Poolhall Junkies Page #2

Do you honestly think that I would let

a white boy walk into my pool hall...

and talk that much sh*t

unless he was trying to tell me something?

You missed the f***ing signs.

You didn't listen.

Me and Johnny, we's niggas.

- I'm out of here.

- Peace.

What's this I hear

about you not having my money?

Get the f*** off me!

When I was 12, I walked into a pool room...

picked up a cue,

and I just knew how to play.

I guess, for some people,

it's baseball or music.

For me, it was pool.

But I never wanted to be a hustler.

I wanted to be the best.

But after 15 years with Joe...

the only thing I ever got to be

was the best hustler.

I guess, in life, things don't always work out

the way you want them to.

You wanted to see me?

I'd have to say you're the worst carpenter

I ever worked with in my entire life.

How did you get this job?

Jack Radosta hired me on.

I guess he thought

he owed me a couple of favors.

Jack's a good man.

Bad gambler, but he's a good man.

I know I'm no good at any of this stuff.

But Jack's been showing me some things.

If I work harder...

- and I try as hard as I can- -

- Relax, you're not getting fired.

As a matter of fact,

I've decided to move you up...

and make you head of supplies.

That's a promotion, son.

- More money, nice bonuses.

- Thanks.

I figure, out of all the men here,

you're probably most qualified for that job.

Why do you say that?

You're the pool hustler, ain't you?

If I need a few truckloads of steel

to disappear off this site...

I know I can count on you

to make it happen, right?

You get taken care of, I get taken care of,

and everybody's happy.

And the heaviest thing

you ever have to lift around here...

is a clipboard.

Well?

I'm sorry, Bill.

I think you got the wrong guy.

- What?

- Tell Jack I said thanks, okay?

You don't do as I say...

then you and Jack will both

be looking for work somewhere else.

Then you can tell Jack I said we're even.

Johnny, you got a phone call.

Hey, Nick. What's up?

What?

Yeah, I want a game.

What I'm saying is that I bet you $200

I can drink both these pints of beer...

- before you drink those shots of Jack.

- Sounds good to me.

That is absolutely impossible.

- Then put up your money.

- No problem.

- Brett, can you spot me?

- Again? You already owe me $200.

I'll pay tomorrow.

No cheating. I know how you guys are.

You can't knock one of my glasses

off the table...

and tell me to lap it up to win my bet.

- Who the f*** do you think we are?

- I know, I just...

To be fair, you must at least

let me finish my first beer...

before you fire down both your shots.

And we can't touch the other's glasses.

- Deal.

- You're on.

- Fine.

- Sounds good to me.

Absolutely. Good luck.

$20, $30, $40... $65.

How much more do I need?

If Tang wins his game,

that should be just enough.

Since when was he satisfied

with just enough?

Tang's right.

Plus I'll need more money for fliers.

You can play Moose a quick game.

He's good for $100.

- Say, Moose!

- Don't mess with me.

I was watching TV with your wife today.

Stupid b*tch.

Took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Look, I'm sorry. I made him... Oh, my God!

- Say, "1, 2, 3, go. "

- 1, 2, 3, go.

- That hand's quicker.

- What difference does- -

- Use your left hand- -

- Shut up.

You can't touch my glasses

and I can't touch yours.

It's incredible what's going on.

How about that?

That's it, Danny, get your money up.

Race to 5 for $100,

and I wanna see the money this time!

No more playing for owesies.

Good Lord, Moose!

Will you calm down, get a throat lozenge?

Let me get my cue, will you? Hey, Nick!

Hand me my cue, will you?

- Is that legal?

- Of course it's not legal.

I'll get your money.

- What's he doing here?

- Never mind your brother.

He's playing Moose, for Christ's sake.

Concentrate on your own game.

- You've told me that since I was 15.

- I can't help it. This guy's tough.

He's a pro.

You didn't say anything about that.

This guy's a pro? What's his name?

I don't know. He's a new guy on the circuit,

for Christ's sake.

- I don't know. I haven't played in a while.

- If you're short on the money, I'll back you.

- It's not about the money- -

- I know it is not about the money...

but you can't go on playing bums

all your life.

Sooner or later, if you're any kind of man,

you got to step up...

step out, and see what the f*** you got.

All right, somebody hand me a cue.

- You wanna play some?

- Maybe something cheap. I'm just learning.

- $1,000 sound about right?

- Fine.

- Did you see that last shot?

- Unbelievable!

- You see the look on that f***er's face?

- F***ing dog.

We gotta go to Mel's.

Waitress there has the sickest tits

I've ever seen.

- Jesus Christ, when did this happen?

- Weather's been crazy lately.

How often have I said,

"Stay out of the pool room"?

- A thousand?

- Exactly. So how come you don't listen?

It makes no sense. Every day

you say, "Stay out of the pool room. "

But I come and win $200 or $300.

It's easy money.

- Enough!

- Coming to Mel's?

You guys are retarded. I'm not going.

- Let's go.

- Seriously, don't smoke.

If I catch you with him smoking,

I'll take your bar mitzvah money.

- Thanks, Mom.

- He wouldn't do that, would he?

All right, Mom, get in the f***ing car.

Did you guys know

that the average penis size is 6.4 inches...

and that the average vaginal canal

is 7.9 inches?

Therefore, in this country alone...

there's over 17,000 miles...

of unused virgin p*ssy out there.

- Come on.

- What the f*** is the matter with you?

- This sh*t is true.

- Did you do the math on that?

- I did.

- You have too much free time.

Where do you get this sh*t?

- It's common knowledge.

- Hey, Danny.

- You still playing The Goat, Friday night?

- Yes, you girls are coming, right?

The guy who signed Stevie Ray Vaughan

is coming down to see my ass.

Sorry, I gotta work Friday night,

and it's Lanie's last night of training.

What is this, the Olympics?

Come on, take the night off.

I'll train her myself.

This is the universal sign for "check. "

I need this.

If Sinatra made it big by paying off girls

to scream and faint when he sang...

I got to have a couple of hot girls

throwing their panties on stage at my gig.

- We'll see.

- I love you. Mean it.

- Are you kidding me?

- Man, that chick has got body karate.

Do you think her tits are real?

I hate chicks with fake tits.

Are you kidding me? Fake tits are

the greatest invention of the 20th century.

- Plus they're safer.

- Safer?

Do you know that 78 percent

of chicks that have fake tits...

who are involved in boating accidents

do not drown?

- Where do you get this sh*t?

- It's common knowledge.

Get the f*** out of here.

Now, slowly, give me your gun

and all the money in your briefcase, nigga.

You messed

with the wrong guy, motherf***er.

Payback's a b*tch, ain't it?

My girlfriend, Tara, was a law school

student from the good side of the tracks.

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