Prozac Nation

Back, back, back.

How f***ing far back do you go?

My mom and dad were

divorced before I was 2.

And from then on, my father

was almost uninvolved in my life...

...and my mother, much too involved.

She wanted to make up

for all her mistakes through me.

One night, there was something

in my pants, like, blood.

My mom said, "Oh, hell, your period.

This is where all the trouble starts. "

She was right.

Now Mom and Dad

really had something to fight over.

Me.

Then one day, my dad disappeared.

No number, no letters, just gone.

I wrote to Seventeen magazine.

A long letter about us.

They wanted to publish it

as an article but kept asking:

"Your dad going away?

Does he come back?

Does it have a happy ending?"

In reality, it didn't,

but I thought, "What the hell?

I'll give them what they want. "

This is it.

Time to go.

Mom, please...

No way are we gonna be late.

We have hours.

Honey, honey, you've got

registration at 4.

Come on, now.

Oh, Lizzie, you wanna take your rug.

- Mom!

- What? Come on.

This is the most important day

of your life.

I thought that's

when you got married.

No, honey, that's

the worst day of your life.

Yeah, she is so excited.

Oh, Mom, she looks beautiful.

Pity, I was aiming for psychotic.

Well, yeah.

Grandma's so excited she's crying.

It's a journalism scholarship, Mom.

Journalism, yeah.

She wants to be a writer.

The first few days,

that's when everyone makes friends.

I know.

- It gets harder later.

- Mom, I think I'm old enough.

Don't get upset.

I'm not getting upset.

Why are you saying that I'm upset?

I'm just trying to help. You know that.

You know how proud

I am of you, Lizzie.

You have so much potential.

Are you listening to me?

Lizzie?

Lizzie. Lizzie, what are you doing?

Come on, let's get this stuff

down to the car.

I don't have to go to Harvard

to become a writer.

Lizzie, what are you talking about?

At Harvard, you'll meet people.

You'll get contacts.

You'll get people to help you.

I know what I'm talking about, Lizzie.

I had my whole life ahead of me.

You don't want to go to Harvard?

Well, you just...

...wait until you have no choices left...

...where you've got nothing.

No one. No one

who cares about you.

- Then you see how you feel.

- Mom, I didn't say I wasn't going.

Dr. Isaacs warned me.

Mom, I said, I'm going.

He told me you'd isolate...

...stay in your room all day.

- I'm not isolating.

Okay, I'm not gonna isolate.

I want things to be different.

Fine.

That's all you need, then.

That's what I've been talking about.

You'll see, Lizzie.

It'll be a whole other world up there.

Young, God, I was so young.

You be careful. When I think of it,

just a year older than you...

...and I was already a housewife.

God, I was so bored

I bought a monkey...

...just to have someone to talk to.

But then you came along.

Oh, my God.

Lizzie, Lizzie, it's so...

Harvard.

But you're on the fifth floor.

I know.

Well, how are we

gonna manage, huh?

I can do it, okay, Mom?

Don't worry about it.

- No, no, no.

- Hi.

May I be of assistance?

Could you? Oh, that's too kind.

My pleasure.

Ever since she

was in second grade...

...she was always writing.

The man has "good catch"

written all over his forehead.

Any minute now she'

gonna ask me to confirm it.

Lizzie.

I've always helped my

mother pick up boyfriends.

The only one I never got a say in

was the one that mattered.

My dad.

Now, that's quality. That's a father.

Could you imagine your father?

We'd still be in Manhattan.

I told him you've already

had things published.

Don't you think you should be getting

the car back? It's getting kind of late.

Yeah.

Don't forget to eat.

- Bye, sweetheart.

- Bye, Mom.

Ever since I was a little kid, my mom

and I always hung out together.

I didn't fit in with most kids in school.

They thought I was strange,

so they made me feel like a stranger.

And my mother took advantage of it

from an early age.

Throwing me into plays,

spelling bees, studying...

...writing, museums, concerts

and even more writing.

She convinced me this would

lead to the Holy Grail.

Harvard. A place where I would

finally be surrounded by people...

...I had something in common with.

I'm not gonna ask for much.

They don't have

to be a Springsteen fan.

Nice meeting you guys.

- Hi.

- Hi.

You're Elizabeth, right?

Yeah, I thought that I recognized you

from the face book.

I read that article that you wrote

about your parents' divorce.

- That was brilliant.

- Thank you.

- I'm Ruby.

- Hi.

- We're gonna be roommates.

- Oh, cool.

Seriously, you don't have any idea

what that article meant to me.

You telling the grisly truth about

your parents, exposing all their lies.

And then meeting with your father,

reconciling with him.

So inspiring.

Do you smoke?

You know, I've never smoked

in the daytime before.

Well, we're at Harvard now.

We can do whatever we want to.

Cool.

We'll be like these

beautiful, literary freaks.

And brilliant and dark, sexy.

Trouble is, I'm deadly serious.

Boys never used to notice me before.

I wasn't even on their list

of alternatives.

Ruby gets it. She gets me.

If she were a guy,

everything would be perfect.

When Lou Reed was 17 years old,

he was diagnosed...

...as suffering from mood swings.

He was subjected to electric-shock

treatment three times a week.

Each treatment hit him

as a blinding white light...

...and therein lies his genius.

To embrace

his own psychic carnage...

...and create some of the greatest

rock 'n' roll the world has ever heard.

I feel his cold embrace...

...his sly caress.

Lying in my room for days on end.

Everything cold, dark, silvery.

I'm scared he'll take me back to

the depths of my own twisted desire...

...to a place I'm too afraid to go to

because maybe I'll never escape.

I'll bet you got thousands at home.

Cigarette packs,

with tiny, little writing on them.

Your life story?

Diary? No?

Come on, this is killing me.

It's an assignment.

You're the most conscientious

student at Harvard.

It's a music review.

I'm trying to start a music

column for The Crimson.

That's great.

You wanna do some X?

You've never done X.

Acid goes to your head, right?

X goes to your heart.

Hey.

You okay?

What are you doing in here?

Oh, no.

Do you wanna go back inside?

There's a guy out there.

I think he's looking for you.

His voice comes to me

under the covers.

"Come here, baby. " He' inside

of me, where no one else has been...

...in my dark and secret place.

I let him take me there...

...but then my fear returns.

I want him to stop.

How do you think it feels?

And when do you think it stops?

I don't want him in control.

I want him to be gone.

I want him not to exist.

I mean, let' face it.

"Lou Reed should be dead. "

It's great.

You gonna sleep with me tonight?

Don't say I didn't warn you.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It means don't say I didn't warn you.

Great.

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