Prodigals Page #5

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Come on, Nina, I'm not

saying it's not a good thing.

It's just, I don't get it.

It's pretty

straightforward, actually.

The video was edited.

Right?

It was uploaded

anonymously which means

we don't have anybody to

attest to its integrity.

We don't know if there's

anything that happens next

or if something was taken out.

So legally, it can't

be used against Benny.

Well, that's great, I guess.

Yeah, that is great

because up until now

everything has been

blatantly against Benny.

This kind of evens things

up, it's only fair.

Exactly.

Hit the lights.

Who's ready to blow

out the candles?

Happy birthday to you

[Nips] Okay, okay,

that's enough about that.

Can we just play cards?

I don't wanna talk about this...

How have you never

heard this story before?

[Nina] I don't know.

How have I never

heard this story?

Well, you were off

playing at godknowswhere.

There's no time for

us with all that

'Oreo cream cookie' in

the Junior-A locker room.

Eh, bud?

That is a myth.

Okay, swear on

Kyla's life you've

never jerked off on a cookie.

I'm not gonna swear

on her life, okay?

That's my daughter.

What, why would you do that?

That's gross!

Were we not

talking about Nips?

[Nips] The story's not

that interesting, guys.

Dude, it's the best

and it explains so much.

Wesley, you tell it

impeccably, please.

Oh, great.

Spin us a yarn.

No, come on.

Alright, fine, fine.

But only because it's

an amazing story.

I apologize Nips, but I've

been silent long enough.

Alright, so it goes like this.

We're in Eliot Lake and

we're visiting whatshername.

What's her name?

What was her name?

Marina Vojtek.

The girl with the,

yeah, Marina Vojtek.

We're visiting Marina

Vojtek and it's a rager.

There's keg stands,

there's guys stripping

to the "Full Monty" soundtrack,

everybody's doing shrooms.

Nips decides it's a

good idea to go for

a little wandering, so

he goes up the stairs

and down the hall

he hears splashing.

So he makes it to

the end of the hall

and he puts his ear against

the door and there is giggling.

So what does our hero do?

He gently pushes the door open,

looks around the corner

and there she is,

Marina Vojtek, with her

very well-endowed friend.

- What's her name?

- Oh!

Missy.

(spitting and laughing)

Oh, Missy.

Yeah, Missy, of course.

Yeah, well, you know, Missy.

Marina and Missy

sitting in the bathtub

and they are splashing and they

are petting and they are

rinsing and they say...

What do they say,

what's the line?

(sighs) We could

use some help in here.

Could you get us some soap?

(all laughing)

And what does our boy do?

No.

[Greg] Yes.

No.

He tosses the

soap and he leaves!

[Nina] Why?

How, why?

[Greg] Wait, wait,

wait, wait for it.

I didn't know

which one to face.

- Best!

- Oh my, God!

What is that?

You've been saying

that for years.

- What does that mean?

- I didn't want

to hurt anyone's feelings!

Someone needs to

take his dick away!

Are you kidding me?

If I sit in the middle,

I've gotta choose one,

it's awkward,

somebody gets my back.

What, no gentlemen

points at all?

No, I'm sorry, Nips, no.

Geez.

(door opens)

[Jen] Hello.

[Nina] Hey!

- Love you.

- Hey.

Sorry I'm late, study group

went way longer than expected.

Did I miss the birthday girl?

Yeah, my mom just

put her to bed.

This is for her.

[Nina] Thank you.

[Jen] What'd I miss?

Nips was telling us why

he can't bathe with you.

You should have just

picked one of them.

(all laughing)

You know that story?

[Jen] Doesn't everybody?

Okay, so there's

leftovers in the fridge.

Make yourself a plate

and then you can

partner up with Wes

and join the tourney.

Uh, I don't know.

Come on, Jen.

Come on, it's grownups only

and Eliot has the

day off tomorrow.

(sighs) Okay.

Well, yeah, but you

guys can't be partners.

Uh, uh, I refuse.

Come on, man.

What?

You cheat, you have codes, no!

[Jen] I'll just

play with Michael.

Ah, ah, no, no,

no, no, no couples.

Besides, Eliot

and I are on a roll.

Oh.

Guess that leaves

you and me, kid.

Let's school these b*tches.

Did you just say, let's

school these b*tches?

[Wesley] Yes, I said it.

You know what?

Not everything I say lands,

sometimes you just

gotta go with it.

[Nips] Morris out.

[Eliot] Morris out.

[Greg] Pass.

(laughs)

[Jen] Pass.

[Nina] Pass.

Yo, it's to you, Wes.

Let's go!

(yells)

That's what I'm talking

about, table talk!

[Jen] No, I

didn't say anything!

You made a little heart

shape with your arms.

No, she didn't, I didn't see.

No, no, no, no,

give it a break, Wes.

This game is officially

under protest.

It's alright, fine, go.

[Greg] Okay, spades alone.

You're so predictable.

Euchre!

(all laughing)

Goodness, I have

all f***ing red.

What did you have?

F*** you guys!

[Nips] Oh, nice game, bro.

[Jen] Greg!

[Wesley] Next!

- Thank you.

- Oh, come on!

That was pretty sweet.

[Greg] Yeah, take your uh...

[Jen] Good game, Greg.

(all chattering)

("Skipping Stones"

by Good for Grapes)

But I've made enough of

my old mistakes on my own

And I'll make enough of my

own mistakes when I'm old

But I've made enough of

my old mistakes on my own

And I'll make enough of my

own mistakes when I'm old

(all chattering)

(laughing)

All the girls I've known in

my life have told me the same

My heart is gone,

I'm a useless name

Oh, yeah, Wes, could

you do me a favor?

It's not for this case.

What's going on?

It's a library trip.

I need these items pulled.

You know how to use

a microfiche machine?

Microfiche, those still exist?

Yeah, strange but true.

Unless you have

other plans tonight.

No?

Fantastic!

Hey.

Hi.

You almost look

like a real student.

F*** off.

(laughs)

Can I?

Unless you're on a roll

or something I can...

No, sure, sit.

Yeah?

What's this?

Business classes?

Yeah.

Business management.

Whoo, fancy.

Are you gonna make a sarcastic

comment every time

I answer a question?

No, I'm sorry, I'm

actually interested.

Anyhow, it's a

pretty innovative

course through Sault College.

Eight months, but it'll take

me twice that with my schedule.

Wow.

Yeah.

I've been putting money away

and I'm, I'm looking to buy in.

Buy into?

Fratesi's?

[Jen] Yeah.

So you're really

putting roots down here?

I already run the place.

Better than doing all the work

and being someone's employee.

I remember you used

to want to travel.

I'm not settling.

I didn't say that.

Your tone.

There's no tone.

I'm not giving you tone.

You, I...

You used to want to

build houses and travel.

That's all, I don't know,

that's all I'm saying.

Things change.

Yeah, they do.

I've actually been going through

my own transitional time.

I've been having sort of a,

a hard go of it in Toronto.

For a while now, actually I

can't stand that place anymore.

But you're doing so well.

Well, not as

well as you think.

The faux-modesty

it's so played out.

(laughs)

I'm not downplaying anything.

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