Quartet

Thank you, ladies.

Octavia's usual spot.

- Is that OK for you?

- Yes.

Brindisi

# Oh, ooohhhhhhhh! #

# La-la-la-la-la,

la-la-la-la-lah, lah... #

# Godiamo, la tazza,

la tazza e il cantico

# La notte abbella e il riso... #

#... in questo, in questo paradiso

# Ne scopra il nuovo di

# Ah! Ah! Ne scopra il di

# Ah! Ah! Ne scopra il di

# Ahhhh

# Ne scopra il di, ne scopra il nuovo

# Diiii! #

# Siiii! #

Nowhere near where you should be, Bobby.

Give me the score, will you?

Wilf, the gala's only a month away.

I couldn't work out

what you were doing.

Can we take it from the top, please?

# Ah, si, godiamo, godiamo, godiamo

# La tazza e il cantico... #

Bobby, you're going

too fast for me.

- I'm sorry, Cedric.

- It's 'Cee-dric'.

Oh, Cee-dric. Could you give me

the intro again, please?

# Ah, si, godiamo... #

You did it again! I'm on fire here

and you're holding me back!

Be quiet!

You find this amusing. I don't!

It won't be amusing

if they shut this place down.

# Ah, si, godiamo, godiamo, godiamo,

la tazza e il cantico... #

Thank you, Nigel. You are so kind

to do that. Thank you. Now stop, please.

- # Godiamo... #

- The man said thank you. That's it.

- Is there no end to your bloody talent?

- Cissy! Please... pay... attention.

- Ready.

- You must listen.

Never bother with him, Cissy.

He's a bully.

Now, Lottie, in bars 17, 18 and 19,

you were deeply flat.

No, I don't think I was.

I think the piano needs tuning.

Anne, darling,

would you mind singing it for us?

I don't do chorus, Cedric. I never have.

I achieved immediate

international success at the Royal Opera

when I was only 21 years old.

Cedric, we should have been

using this room five minutes ago.

Oh, yeah.

The space is entirely yours, gentlemen.

The rehearsals are over. Come on, Bobby.

Come on. Hurry up.

# Ahhh, la-la

# Dee-dee-dee, dee-dee-dee

# Da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da,

da-da, dee-dee-dee

# Dee-dee

# Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

# Ah-ah-ahhhh

# Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-ohhhh

# Ohhhh. #

Beautiful.

You're making a fool of my part.

Reggie, it's empty.

You can't save seats, Reg.

He's not coming.

- Wilf, he's not coming.

- Why now?

You seem to think

that you own the thing.

We've been sitting at this table

since I first came here.

- That's precisely the point.

- It's not fair, Reggie.

We want the window

sometimes, don't we?

Yes. If this place has to shut down

in six months, which it very well might,

then I want to try and remember

I once had a f***ing window seat.

Excuse me, please.

You can't deny it, Wilf,

you soloists would be lost without us.

Say that once more, and I swear

I'll ram a fork up yourjacksy, Harry.

- He's right, Wilf.

- Anybody got a fork?

- And you know he is.

- Make that two forks.

Ah, merci, Angelique. Have you

done something new to your hair?

- No, I just put my fringe in front.

- Oh, I love your fringe in front.

I give you extra slice

of fried bread this morning.

- I noticed.

- And your favourite - apricot jam.

Oh. Magnifique, Angelique.

Fancy vous a little rumpy-pumpy

ce soir?

Qu'est-ce que c'est,

'rumpy-pumpy'?

Oh, secrets of the marriage bed,

you'll have to answer my proposal

at once.

Bon apptit.

- Cissy, Cissy!

- Ready.

- Remember the emergency meeting, 12:15.

- Cedric. Cedric.

- Breakfast time.

- This is critical.

All members of the gala committee,

please note,

we have a serious problem

with our star tenor, Frank White.

As such, there's an emergency meeting

at 12 noon - precisely.

Reggie, don't forget to remind me.

I'll set my watch.

Hey, what's this? Look.

- Didn't you say today was the day, Reg?

- What's today?

Tadek setting off

to fetch the new arrival.

- There's to be a new arrival?

- Cissy, we've talked about it for days.

- You too.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Who is it?

- They'd only send the van for a star.

- Mm-hm.

When I came,

I had to pay for me own taxi.

They sent a private car

with a chauffeur for me.

This is a replacement

for Leonard Timms.

He was a real dear friend of mine.

I'm really gonna miss him terribly.

He was a genius, you know.

He could fart at will.

Yeah, Wilf, we're having breakfast.

- I'm not kidding.

- But don't let that stop you.

I swear it's true.

I saw it with my own eyes.

He got down on all fours

and went into a meditative state.

And when he was ready, he could exhale

and inhale through his anal canal.

- I suppose that's the stroke talking.

- I suppose it must be.

Hey, Cissy, do you think I could replace

Nobby for a quick one in the long grass?

You have the nicest tits

I've ever seen in my life.

Thank you.

Reg, you've got to try this jam.

It is unbelievable.

It's like eating Christmas.

Be careful with that one.

It's fragile.

I come back for the trunk. And for you.

I... I... I apologise.

Please be kind.

We were different people then.

Be kind. Be kind.

I can't do this. I can't. Stop. Stop.

- You say to me something?

- What did you say?

- Why are we stopping?

- We are not.

- We're on the way.

- Right.

- Should I call Dr Cogan?

- No. No, thank you.

These hydrangeas are beautiful.

Do you like them, Marta?

Yes, I do, but I would never

put on my table.

Well, well, well, this is new.

I've never seen you

arranging flowers before, Dr Cogan.

Really, Wilf? Haven't you noticed we've

cut down on staff in the past months?

And is this for the new arrival? Is it?

Or is that a secret?

Is it, Marta?

Is that a new skirt you're wearing,

Dr Cogan?

It clings beautifully to you.

And how it accentuates

your already beautiful legs.

My goodness.

What do you think of that, Marta?

I don't talk such things.

You're overstepping the line, Wilf.

Go for your walk.

I would love to,

if only you would come with me.

Go for your walk.

May I?

I wonder if you could help me. I can

never do this without my glasses.

I can't see a thing.

You don't have a buttonhole, Wilf.

Well, there you go.

You know, I could propose to you, but

this is as close to kneeling as I get.

Go for your walk.

Sure. Would you like to join me, Marta?

I don't do such things.

He's a very naughty boy, Marta.

He could be your father

or your grandfather.

Like that. OK?

Swing it close to the ground.

That's it. That's it. Like a pendulum.

Just like this.

When you're finished

being a croquet expert, Nigel,

I have a pound says

I'll kick your arse.

Ah, the way you play,

you probably will.

You forget.

I saw your Barber Of Seville,

and your singing

brought tears to my ears.

Saw you in Carmen,

I'll never forget it, but I'll try.

- Morning, Nobby.

- Ah, morning, Mr Bond.

- Simon, what's up?

- All good, mate.

Oh, by the way, Nobby,

if you get a chance,

I could use another one of the usual.

- Do you need any money?

- No, it's alright.

Look, I've got some change from last

time. I'll stick it in the usual place.

Oh, and watch it, Cissy Robson's

been looking for you all morning.

Can't think why. I'm the

most attractive man in the place.

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