Psych: The Movie

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Come, they told me

Pa-rum pum pum pum

Our newborn King to see

Pa-rum pum pum pum

Our finest gifts to bring

Pa-rum pum pum pum

- Buying or selling?

- Browsing.

Window shopping, if I'm

being completely honest.

I just started my Christmas

shopping today, okay?

Every year, I tell myself,

start in July,

do a little bit each month...

you'll be so happy when

the Yuletide rolls in.

And I know what

you're thinking:

tell us something about

the person you're shopping for.

Do they have hobbies,

interests,

fetishes...

allergies.

Well, here's the thing.

I am not entirely sure

I want the gift

to be stolen per se.

No offense.

See what I did there,

half-crackin'?

I said "fence"

'cause you're

the premiere fence

on the West Coast.

El Proveedor.

Provedor?

May I call you...

Glenn?

Who the hell wears a beard

over a beard?

- Who wears a beard-beard?

Overachievers.

That's who, Jack.

Hook-beak!

Double hook-beak.

Finger.

- Hey, whoa, no.

Easy, easy.

Down, down. Put it down.

Everyone. You. Put it down.

Merry Christmas, I don't

want to fight tonight

Merry Christmas, I

don't want to fight tonight

With you

Where is Santa

at his sleigh?

Tell me, why is it

always this way?

Where is Rudolph?

Where is Blitzen?

Baby, Merry Christmas

Merry, merry,

merry Christmas

All the children

are tucked in their beds

Sugar-plum fairies

dancing in their heads

I love you

and you love me

- Oh, come on, let's go.

The way

it's got to be

I loved you

from the start

'Cause Christmas

ain't the time

For breaking each other's

hearts

Where is Santa

at his sleigh?

Tell me, why is it

always this way?

Where is Rudolph?

Where is Blitzen?

Baby, Merry Christmas

Merry, merry,

merry Christmas

All the children are

tucked in their beds

Sugar-plum fairies

dancing in their heads

Snowball fighting,

it's so exciting, baby

- Yeah, yeah, yeah

I love you,

and you love me

And that's the way

it's got to be

I loved you

from the start

'Cause Christmas ain't

the time for breaking

Each other's hearts

Merry Christmas,

I don't want to fight

Tonight with you

Damn it.

Guys. Gentlemen.

Upon further review,

this is not my sack.

My sack is... much smaller.

So if you see my sack,

would you do me a favor

and, uh...

The problem for me is

Neil deGrasse Tyson

gets as much wrong

as he gets right.

I mean, I just don't appreciate

being talked down to,

especially about astrophysics.

Hawking is in the ballpark.

He gets it half right.

He knows that.

Do we have a security person?

I'm gonna have to see

some ID...

Ugh!

I don't remember

giving you permission

to borrow my Hagrid costume,

Shawn.

- Gus, eyes forward.

These guys are armed.

Taking cases

without me again?

I have to take on cases

without you; you have a job.

I gave the San Francisco

detective thing a chance.

Eleven days, Gus.

We were here for eleven days

before you got

a full-time gig.

Look, how many times

do we have to do this?

I need security.

Security!

- Hey, man. Is that sourdough?

You know damn well

it's sourdough.

Why don't you, uh, pass

half that sweet sandy

under the table?

You must be out

of your damn mind.

Well, then will you

at least do me a solid

and go pull the fire alarm?

- If I pull the fire alarm,

people will evacuate

the whole building.

Yes, Gus.

That's what I'm counting on.

- Okay.

- Excuse me, sir.

You guys looking for a

transient with half a beard?

He pushed his way up

to our elevator

and broke my secret Santa gift.

Would you mind taking your

business outside?

- He's in the elevator?

Probably in the lobby

by now.

Let's go.

- Burton?

Can we have a word

in my office?

- Man...

- In between the lines

There's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined to resign

to maturity

If it's all right

Then you're all wrong

But why bounce around

to the same damn song

You'd rather run when

you can't crawl

I know, you know

That I'm not

telling the truth

I know, you know

They just don't have

any proof

Embrace the deception

Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions

Tend to psych you out

ih the end

- It's Christmastime again

That magical time of year

You do not want to know how

far I had to go to get this.

- No.

- And to add insult to injury,

they'd never even heard

of almond milk.

- What?!

- Any of the nut milks.

- Ugh.

- I know.

- What'd I miss?

- We got eight.

Hey, that's a solid

day of work.

- Yeah. Let's just pack it in.

- Soft pass?

Or nine.

I got one more.

Copy.

Just don't go alone.

- She went alone.

Somebody cover her back.

Kidding.

I'm on it.

- Dude, you literally made

every obvious move

you could make.

I say this with disappointment,

because I was actually hoping

to get in some cardio today.

I'm so sorry, Juliet.

- What the hell are you doing?

I can explain.

Please let me go.

- Go.

- He got away?

- Yep.

- So he was just...

transporting the goods from

the caf to the alley here.

- I guess so.

- That's what it looks like.

- Yeah.

- I'm absolutely dazzled

by what you've done

with the place, Sammy.

Problem is, you were not

supposed to be home yet,

but I'm nothing if not

an improviser.

- Billy?

- Now let's be honest.

I've never really looked

like a Billy.

Call me the Duke.

The Duke?

Is this, uh,

"Extreme Makeover:

Criminal Edition"?

Looks good on you, though.

Yeah.

Um, in all fairness, though,

there is something

you should know.

My partner's adamant

about home security.

- If we're going to do this,

then there's a fun fact you

should know about me, mate.

I no longer work alone.

- Billy...

Come on, there's no need

to escalate this.

We can talk this through.

You know I hate negotiation,

Samuel.

- O'Hara?

- Hi.

Um, I have a difficult,

private matter

I need to talk to you about

outside of the office.

Okay, sure.

Come on in.

- Thanks.

Uh, just let me get Richard

off to the airport.

- Um... your husband's here?

Well, yeah, why wouldn't

he be in our house?

Oh, well, it's just in all

of the time I've known you,

I've never actually...

seen him.

- Really?

Oh, that's not right.

- Mm-hmm, yeah.

- Just give me five minutes,

and we'll ride in together.

- Please don't tell her.

- What choice do I have?

You put me in

this position.

What the hell are

you doing, Iris?

There are these girls.

They're awful.

But they offered me a chance

to be a part of them.

And I just had

to prove myself...

- You have to tell your mom.

You know they want to make

her the police commissioner.

This will ruin everything.

Okay. Here is what

you are going to do.

You are going to call me

every single day.

You are never to hang out

with those girls again,

and should you find yourself

being bullied,

you are going to text me

where you are,

and I will rain hell

on the guilty party.

Pinky swear?

- Oh, look at you two.

Best friends.

Slightly jealous.

Here.

You ready?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.

- Chief...

you know that thing I was

gonna talk to you about?

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