Psycho Brother In-Law

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1

- But why do I have to leave?

- I promised my brother

we'd go fishing.

You know how it is.

- Yeah, I'm starting

to get the hint.

- Come on, Eric!

Ditch the girl and let's go!

- Sorry, little brother.

- Any time, Eric!

- My lady?

You're amazing.

But, sadly, I must go.

Hey...

- You better call me later.

- I knew it!

- Whoa, whoa!

Who are you?

- Her boyfriend!

- Boyfriend?

- You're dead!

[ girl screams ]

- Mike, please stop!

Mike! Stop!

You're gonna kill him!

Mike, stop!

Help! Somebody help!

- Hey!

- Well, who's the little dude?

- David, get outta here!

- Get away from my brother!

- Okay, tough guy.

Just don't hurt me.

This ain't over!

You're still dead.

- David, no!

Stop! Stop!

No! No!

What did you do?

David, what did you do, man?

- Hey, I'm making

a grocery list.

What sounds better?

Salmon or Tri-tip?

- Yes, yep.

No, I'll get

that over to you ASAP.

I'm on my way.

Coming in early,

leaving late... again.

Okay.

Don't worry about me, babe.

Just get whatever you want.

- You could always take it

for lunch tomorrow.

- Yes. No.

We'll discuss that in

the meeting as well.

Okay, see you soon.

It's gonna be a

late one, babe.

- Okay.

I can always just work

on my memoir.

"Life of a Tech Widow".

- The price of success, huh?

I'm sorry.

It's just I got

a lot on my mind

with this meeting

with the bank.

- Shh!

Hey, breathe.

You've got this.

[ sighs ]

- Look, I promise it's not gonna

be like this forever.

- I know.

And I want to promise

you something.

If you make me go through

all this loneliness and struggle

and then dump me

and our daughter

for some 19-year-old model

the second you get rich,

you will find us on an

episode of "My Crazy Ex".

[ laughs ]

[ phone rings ]

- Oh.

Hon, I gotta go.

- We still on for

date night tomorrow?

Or am I spending another

evening alone

with Channing Tatum

and his thong?

- I will be there come

thong or high water.

- Hey, speaking

of high water...

- Oh, yes!

The washer.

- Yeah.

- I'm on it.

Sorry, I'm running late.

Hopefully, that daughter

of ours is ready to roll.

- If it's too much,

I can drive her.

- No, it's my

one contribution.

- Bye, Mr. CEO.

- Bye, Mrs. Tatum.

Laura?

We got to go!

[ dialing phone ]

[ phone rings ]

- You've reached Eric Campbell.

I'm not available

at the moment.

Please leave a message.

- Hey, don't forget

to ask Floyd about

that repairman

he recommended.

We've got to get

this washer fixed.

It's starting to smell

pretty ripe down here.

[ phone beeping ]

Anyway, good luck today.

And I'll...

I'll figure it out. Bye.

Hey, Liz.

- Ready for wine?

- It's like 10:
00

in the morning.

- It's 10:
30 a.m. somewhere.

- That is not how

time zones work.

- Anyway, I called

to let you know

we're short on volunteers

for the fundraiser

and the Creole

food vendor is out.

- What?

- Yeah.

And this mathletes coach

is being very agro

about the whole thing.

- I'm on my way.

- So, wine later?

- God, I hope so.

[ school bell rings ]

- Hey!

'Sup, nerd?

- The sky, dork.

Thought I told you to stop

sneaking up on me like that.

- I like to watch

you bend over.

Or I can bend over and

help you grab the books

that I made you drop.

#NotAllBoyfriends.

Also, I think

I saw your mom here?

- Perhaps for PTA stuff.

- Ah, still trying to get you

into that math competition.

- Why? Are you jealous

'cause my mom loves me?

[ scoffs ]

- No.

It's just every afternoon,

you're playing

with those numbers when

you could be playing with me.

That's all I get?

- Sorry.

I'm gonna be late for class.

- No, you're not.

[ bell rings ]

- See you later!

- We are really

close on volunteers.

We just need

about three more.

And to replace the food vendor

for the one that dropped out.

Liz, I want you

to call Rosalind.

She's a caterer

I've worked with before.

She's great and she should

be available last minute.

- I'm on it.

- As for the rest of us,

let's all vow to bring in

at least two people each?

That should cover us.

Good?

Thanks, everyone.

Let's have

an amazing fundraiser.

[ applause ]

Thank you.

Post them up all over

and everywhere, okay?

- Yes.

What?

I thought you wanted vino?

- Liz, purse wine is for movie

theaters and public beaches.

Not school parking lots.

You have a problem.

- Being responsible

is the worst.

Ooh, did Eric talk

to his people at Vapor?

- He says he feels weird asking

for money from his employees.

Says it would be untoward.

I don't know.

- How are you guys doing?

- Same.

- Yikes.

- He works a lot.

And by a lot, I mean,

that's literally all he does.

- It must be hard on you.

- I'm alone a lot.

He wakes up before me

in the morning

and sometimes he comes home

after I go to sleep.

Feels like we're living

two different lives

just in the same house.

- Hmm.

- But he's doing this for us.

It's a good thing.

- He got any attractive

female coworkers?

- What do you mean?

- Come on.

He's working late,

ignoring you.

I mean, I'm assuming you're

not tearing up the sheets.

- No. That's... no.

Eric's not like that.

- I mean, I didn't think

Ash was like that either.

Now the twins spend every

other week with Ash...

and Becky.

Look, you're the one

holding this relationship

together right now.

And that's okay.

Just make sure

Eric's meeting you halfway.

Because you can try and

try to save this relationship

all by yourself.

But one day you're gonna

wake up and realize

you don't want it anymore.

- Hey, sweetie.

- Hey, Liz.

- Hi, honey.

- I'm starving.

[ laughs ]

- Let's go home, kiddo.

Okay, Liz.

See you.

- You two take care.

And, Kay, keep your eyes open.

[ phew ]

- How was your day?

- Pretty good.

I solved a ridicka-crazy

equation in class today.

My teacher was

pretty impressed.

- "Ridicka-crazy"?

- That's right.

[ woman screams on TV.

Kay gasps ]

[ doorbell rings ]

- Oh, my God.

David!

- Yes, ma'am.

- How long has it been?

- I don't know.

So long, you almost

didn't recognize me.

I'm sorry to drop in

so late.

I just got

into town this minute

and I didn't have your number.

It must have changed.

- No, no, no.

Come in, come in.

- Okay.

[ kettle whistling ]

Thank you.

- Thanks, sweetie.

It's perfect.

I love that shot.

- Yeah?

- So you were saying that's

the year you moved up to Alaska?

- Yeah, yeah.

It was right around

that time, I think.

You know, I still can't get

over how grownup you look.

[ chuckles ]

- Not so grownup.

- She's very mature for her age.

Very responsible.

- Probably more responsible

than I was at that age.

- Tell us the story about a time

you and Eric got into trouble.

- Oh, no, no, no.

He would not want me to do that.

Um...

Yeah, I started doing

the whole crab fishing thing,

and making good money.

And then

it's the off-season now.

So I figured why not go down,

visit Eric, see his family.

It's been a long time.

- Crab fishing?

I hear that's pretty dangerous.

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