Private Detective 62

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Good evening, Your Excellency.

Et voil!

Merci, monsieur, have a good evening.

This way, monsieur.

Come in.

Merci.

- Glad to see you.

- Thank you, sir.

I haven't much time so...

- suppose we get busy.

- Right.

We've succeeded in getting

the plans of the floors.

Above and below.

Also the layout of the corridors.

And the adjoining building.

Satisfactory?

I think that covers everything.

You've drawn a tough assignment

this time, old man.

And if you're caught,

you probably will be a...

Sort of a... man without a country.

Well, let us say a man without a job.

Or both.

Silence!

Mr. Lacourt returns to deliver

his verdict...

in the case of the French government

vs. Donald Free.

This Court declares you, Mr. Free,

an undesirable alien,

determines that your passport

be cancelled immediately...

as well as your deportation forthwith...

considering you are now persona non grata.

If you're aboard this ship, you gotta work.

Well, M. Commandant, here he is.

You have enjoyed your trip,

monsieur, yes?

I'm overwhelmed.

It's too bad it must end so soon.

Meaning what?

I have here a wireless from Paris.

I'm instructed before docking at New York...

to transfer you to the steamship Patricia

leaving for Cherbourg today.

You are to be returned to France

for further investigations.

And...

And if you have enjoyed your trip

on this ship, monsieur,

wait till you're aboard the Patricia.

You mean I'm not even going to land?

That is correct, monsieur.

Who says so?

The Republic of France.

I will read you my instructions.

To Captain Honor LeFarge,

steamship San Nochelle.

Before docking port of New York

deliver deported alien Donald Free...

into custody of Captain Paul Duval's

steamship Patricia...

Imbcile, espce de con!

What's the idea...

Hey, you guys down there!

Stop that man!

It must be getting awfully late, dear.

But it won't take us long

to drive back to town.

Why, it can't be more than

half past uh...

Confound it, my watch has stopped.

Never mind, dear.

I'll call the operator.

It's disconnected.

Just one more half hour, please.

We don't run any chances here.

I wish we didn't have to go back.

Ever.

What... what is it?

- I don't know.

- Open the door.

If you don't open by the time

I count three I'll break it in.

One.

Are you going to open up?

Two.

Three.

Well, Mrs. Wright, I've been tailing you

for a long time.

I told your husband that sooner or later

I'd get the goods on you.

Well, we got them at last.

All alone in their nice little love nest.

Who are you?

Dan Hogan, private detective.

And this is my secretary.

And witness

Mrs. Wright's husband has been

a client of mine for some time.

I told him I'd deliver.

And here you are alone at last.

Did you say alone?

Who the...

Who are you?

Well, that's a funny question

after breaking my door down.

Suppose you tell me who you are

before I call the police?

You... your house?

Certainly.

It hasn't suddenly become immoral

for a man to rent a house, has it?

Rent a house?

You mean...

I mean that Mrs. Wright come down here

today to rent this beach house.

This gentleman is my partner.

I just stepped in there to make

a little tea...

when suddenly you break in

Is he kidding?

Of course he's not kidding.

What do you mean kidding?

Why, Mrs. Wright had just handed my partner

$65 for her first month's rent.

But...

Show it to them.

When suddenly you come breaking in.

You see, there it is.

Now she'll probably want

to back out.

And I can't say that I blame her.

It's a wonder you detectives wouldn't

get a little horse sense.

Say, by the way...

How do I know that you are

the detective?

I'm Dan Hogan of the Peerless

Detective Agency.

That doesn't mean a thing.

Anybody can get one of those.

Well here.

There's my license and here's

my business card.

Well, detective or no detective,

that doesn't pay for my door.

I think I'll call the police.

Perhaps you haven't heard that

it's called illegal entry...

when you break into a house

without a warrant.

Uh... hello?

I want the police department.

Hold on, mister, hold on.

You got me wrong.

I didn't know this was your...

Listen, I broke the door, alright.

I'll pay for it, sure I'll pay for it.

It'll cost 25 or 30 dollars

to fix that door.

Yeah, okay, okay.

Uh...

Just cancel that call.

Twenty, twenty five.

Thirty.

Glad to... it was all a mistake...

You know... you've...

That's all right.

Let's say no more about it.

Now, if you don't mind...

- Oh, sure, sure.

- Come on.

I'm very sorry.

You know, one of these days you're gonna

get pinched for impersonating a detective.

Well, who are you?

Shh, I'm a lifesaver.

Have a nice time.

Say, just a minute!

You have my hat and coat.

But I saved your skin

for you, didn't I?

I received your application, Mr. Free.

I'm sorry I can't do anything for you.

As all candidates for the

detective force...

are selected from our regular

uniformed ranks.

I see.

I'm sorry.

We couldn't possibly engage a store

detective without A-number-one records.

Well, you see, I'm just back

from abroad.

You should have stayed there. Over here

practically nobody is working.

The position of secretary

has just been filled.

Thank you.

I paid $50 for it.

I don't care if you paid 100.

Five dollars, take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

- Ouch!

- Ouch yourself.

- Did I hurt you?

- You certainly didn't do me any good.

I'm terribly sorry.

- Ah, Mr. Hogan?

- No, uh...

Uh, yes. That is...

I'm Mr. Hogan's partner.

Is there something I can do for you?

Why, yes...

Well, suppose you tell me

about t.

Won't you sit down?

You see, I've never had the occasion to use

the services of a private detective before.

Oh, of course not.

My, er... partner is very busy.

Working on a case.

- Well now.

- Well...

Well, certain stories have come

to my ears concerning my wife.

Up to a short time ago we were

very, very happy and then...

Well, perhaps you'd better

see for yourself.

What the hoots...

So what's the idea?

Who are you?

You ask me?

And you call yourself a detective?

I'm your new partner.

My partner?

Say, your face is familiar.

It ought to be.

It's been around a lot.

What are you doing in my office?

Office, I thought this was your bedroom.

I just told you, I'm your new partner.

Aw, now, I ain't got enough business

to share with a house fly.

When I get through here you'll have so

much business you'll have to incorporate.

Money! Believe it or not,

it is money!

Say, it's so long since I've seen

any money...

I forget whether you eat it

or eat with it.

Until you and I have a little understanding

you don't do anything with it.

Now get this.

You've got a license to be

a private detective, haven't you?

- Uh-huh.

- But you haven't any clients.

Well, I have a client but I haven't

any license.

- Well?

- Well...

Am I your partner or do I take

my business elsewhere?

You really got a client, huh?

Look.

Okay, we go in together.

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