Plenty Page #4

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And I couldn't let Mr Medlicott down.

I know how you hate the winter crossings.

- High seas.

- Please don't patronise me, Susan

Anyway, perhaps in the spring

it would be nice to meet.

Please... don't insult my intelligence.

I know you better than you think.

When you start talking longingly about

the war some deception usually follows.

Goodbye.

The Coronation's rather a special affair

- I do apologise.

- Good morning.

I have the whole thing here, lunch

for six hundred. Tomorrow's menu.

I've checked titles in Debrett and

the precedence, as we discussed.

We were just talking about

the order of toasts.

Ah, well, I've suggested the

loyal toast before the pudding

and leave all the others

till after the cheese.

I wonder, does anyone have any suggestions?

- Hello, how are you?

- Have I missed anything?

Nothing.

I was going to make the rather unconventional

suggestion that we split the toasts up.

Perhaps offer just one before we have our pudding,

then leave the others until the end of the meal.

An excellent suggestion

from Viscount Tampan.

- I trust we all agree.

- Yes, yes

Now, there is the

question of police routing

Gosh, I mean, didn't

that take the bally biscuit!

Oh, it was nothing. Honestly.

I was wondering... Susan, do you

have somewhere to watch tomorrow?

I was hoping you might be able to

come and watch the whole thing with me.

Mater and Pater have a house

right bang on the route.

- You'd get a really first-class view.

- Oh, Ashley, how nice. I'd really like it.

- I'll ring you tomorrow, all right?

- Super.

Five hundred cheese graters?

I've got five hundred cheese graters

parked round the side. Interested?

No, I'm afraid you're too late.

- We took a consignment a week ago.

- Oh.

But we are using your spoons

tomorrow, at our banquet.

- I wish I could see it.

- Yes. Yes, I wish you could, too.

Be out of a job after this, then?

Yes... well, I am. Ah, but I'm

thinking of going into advertising.

- Nice.

- Yes, I met some people on the Coronation Committee.

I doubt if it'll stretch me but it

might be a way of having some fun.

So, you'd better tell me how I can help.

Well, I'm looking for a father.

I, erm, I want to have a child.

Look... it really is much

easier than it sounds. I mean,

marriage is not involved

or even looking after it. Er

you don't even have to see the

pregnancy through. I mean

conception would be the end of the job.

You don't want to.

No... no, I'd be delighted.

I'm lucky to be asked.

Not at all.

It's just, um your own people.

Friends... you must have friends?

- Yes, it's, um

- I mean no go on, say.

Well I'm afraid I'm quite

strong-minded, as you know

and so with the men that I've met at

work, or my friends, as you'd say

I usually feel that I'm holding myself in for

fear of literally blowing them out of the room.

I mean they are kind they are able, but I

don't see why I should have to compromise.

I don't see why I should have to make some sad

and decorous marriage, just to have a child.

I don't think any woman

should have to do that.

- You don't have to get married.

- Ah, well

You just go off with 'em.

You don't tell 'em.

Yes, I did think that.

But then I thought it would be dishonest

and so I had the idea of asking

someone whom I barely knew.

- I'd really like to know

- Yes?

why you chose me. I mean,

how often have you met me?

Yes that's the whole point.

With Alice a few times?

Alice says what? I'm clean

obedient haven't got any

morons in the family

- It's not as calculated as that.

- Not as calculated as that?

Several hundred of us, was there?

All got notes, did we?

No

Saying "Come and meet me at the

Embankment tell no-one bring no friends"

I thought with all this secrecy

you must at least be after nylons.

Oh, I'll buy nylons,

if that's what you want.

Why me?

- I like you.

- And?

I love you. I chose you because

I don't see you very much...

barely ever see you. We live at opposite

ends of town. It's different worlds.

- Different class.

- Yes. That comes into it.

- Five hundred cheese graters.

- How much?

Something over the odds.

Bit over the odds. Not much.

Done.

Don't worry.

The Coronation will pay.

- Great sky.

- Yes it's a mackerel sky.

That's what they call it.

A mackerel sky

It can't be what you want.

Not deep down.

No

I didn't think so.

No deep down, I'd do the

whole damn thing myself.

But there you are. You're second best.

The hour of eleven is approaching, not only

in London but in every corner of the world.

The prayers and thoughts of the people

are centred onto this young Queen of England.

This gracious lady, upon whom such

burdens of responsibility are to rest,

and who bears them with such royal grace.

The Queen.

Oh... sorry.

You all right?

Has your latest chum left you?

Yes, as they all do.

He went back to his wife.

I suppose if they didn't,

I'd stop wanting them.

I had this idea that lust

that lust was very good.

And could be made simple

and cheering and light.

Perhaps I'm simply out of my time.

We ought to do something.

Why don't we go out?

Mm.

What about you?

Oh, I need to move on.

Is that for you?

No. He's at home.

Mm. Well, there are other people, you know.

I've got so much work to do.

- Who was it?

- Nobody. Wrong house.

What do you think?

I wish she were more, um ordinary.

- Who?

- Well, that woman.

Dog's ordinary.

Oh, God, yes the dog's ordinary,

no question. I'm just worried

will the audience identify?

Well, that depends, of course, how

ordinary they are, really.

Does the dog bowl have to be pink?

yes, the airbrushed ones

Lovely lunch come on

It's good for you

All right, five minutes everybody.

Get that bloody dog back!!

Can't something be

done about that dog?

- Please... can you stay?

- What do you mean?

You can't just walk out.

I've put sirloin steak in the bowl

but the dog still won't go near it.

- You always walk out.

- What do you mean?

Look, if we just took

them out for a drink.

Do you have any idea of the

effort I've had to put into this?

The price I have to pay for sitting

here pretending to be stupid all day.

For God's sake, Roland... look at that

reconstituted yuck. What's it made from?

Account executives' brains?

Is that how they make it?

I have tried. I have. I have tried for months

to sink to the level of this enterprise.

Well, forget it.

The dog has taste.

I'm going to go home.

Hullo, Alice.

Mick... hello!

Gosh, how are you?

I haven't seen you for ages.

No.

No, well, actually, I

I was looking for Susan.

Susan?

Hello, Susan.

I thought I'd come and

say Happy New Year.

I'll pay for this later.

Come on.

Susan.

Please let me talk to you.

What possible good could it do?

I asked Mick to father a child,

that's what we're talking about.

Oh, Christ!

Well, we have tried for over

eighteen months is that right?

- Right.

- And we have failed

which leaves us both feeling pretty stupid.

Pretty wretched, I should say speaking

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