falling.

Man:
Can I get a reading?

Where is this coming from?

Life support

has been compromised.

I repeat, life support

has been compromised.

Wendy:

Captain's log, final entry.

The Enterprise

is presumed lost.

Spock and I

are the sole survivors.

Our destiny, unknown.

Captain Kirk:

I'm not gonna make it, Spock.

You have to go on

and save the Federation alone.

Spock:

Negative, Captain.

I'm not going anywhere

without you.

Spock to Enterprise.

"Enterprise, this is Spock."

"Enterprise, are you there?"

Girl:

Oh, say can you see

By the dawn's early light

- What so proudly we hailed

- Hey, Lexi.

At the twilight's

last gleaming

- (TV playing)

- (phone ringing)

Girl:
Whose broad stripes

and bright stars

Through the perilous fight

Scottie:

This is Scotlyn Kyle

at the Bay Area

Assisted Living Center.

Please leave a message.

- (man speaks on TV program)

- Hey, Big D.

And the rockets' red glare

Ladies.

Come here, Brittanie,

give me a hug.

Scottie:
Oh, good morning.

Cindy...

High-five.

Nice one! That hurt!

(Scottie chuckles)

Hey, where's Wendy?

I think she's upstairs

in her bedroom.

Girl:
Say does that

star-spangled banner yet wave

Over the land of the free

"Hang on, Captain...

I am going to get you home."

(Scottie blowing kazoo)

(Scottie humming like kazoo)

- Good morning, Wendy.

- Good morning, Scottie.

Scottie:
Okay.

Can we try three seconds

of eye contact?

Let's try...

three seconds.

Scottie:
Great.

Three seconds of eye contact.

Yay.

So, next week,

your sister's coming to visit.

How are you feeling about it?

(Wendy mumbles)

Out loud thinking, please.

I'm feeling somewhat

a little bit nervous.

What does that feel like?

Like I've got to pee,

but I don't.

That's how nervousness

feels for me, too.

But, you know,

there's no need to worry,

we're gonna make sure

you're very well-prepared.

Okay, now, can we go over

your everyday schedule?

My everyday schedule...

Wendy:
Wake up.

Make bed.

Get towel and toiletries.

If my towel smells funny,

put it in the hamper

and get a new towel.

Go into bathroom.

Check to see

if I'm having my period.

If I am having my period,

remember that

I am having my period.

Scottie:
And how do you do that?

I put one thumb up

to help me remember.

If I am having my period,

put on a Kotex maxi pad,

and put my thumb down.

Wendy:
Put on an outfit.

Monday, orange.

Tuesday, lavender.

Wednesday, blue.

Thursday, dots.

Friday, yellow.

Saturday, purple.

Sunday is red.

Go into the kitchen

to make toast.

Unless Richard "the F*** Face"

is hogging the toaster.

Scottie:
Wendy.

Unless Richard

is hogging the toaster.

Go to work.

Turn right onto Page Street.

Turn right

onto Buchanan Street.

And when I get

to Market Street, stop...

(traffic sounds)

Because I'm not allowed

to cross Market Street

under any circumstances.

Wait for the 321 Bus

to Stonestown Galleria.

Remember to smile at work,

while I say...

Welcome to Cinnabon!

Would you like a Cinnabon?

But don't repeat

the words too quickly.

And make it sound

different each time.

Welcome to Cinnabon.

Would you like a Cinnabon?

Welcome to Cinnabon!

Would you like a Cinnabon?

Three pm, study.

Yeah, see how

his mouth goes down?

- Okay.

- Four pm, take Pete for a walk.

When you see the man

with the legs,

it means you can walk.

When you see the red hand,

it means that you have to

hold up your hand

before you can walk.

Six pm,

watch "Star Trek" on TV Land.

(space sound effects)

TV:
The ship

is still functioning, Captain.

It is logical to assume

the mutineers are

somewhere aboard.

7:
00 pm, dinner.

8:
00 pm, chores.

And then I have

free time before I go to bed.

Beautiful.

I think your sister's

gonna be very impressed.

- I think she will be, too.

- Scottie:
I would be.

I am.

Okay, now it's time to work

on your "Names and Places".

"Names and Places" sucks!

Well, it's not

my favorite activity either,

but we need to do it.

Can I watch TV?

Yes.

But first,

what do you have to be?

You have to be very...

Calm.

Calm.

Excellent.

(squeaking)

(Audrey hums)

Coffee?

Yes, please!

Sh*t, no milk.

Audrey:
Yeah?

Ah, bless you.

Thanks.

(sighing)

When are you seeing your sister?

Soon.

Mm, that's good.

TV announcer:
And now,

an important reminder...

For 50 years,

Star Trek has boldly gone

where no one has gone before.

So, the call is out

and the contest is on.

They want you

to send in your script,

highlighting the best

of the Star Trek universe.

So, fire up

those word processors

because your completed,

printed script

must be received by Paramount

no later than February 16th.

So, get your scripts done,

it's just one week away.

Wendy:
"He stood there,

on the edge of reality...

Only a thin membrane

shielded him

from the chaos beyond...

Could he trust

Commander Worf or not?

He asked himself.

He feared the worst.

Spock looks up at the

star-filled sky,

surveys the barren contours

of this alien wasteland...

'Escape is imperative,'

he whispers."

Hey, Wendy.

Hi, Nemo.

- How's your script coming?

- It's going excellent.

I just wrote a sub-story

where Spock travels

to Deep Space Nine

to recruit Commander Worf

for battle.

That sounds awesome.

Uh...

By the way, I...

(clears throat)

I made you something.

It's got some really

dope tracks on there.

I really hope you enjoy it.

I'm gonna clean the mixer.

(Nemo clears throat)

Oh, say can you see

So, Richard, we've arranged

an interview for you

at the grocery store

at the end of the street.

Does that interest you?

- Yeah?

- (cell phone ringing)

Excuse me.

Hello?

- Man:
Is this Scotlyn Kyle?

- Yeah.

Ms. Kyle, this is

Reginald Mayweather

from Balboa High.

Did you get out of bed today?

At all?

(Scottie sighs)

Scottie:
Okay.

What's going on with you, Sam?

You ever feel depressed?

Angry?

Mom, stop trying to diagnose me.

Well, why aren't you in school?

We had a deal.

You go to school, you do well.

That's all I ask.

And you have a math test

next week which,

by the way,

I just found out about today.

So, young man,

you are gonna study right here.

Boy:
Even my grandmother could

answer your stupid questions.

Dude, you might as well

be asking her

what the name of the ship is,

how bout

you find a hard question?

Like in the back of the book.

I got one.

Okay.

In the original series episode,

"Court Martial"...

what award was given

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