Pushing Dead Page #2

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work everything out.

- Hey, Bob, will you

do me a personal favor

and stay with me please?

- Okay.

For one night.

And then I'll set up camp

here in the morning.

- All right,

you've got yourself a deal.

(clears throat)

- Oh, that's a good idea.

It's not like that's a

depressant or anything.

- Ahh.

- We have a capacity

crowd here at Club Dot

for Poetry Slam Thursday.

I am your host,

Dan Shauble.

and before I bring up

our first contestant

I have one question:

Do we actually have

any contestants?

How 'bout a,

a simple show of hands?

Is anyone here to slam?

Okay!

Apparently it's just me.

(clears throat)

[MUSIC]

When we met,

my breath was thick.

When you smiled,

one thousand children laughed.

And when you told me

that you loved me,

that's when life made sense.

When you rolled

yourself up

into that thing that you called

the human sphere.

When hawk wings

sprouted from your hunched

reptilian back.

When your body grew to

five times its normal size.

When you swallowed my ten

dollars in change and sang to me

in that indistinguishable

tongue of yours.

[PERCUSSION]

When you forced my legs

into your giant mouth,

clamped down,

with your rock-like teeth

onto my waist and twirled around

in circles, I admit

I was concerned.

But I never

ever stopped loving you.

(claps)

I win!

[BELL DINGS]

- [Paula] What are

you gonna get?

- [Dan] I'm not hungry.

- Oh, I know.

I know.

[sighs]

- I had a dream about

Kevin last night.

- It's so weird, I spend more

time with him now than I...

did when he was alive.

- What was the dream about?

- We just sat up all

night talking.

(chuckles)

It was so good.

I...

felt like it went on

for hours and hours

and it seemed so real

but at the same time, I was,

I was very aware

that it was a dream.

And that,

that made it

that made it nice because

I was able to tell him,

you know,

how much I miss him.

Because, oh my God,

I miss you brother

so much.

- Oh flip. (sniffs)

[MUSIC]

- But...

one of his hands, uh,

was a lobster claw.

- (laughs)

- And it spewed

a strange lobster ooze.

- (laughs) Shut up.

- [Dan] But in the

dream it was fine.

He touched my face

with his oozy lobster claw and

wiped it all over my pants

- and I was fine with it.

- (Paula laughs)

I wonder what it means.

- (laughs)

- [Waitress] Do you

know what you want?

- Yes. I would like

a grilled Swiss on rye,

an order of fries, and

a hot tea.

- And you?

- I'll just have coffee please.

- Nothing else?

- Uh...

I will...

the golden brown waffle.

- I'll be back with your drinks.

- (chuckles)

- God damn it, why did I just--

I just ordered a waffle, Paula.

I don't want a waffle.

[WATCH BEEPING]

I'm so

terrible under pressure.

Something's wrong with

my insurance.

I couldn't get my drugs today.

- What's wrong with

your insurance?

now I get to go down there

and try to figure out

what the problem is.

I hate that place.

It's so depressing.

- Maybe you should go

to a support group.

- Because...

I just said the

word "depressing"?

- It's just that I am the

only one you talk with

about this.

- Oh I see.

I see, I see where we are.

I'm a burden.

I'm a burden for you.

- I just think it,

it might be healthy

to open up about this

a little more.

- I got it. Open up.

Sure.

Well, thank you.

I appreciate this gesture.

- I don't mind talking

about it with you.

- But I'm fine.

- Come on, let's talk about it.

- No.

- Come on.

- I don't want to talk about it.

Or anything else with

you ever again.

- Would you cut it out?

- (mumbles)

- (sighs)

- (mumbles)

- Fine.

- What are you reading?

- Thank you.

[SPOON TAPPING

ON PLATE]

What are you doing?

- Well I don't have

a fork, do I?

So, this is fine.

- I'm getting you a fork, uh.

- Paula, stop it. Shh, stop.

Would you please stop?

The woman hates me.

That's clear.

I don't need a fork.

I don't, I don't even,

I don't even want this.

(sighs)

Oh Jesus,

could this coffee

be any weaker?

- Maybe some people

like it that way.

[DOOR CHIMES]

[MUSIC]

[DOOR CHIMES]

[HEARTBEAT]

(gasps, coughs)

- You okay?

[MUSIC]

That was a really

sharp shooting pain.

- Can I help?

- You know what? I gotta go.

I gotta go anyway.

I forgot about Bob.

and I told him that I would

meet him there,

and you know what,

it's fine.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,

it's probably just gas.

Or something.

(sighs)

- This...?

- Um, Bob might stay

with us tonight.

- What? Why?

I'm sorry for running

out on you like this.

And I'm sorry for

being a sh*t head.

- I did, and I feel amazing.

Watch, watch this!

[DOOR CHIMES]

Ugh fu--

Ah...

Ah f***.

Ah f***, f***, f***, f***.

(sighs)

[MUSIC]

[80's MUSIC]

This is awful,

how do you watch this sh*t?

- Uh, huh, oh...

- What?

- (sighs)

- You got any smokes?

- Yeah, you know me, man.

I've got, I've got

all the smokes.

What k--, what kind do you want?

- How many kinds do you have?

- I have zero kinds, Bob,

(laughs)

but I'll go get you some,

is what I'm saying.

- Ah, don't worry about it.

- I'm going to get you some.

Because I want you to

die happily.

- Okay, okay.

Why does it have to be dying?

Okay, camels. Okay, unfiltered.

Yeah.

You know, nobody said

anything about dying.

- Do you want anything else?

- No, don't bother,

that's all right.

- I'll see you in a minute.

- This is the worst

date I've ever had.

- [Bob] Ooh, you tell him, baby.

- [Man on TV] Well why don't you

have a little more fried dough?

- Can we watch something else?

- Mm-mm. This is the real deal.

These aren't actors.

- This is real life.

- Hey Karen.

Karen.

Karen. Karen.

Karen. Karen. Karen.

Karen.

Karen.

- This is depressing.

- Yeah, that's right.

- [Karen] I'm glad you

make yourself laugh.

- Just pedal and be quiet.

- You're an ass.

- [Bob] Mm-hm.

Tell him how you feel.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

- Oh.

Good morning, Moonshine.

- Good morning.

- That's disgusting.

You're an animal.

- Mm-hm.

- (sighs) I know what

you're gonna say.

But you don't have to go.

You can stay here as

long as you want.

- Ah, no.

I'll stay at the club until I

figure out what I'm gonna do.

- Did you call Dot?

- Dot, your wife.

Your wife, Dot.

Did you call her?

- To tell her that you love her

and that you want to come home.

- (sighs) Thanks for letting

me spend the night.

-All right.

-Okay.

- Anytime.

- (grunts)

Okay.

I, um...

I'll see you later at the club.

- Please be careful going

down those stairs.

- [Bob] All right.

Thanks, Dan.

- [Dan] All right.

[BEEP]

[VENDING MACHINE

WHIRRING]

[LIQUOR POURING]

[KNOCKING]

- [Man] Come on in.

- Hi.

- Ah, sit down.

Mrs. Doris is no longer with us.

- I'll be you new case worker.

My name is Gregory.

- Hello, Gregory.

- You have a social

security card,

driver's license

or California ID

and a current bank statement.

- It's all there.

- Excellent, thank you.

So, I think what's

happened here, Daniel,

is that you were bumped

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