Prince Avalanche Page #3

Yeah.

It's so hard.

Mm-Hmm.

It took me so long.

I mean... [SCOFFS]...

It took me a great length

of time to change the tire,

So, like, I didn't even get home

until, like, midnight or something.

And I was covered

in grease and very gross,

So I went into my kitchen

and had some salsa

And had a beer, and then...

the next thing you know...

I'm fast asleep.

Well, that's... That's your

body telling you it's exhausted.

It's weird.

No, it's not that weird.

I mean, you've been out here

working hard for almost 5 days.

No, you haven't even heard

the weird part, dummy.

Ok.

I fell asleep right in

the middle of my kitchen,

And I was standing straight up.

That's weird.

Yeah.

And I didn't wake up until my mom

and dad woke up the next morning

And came down for breakfast

and had snacks.

And they just saw you standing

there, sleeping? Yeah.

So I didn't get a party Friday night,

which was really disappointing,

But I figured, hey, I'll be in

good shape for Saturday night.

So I hit the bars with some buddies

and we had some cocktails.

Right away, I saw two chicks who

would totally have partied with me.

I'd actually... I'd actually

screwed one of them before,

Which was ok, but she had

these fat little legs,

Which I found a bit bizarre.

And whenever we would make love, she

would always flap her arms up and down

Like she was trying to fly.

Maybe she was trying to escape.

No, no, no, no.

Orgasms.

She just gets excited.

[CHUCKLES] Fantastic.

[SIGHS]

And so I'd already decided I

was going to sleep with Peggy.

I mean Maggie.

Mm-Hmm?

Or someone of that quality.

So we go to the bub club,

and then she shows up.

Maggie?

Yeah.

Maggie Johnston...

Looking so foxy, as always...

And I'm sensing that she's

really into me as well.

You know, so we go, we hit the dance

floor, and it's lining up nice

Because... we're both

really good dancers.

And I have to dance twice as hard to

compete with these younger guys, you know?

I mean, I'm not as fresh as I used

to be, now that I'm all fat and old.

Right.

And then it's closing

time, and I ask her

To come home with me, but she

really wants to keep partying.

And there's an after party at her

friend's mom's house, so I'm like, ok,

You know, because I don't really

have a choice if I want to score.

You know.

And then I get this feeling

like it's not gonna happen.

I don't know what it is.

I mean...

I'm not saying that I'm psychic or

anything, but it's just sometimes

I feel like I can...

do you know what I mean?

Intuition.

Yeah. It's just that sometimes

I know what's gonna happen.

Yeah.

So we go to the party,

and we start laughing

And I take her into

this bedroom

And we start making out

and I start fingering her.

[SIGHS] And I can tell

how horny she is for me.

And then, all of a sudden,

she asks me to stop.

You know, she got paranoid or

something, like she heard something.

I get her to promise me that she'll

come home with me after the party.

Well, you know, obviously.

And she says yeah.

You know, she says ok.

So then we leave the bedroom,

And we walk smack into kip.

Your friend kip?

No.

My ex-Friend kip.

Ah. I see.

And even before

I realize who it is,

He's already furious

at seeing us together...

[SIGHS]

And he punches me in the face.

Oh.

[CHUCKLES] He nailed you. Yeah.

So she starts yelling

at him and crying,

Telling him how sorry she is,

And I'm just sitting there,

you know, holding my face.

And then they leave and she's

completely hysterical,

But she leaves with kip

and doesn't say good-Bye.

You know, and he's pissed.

I mean, he's freaking out.

He really shouldn't drink.

Really?

Yeah.

You know?

He's a complete jerk

when he drinks.

So, with them gone,

You know, I figure I'll just see

if I can hook up with the one

With the fat little legs,

but...

you know, she's French-Kissing

on the floor with somebody

That... I don't even know.

Then yesterday was Sunday,

so no parties

And no chance of getting pus

because everyone's at church.

[SIGHS]

Don't worry about it.

You know, there's plenty

of other weekends.

[VOICE CRACKS] Yeah.

Maggie Johnston sounds

a little bit confused.

You shouldn't let these

girls mess with your head.

[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]

Yeah, I know.

I'm pretty optimistic

about next weekend, though.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. [SNIFFLES]

I'm going to this

regional beauty pageant.

It's like miss America,

but... [SNIFFLES]...

Way before miss America, but

that kind of thing, you know.

It's, like, for girls who... might

want to be miss America

And might be

miss America later.

Oh, whoa.

Feeling pretty good

about your chances?

Yeah. I've got, like, an 80% to

90% success rate at these things.

A lot of the women get their hormones

in a tizzy at competitive events and...

when you get a...

well, then, even the losers

are like winners to me.

It's really cool.

Why, somehow, in your

mind, you truly do

Perceive yourself as a

gentleman, don't you?

Huh?

[SPEAKS GERMAN]

[TRUCK CREAKING]

Sure you don't want

any hot fish?

No.

My stomach feels funny.

Think I'm still hung-Over

from the weekend.

Did you take an antacid?

Ahem. Yeah.

Everything ok?

Yeah.

Really don't feel like

being out here right now.

And I don't mean

to be rude, but...

I don't feel

like socializations.

You know what?

Why don't you take

my rod and reel, go out,

See if you can't catch us

a couple of fish?

Naw.

No, do it.

You'll feel better.

I promise, it's good

for the soul.

Nah.

Do it.

You can borrow my rod,

my reel, my net.

You can borrow my waders,

borrow my swim trunks.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Ok.

What's this?

Oh, I forgot.

That's your mail.

You got a letter from Madison.

What?

Yeah, I... I put it

in your bag.

Aren't you gonna take the rod?

No, that's ok.

[RAINFALL]

[DISTANT THUNDER]

Aah! Oh!

[PANTING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING] Alvin?

[SHOUTS] Alvin!

Alvin?

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLANG]

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

Glad to see you're still here.

I've been thinking

about you guys.

Cool.

Good to see you.

Damn truck broke down.

Hallelujah done quit on me.

Bad day.

[MUSIC STOPS] Get out of here.

[GRUNTS]

Here you go.

Oh, thanks.

Well, any idea

How many lines you

painted down there?

Oh. Well, I have no idea.

You covered the whole

asphalt section

Till the gravel begins.

That's 8.2 miles.

And that's an average

Of 4.6 meters

between each line

And about 5 meters

long on each line.

Now, how much that make?

I have no idea.

You mean you don't know?

Well, hold on.

[WATCH BEEPS] How many

miles did you say?

8.2.

Divided by 4.6.

You said there's a

thousand meters in a mile.

Or, no, no. A thousand...

A thousand feet in a meter.

I have 854.888.

That's amazing.

And I calculate 855.

That's amazing!

Drink up!

That is real good.

So, where was that lady going?

What lady?

The lady that got out of

your truck a second ago.

Well, now, look here, buddy,

If there'd have been

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