Pretty Dead Girl

---

Hey, dad.

Remember when mom told me that

monsters were just in my head?

That the world

didn't need vampires

and werewolves and zombies.

Because people were capable

of doing all the dark things.

The world had room for?

I don't want to be a monster.

And i don't want

to be experimented on.

I'm already dead already.

I just need a little help

lying down.

[ Voice breaking ]

Sorry, dad.

This isn't your fault.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Thud ]

When we're done

talking here,

I'm going to

have nurse boyle.

Treat that infection

on your face.

No, i told you.

Whenever i do that,

It just makes it

dig in further.

I'm also going to take

some blood from you,

And we're going to do

a general physical.

Please, please,

don't.

I understand that you are afraid

of what we're going to find,

But i think we need to know

what we're dealing with here.

I am not...

and i got to tell you,

regina,

What i think

we're going to find.

Is that you're suffering

from schizophrenia...

specifically,

cotard's syndrome.

And when you're wrong,

what happens then?

Well,

either way,

We need to know

what's going on with you.

In order to cure you.

I am not schizophrenic.

Okay.

Would you like to know

why i think you are?

Why not?

Your mother died

at a significant age.

In adolescent development.

The fungus you believe

that's inside of you.

Is very similar

to the staph infection.

Which killed

your mother.

The drug use,

the stress of becoming a doctor,

And getting engaged

all at the same time,

Not to mention overdosing

in a public restroom.

These are

all risk factors.

Which lead to the onset

of schizophrenia.

Now,

the nature of your situation,

As you described it

to me,

Is very similar

to the delusions found.

In these kind

of psychotic disorders.

But i...

i'm not delusional.

Did a doctor confirm anything

you found out about yourself?

Ryan confirmed it.

Ryan.

He's an emt.

Ryan.

I'm a doctor.

What,

that isn't enough?

We f***ing videotaped it.

Where's the videotape?

It's... it's at my apartment

or the cops have it.

Schizophrenia

is often associated.

With delusions

of persecution.

You think

i faked it, too.

And what about the pictures

the cops showed me?

It's amazing,

Patients suffering

from cotard's syndrome,

What they would do

to prove to themselves.

That they are,

in fact, dead.

It's extraordinary.

[ Indistinct conversation

in distance ]

[ Laughs ]

And here we both are

on the ferris wheel.

Oh.

I've been on this

once before,

But this

is ryan's first time.

It's my first time.

She's more experienced

than me.

In all things,

really.

[ Gasps ]

is that true?

No.

Never.

[ Chuckles ]

This could be the beginning

of a wonderful relationship.

A little more confidence,

please.

I was gonna say something else,

but i bit my tongue.

So, this is our first time

together on the...

the ferris wheel,

and our official first date.

Did you... did you ever imagine

it would be like this?

I imagined it being better,

actually.

What?!

[ Chuckles ]

What...

what could make it better?

What?

What could make it better?

I don't know.

After this,

what are we gonna do?

Um... we should...

uh, we...

after this,

we're going to eat.

Oh, are we gonna eat

some scrimps?

[ Gasps ]

no.

But i want scrimps.

That's good, too.

Okay, we'll do

whatever you want.

We'll do

what you want.

[ Chuckles ]

well.

[ Laughs ]

wow.

[ Rock music playing ]

[ Indistinct singing ]

Hey.

What are you doing?

You starting to get nervous? No.

Starting to get nervous?

Shut up!

Look at her wiggling.

I know.

I'm trying to watch.

Shut up for a minute.

You...

you shut up.

Listen, have you noticed,

but monogo...

monogamy and matrimony

are not natural occurrences.

In the natural world?

You're not a natural occurrence,

either.

Cooper:

hey, just do it already.

It's not like

she's gonna say no.

She's not going to say no.

She wants it so bad!

Quint:
i'm not gonna bring this

every time we have a...

i didn't ask you

to bring it!

Move your ass.

Regina, move your ass.

Whoa, where are you going,

dr. Stevens?

It is my party,

and i can pee if i want.

What is wrong

with you guys?

Are you serious

about yourselves?

Dude,

we're not the jackass.

Who's been carrying a ring

around for six f***ing weeks.

No, you're the jackasses

trying to blow my spot.

About my proposal.

You f***ing do it!

I have something that'll help

you grow a pair of balls.

Joe:
yeah!

Quint:
holy sh*t.

That's on camera.

What?

Ryan:
let's not...

we're not gonna do that.

I don't want

to do that.

Okay, well,

you're not the only one here.

Come on, we don't need to do

that to have a good time, guys.

We do.

We are boring.

[ Laughter ]

That's true, that's true.

Yeah.

Well, you don't want to do it,

there's more for me.

More for me.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't trip over your vagina

on the way to p*ssy town.

I like p*ssy town.

P*ssy town express

pulling out of the station!

Population me!

Ryan chairman of the board.

Wait. Hold on. He's saying

something really important...

let me get important

for a second.

Okay, man.

You guys

can do all the drugs you want,

Just calm the sh*t down

with the proposal sh*t.

Let me do it on my time.

Dude, get the camera

out of my face.

So, your time would be 2014?

Joe:
at this rate...

[ indistinct singing ]

Whoo!

Whoo!

Are you

gonna do a bump?

Do a bump with us?

I don't think

that's a good idea.

Oh, what's wrong

with you guys?

What is this

"say no to drugs" thing?

That's so, like,

Are you max headroom?

Seriously.

When you guys are married

and you have, like,

A boring little house

and a boring little life.

With a boring picket fence.

And little stupid dog

that barks all the time,

Then you can be boring

and responsible,

But right now,

you need to party.

You just became

a f***ing doctor!

You're gonna save lives.

You need to party!

[ Dance music plays ]

Cooper:
Take it off!

Whoo!

[ Laughing ]

It's okay, tinker bell.

Shonda:
Oh, sh*t.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, my god,

where did you get this sh*t?

[ Sniffs ]

Oh.

God.

Patient had it on him

when we picked him up.

A patient?

[ Laughs ]

Did you f***ing steal

some crackhead's sh*t?

[ Both laugh ]

okay, wait, wait.

Wait, hey, did you let her

steal some crackhead's sh*t?

It wasn't

a crackhead.

Are you filming this?

[ Chuckling ] no.

I'm not filming.

Are you serious?

Again?

Everything.

I bought...

i paid for this camera.

I'm gonna use it.

You're not gonna run for

congress, shonda, so shut up.

Joe:

she's considering it.

Do it!

It's really good sh*t.

What happened?

What happened?

Regina finally...

uh, hey, did you loosen up?

Did i miss it?

No, no.

She's not

gonna do it.

No,

but seriously, like,

If i'm gonna be treating people

who are whacked out,

Then maybe it's a good idea

that i just try it.

That's such

a bullshit excuse.

Can you stop

trying to be my dad?

Wait. Like, no. Please?

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