Professor Marston & the Wonder Women

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1

Burn them! Burn them! Burn them!

Ms. Frank, I'd like to remind you

that I came here voluntarily.

No, you came here

because your superiors will fire you...

...unless I tell them to do otherwise.

As you know, we are reviewing

your handling of Wonder Woman...

- ...given the current controversy.

- You're gonna give her to someone else?

She's a smash success

because of me. I created her.

Dr. Marston,

Wonder Woman has drawn criticism...

...for being full of

depictions of bondage...

...spanking, torture, homosexuality,

and other sex perversions.

Would you say that's a fair assessment

of your work?

I can see how people with a fairly limited

understanding of my work...

...could arrive

at these simplistic descriptions.

They'd be wrong, of course.

Would you care to explain yourself?

Are you normal?

What is normal?

Psychology is a young science

at Harvard...

...and here at our sister school,

Radcliffe, with you fine young ladies...

...we have only just now broken away

from the philosophy department...

...into our very own

distinct field of study.

Emotion's what we will be

studying this semester...

...specifically as it relates to deception.

I've invented a model of human emotion...

...which will guide us

through our investigation.

DISC theory.

I will be testing my theory on you.

I make a vow to you all

to discover the truth of who we are.

And I look forward to undertaking

this adventure with you all.

And students who wish to volunteer

to help assist me...

...and my notable associate and wife,

Mrs. Elizabeth Marston, please...

...add your names

to the sign-up sheet, thank you.

Dean is insisting

we give him receipts again.

I don't know

why he doesn't go work in a bank.

The cocksuckers denied me again.

I'm smarter, more rigorous...

...more accomplished than any

of the so-called "men" in this department.

They will issue you a degree

from Radcliffe.

That degree is a load of horseshit.

You know it.

It is not. It is taught by the same

professors, it has the same standards.

Precisely. If it is the same work...

...then why can I not receive

a PhD from Harvard?

- Because I have a vagina?

- Elizabeth.

Where did you hide the liquor?

We will make a great discovery.

We will make a great discovery...

...and then they will be forced

to acknowledge us.

You are very brilliant.

I know.

Smarter than me.

I know that too.

Dear, we... We can't f***

in the laboratory like animals.

Why not?

I'm going to resubmit my application.

I'm taking it all the way

to the board of trustees this time.

I'd appreciate it if you stop drooling.

She signed up to assist us.

Her application was first-rate.

Look at the boys and girls circling.

He's gonna do it.

Her beauty gives her

an advantage over the other girls.

No, you can't be serious. Her beauty?

- Beauty is an albatross.

- Ha.

No, she's at war right now. See?

Watch how she averts her eyes.

If she makes eye contact

with that boy for too long...

...he will misunderstand

and think she's interested in him...

...and then when she invariably rejects

his advances...

...he'll think that she's a slut.

Meanwhile, the blond girl next to her

fancies the same boy.

Oh, the blond girl hates our girl

with a passion...

...so fierce she can barely sit there.

But they both have to...

...sit there, and smile, and pretend...

...because that's the life they've chosen.

And what have you chosen?

I've chosen you.

I want to study her.

She'll break your heart...

...leave you eviscerated in a pile

of your own expended semen and bile.

- Oh, please, dear, the hyperbole.

- Ha-ha. It wouldn't be her fault either.

She'll just be surviving,

like an animal in the jungle.

They're given fur and claws

and teeth to survive.

- Well, then, do it.

- You won't be jealous?

No, I don't experience sexual jealousy.

Who am I to fight nature?

I'm your wife, not your jailer.

It's a lie detector.

Or it would be,

if we could get it to work.

Right now it's just a pile of crap.

I'm Olive Byrne,

the new teacher's assistant.

Yes.

- Why doesn't it work?

- Uh...

Can't determine what exactly to measure.

We need a physiological unit of analysis.

Should I call you

Professor Marston as well?

Mm. Possibly, if Harvard would give me

a f***ing PhD.

- Sorry?

- Your duties are to assist...

...me and my husband

with our research.

We keep our papers

in the filing cabinet along the wall.

Please familiarize yourself

with our current research notes.

- Do you have any questions?

- I have many, but I'm sure I'll manage.

Oh, and if you f*** my husband,

I'll kill you.

- Excuse me?

- Heh.

Look, I feel sorry for you.

No, really, I... I do, it's not your fault.

It's, um, your beauty, it's like a...

Well, it's like a handicap.

It's like having three legs or something.

- Mrs. Marston, I...

- No, there's no need to be defensive.

I'm just asking you the courtesy

of please not f***ing my husband.

Can you do that for me?

Yes.

Thank you.

Now, if you wouldn't mind,

Professor Marston and I like...

- ...to have coffee in the afternoon.

- Of course.

--gracious lady...

...the fairest of all the virgins

who live on Mount Olympus.

This is for you, dear lady...

...Diana the huntress, Diana the pure.

I've plotted this garden for you,

gracious goddess...

...a meadow where no shepherd

brings flocks to graze...

Sorry to interrupt. I'm Olive Byrne,

the new teacher's assistant.

Yes, hello.

Uh, Mrs. Marston said

you liked coffee in the afternoon.

Oh, good. You met my wife.

- Yes.

- Please, sit.

- Oh, no, I really should get back to...

- No, no, no, please. Sit.

Well, I'm very glad you could join us.

Are you all right?

Yes.

So tell me a little about yourself.

Uh, I'm afraid there's

not much to tell, really.

You're engaged.

Yes.

So, what makes you interested

in the field of psychology?

Uh, I don't know, I...

The girls, my sorority sisters...

...they, uh, said your lectures

were interesting, and it...

- What?

- Fit in my schedule.

I find the human mind fascinating. I...

I'm sorry.

I don't think this was the best idea.

- What is?

- I don't know why...

...she would say such awful things.

Excuse me.

But you said you had

no sexual jealousy.

But I do have professional jealousy,

and the work that we're doing right now...

...well, it's critical,

I can't have you panting after some coed.

- Before, you said it was all right.

- I changed my mind.

If you desperately want

to understand the mind of a woman...

- ...you can start with that.

- You made the poor girl cry, Elizabeth.

When I asked you not to f***

my husband...

...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you.

- I've done nothing.

- No, I know, you're right.

I just don't know why women and men...

That's why I wanted

to work for you both...

...because I thought

you could tell me why.

I never do anything,

and yet, nobody sees me or hears me.

It's just all noise and hostility and lies.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

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