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a short while back we counted

every hair on his head.

The reason being is that we're

marketing a Steven Shorter wig

and we'd like to guarantee that

the placing of every hair is identical.

And we'd like to guarantee that

the placing of every hair is identical.

Another point of interest is that

when we cut Steve's hair

we do not sell this.

I must make a point of this.

We do not sell the cut hair.

We donate this to charity.

On August 20th the combined churches

of Britain and

Steven Shorter Enterprises Limited

hold a press conference.

All right, fellas, could we have

your attention, please?

Could we have the proper

decorum please?

Gentlemen of the press can we pull

on the cigars?

Drink plenty of the champagne:

it's from the Vatican Vineyards.

Ladies and gentlemen, you all know

about the great event

Ladies and gentlemen, you all know

about the great event

that's about to take place next week

in the National Stadium.

Freddie, would you come here

for a second please?

Now this is the poster

that will be displayed

in prominent places

throughout the country.

Do you notice something a little

different about Steve's position?

You do.

Right. Well, we'll talk about that

and we'll tell you more about that

a little later on.

By the way, at the bottom sits

a picture of the Reverend Jeremy Tate

By the way, at the bottom sits

a picture of the Reverend Jeremy Tate

who'll be introduced to you

a little later on as well.

You'll notice that the price of the

tickets range from 10 shillings to 25

for those of us who are

a little more fortunate.

At this time, ladies and gentlemen,

I would like to introduce

your friend, my friend

and certainly God's friend...

your friend, my friend

and certainly God's friend...

a honey of a chap and a million laughs,

let's welcome the Bishop of Essex.

I feel sure after such an introduction

that Heaven must be round the corner.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is

my pleasant duty to introduce

the brightest star

in our clerical firmanent

who will join with Steven Shorter

in our great drive for God.

I give you...

the Reverend Jeremy Tate!

Is there anything you'd like to tell

us about the Reverend Jeremy Tate?

Yes, he's 35, lives alone and

loves a good day of fishing.

In holy waters naturally!

But hasn't the Reverend Jeremy Tate

got any views himself?

The Church's views and those

of the Reverend Jeremy Tate

will be found in the

official pamphlet pages 3 and 4.

My Lord, isn't the Church

using Mr Shorter

for the purpose of gaining converts?

At one time the Church used the methods

of the Inquisition to gain converts.

We find Mr Shorter a little

less painful. Don't we, Jeremy?

I thought I was the only one

with the answers.

Steve, would you like to come up here

for a moment, please?

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

as you can see

this is the first time you have ever seen

Steven Shorter wearing the colour red.

Now let me make this clear.

Red is the colour that is associated

with the release of Steven Shorter

which will be seen by the public

next week at the National Stadium.

But naturally, for you fine

gentlemen of the press

we are now holding a sort of

pre-release of this release...

sort of giving him

a slight temporary freedom.

Nowhere we have the keys

to Steven's freedom.

Steve...

There's one...

There we go... There's two.

Steve, would you hold the hands up?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Steven Shorter is released.

What would you say if I...

if I said I wanted to. ..

I wanted to... stop all this?

Well I'd say it was unfortunate

More for us than for you.

You see, I believe you play a very

important part in society, Steven.

How can I explain it to you?

I...

Come with me.

There are millions of people

down there.

Millions of little people.

First we must be quite clear

in our minds about one thing:

that the liberal idea that,

given enough education

these millions will grow into

self-aware creative human beings

is nothing but an exploded myth.

It can never happen.

They're stunted little creatures

with primitive emotions that are,

in themselves, dangerous.

They've got to be harnessed, guided.

We've seen it happen over and

over again for an evil purpose.

Germany, Russia, China...

But now we've got a chance

to make it work for their own good.

You... You're our chance, Steven.

They identify with you.

They love you.

Steven, you can lead them

into a better way of life...

a fruitful conformity.

Steven, may I say how delighted

we all are to have you with us today?

And I'm sure everybody

will join me in...

wishing you every success

for tomorrow night.

I think I'd... prefer

hot chocolate instead.

You'd prefer what, Steven?

I'd like some hot chocolate instead.

You'd like some too, wouldn't you?

Well...

OK, yes.

You'll join us, Andrew?

Yes, why not?

- And everybody else too?

- Yes, everybody else too.

Hot chocolate for everyone

please, William.

- Hot chocolate, sir?

- Yes, hot chocolate.

I prefer the wine...

if you don't mind.

Oh, Martin, come.

You haven't tasted my chocolate.

It has the most exquisite bouquet.

Thank you,William.

Martin, can't you see that

what Steven did was a protest?

Don't be absurd, Andrew. He had

nothing whatever to protest about.

He was just being extremely tiresome.

It isn't as simple as that.

I'm getting sick and tired of people

telling me how to do my own job.

You won't have a job to do unless you

stop treating him like a machine.

Now look, let's get one thing-

He's a sensitive boy

and not unintelligent.

In 2 1/2 years I have brought

that boy up from nothing to what he is.

And during practically every

single day of that 2 1/2 years

I have watched and moulded Steven.

And I think I'm going to know better

than anybody else

if that boy is psychologically disturbed

or just being plain bloody-minded.

Today he was just being

plain bloody-minded.

What he did today he did

out of desperation.

- Desperation!

- Yes, desperation.

Why don't any of them do anything?

Why don't they stop me?

Any of them! Just one!

Butler or somebody!

They just take it, don't they?

They just d rink the stuff!

Why doesn't Butler stop me?

He probably thinks you had a reason

I thought you had a reason.

Oh God! Reason!

I don't need a reason!

None of them's got the guts to say

"Get stuffed, Steve" once and for all!

They don't need a reason.

They just take it and love it.

We'll drink your marvellous hot chocolate

with our lobster and love it!

Marvellous!

- None of them says no.

- Some of them didn't want to do it.

All right so some of them

didn't want to do it.

But every single one of them did it.

Not one refused.

You didn't even stand up

and refuse to do it.

You're just the same as everyone!

What about you?

You never say no, do you?

I've never heard you say no to anyone.

Not Alvin, Butler, Crossley, anyone.

I know nobody ever says no any more.

I know that!

But who do you think made this happen?

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