Quartet Page #2

La donna mobile

I read somewhere that the average man

thinks of sex every seven seconds.

Do you?

I wish it was only every

seven seconds.

Do you know,

the first time I set eyes on her,

I thought she was

the most beautiful, sexiest creature

I'd ever clapped my eyes on.

Oh.

Oh, Cissy, Cissy, my love,

can you imagine the passionate love

we might have made?

But it's not too late.

We can still dive beneath the blankets

and cuddle till the end of time.

- What do you say to that, sweetie?

- Ready.

Why are you laughing?

You'll never guess what I've been

listening to. Our Rigoletto.

We are so lovely...

- Uh, Cissy, the gala committee.

- Oh...

This was the last time we sang it.

Remember, Reggie?

- Why have they reissued it?

- I don't know.

I remember the recording session,

the production, everything,

like it was yesterday,

and yet I can't remember

what I had for breakfast this morning.

- Apricot jam.

- 'Rigoletto - Horton and Paget'.

My name isn't there, of course.

I should've been top of the bill,

I had the name part.

Still, I made a living from it,

which was all I really wanted.

I'm not like you, you see, Reggie,

you're an artist, I'm an artisan.

Where's my bag?

I can't find my bag. Where is it?

Oh. Thank you, Reggie.

And you're safe back from Karachi,

and I'm so glad.

Oh...

Why Karachi?

Well, her father was Indian army.

- Do you think she's getting

worse, Reg? - Yes.

# I'm born famous,

I'm sorta known

# If your son doesn't...

# If your...

# Son doesn't, I bet your... #

# I bet your daughter knows. #

Boom, boom, chh!

Reg, you might as well get

used to it, rap's here to stay.

Oh, I don't think it is.

That's what you said

about The Beatles.

- Well, it isn't music.

- They think it is.

- Who?

- The kids you're talking to.

# That's what we mean

# When we say that a thing

# Is welcome as flowers

that bloom in the spring

# Tra, la-la-la-la-la,

tra, la-la-la-la-la

# The flowers that

bloom in the spring

# Tra, la-la-la-la,

tra, la-la-la-la

# Tra, la-la-la, la-la. #

That's better. That was good.

Now this is a bloody

disaster! Really!

Come in, Cissy.

- Oh, what?

- Cissy.

- You're late.

- Sorry. I said I was sorry.

Sit down.

Frank White has just pulled out.

He doesn't feel up to the gala.

It's even in the local paper.

- He's not well.

- Darling, Frank White!

Oh, he's such a lovely man.

This is a disaster.

Because he's pulled out, ticket sales

have already fallen by 60%.

The givers aren't giving.

If we can't make the gala

into the hottest ticket in town,

this house could collapse

about our ears.

Oh! We could lose it!

We have to find a replacement

for Frank immediately.

Who was it who said,

'Old age is not for sissies'?

I always remember that, you know,

because it's my name... and 'sissies'.

Cissy, if you must speak,

please raise your hand.

Now, where was I?

'This is a disaster. '

Of course. Yes, it is a disaster.

Yes? What?

- She's raising her hand.

- What?

Bette Davis. Bette Davis. She said,

she said, 'Old age is not for sissies'.

- Silenzio!

- # Tra, la-la-la-la

- # Tra, la-la-la-la... #

- Silenzio!

Shut it! You will choose

a different song immediately.

I'll have no 'tra-la-la' at my gala!

None of it!

What about Reggie? La Donna e Mobile.

I just had a brilliant idea,

to ask Reggie if he'll sing

La Donna e Mobile.

Oh, yeah, what?

Reggie's a bit funny about

La Donna e Mobile.

Your job is to ask him.

Please put your hand/arm down.

- He won't do it.

- That was my idea.

Yes, it was.

Look.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my.

- Excuse me, love.

- Oh.

Here.

Most of our residents

are on the floor upstairs.

This is Sir Thomas Beecham.

He was one of Britain's

greatest conductors.

Yes. I know who he was.

He inherited a fortune.

His grandfather made laxatives.

Naming a nursing home

after him is frighteningly apt.

Um... these flowers are here

to welcome you.

I'll have them sent up to your room.

We're very lucky to

have you here.

Your room is as large

as Anne Langley's.

Oh, God, is she here?

It's a beautiful suite

in what we call the B Wing.

Well, it sounds like a prison.

The service lift

is currently being repaired,

but we have the chairlift,

which will be much easier.

Chairlift? What do I do

when I get to the top, ski down?

Brava!

Brava! Brava!

Brava! Brava!

Oh.

- Brava!

- Oh, how very kind.

Oh...

Brava!

Yeah, we could always do the Barber,

you, Cissy and me.

For the gala.

- Oh. You moved your ball.

- That's unthinkable! How dare you!

I just saw you move it.

With your foot.

Uh, Wilf, uh, she's married.

She gave me a look.

- Your shot.

- Thank you, Wilf.

You're never gonna get it from there,

anyway.

Oh, you watch me.

Told you.

I always wanted to sing Wagner - Tristan.

Never came my way.

Wilf, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

- Wagner!

- There are people watching.

The British should stick

to British composers

like Rossini, Donizetti, Verdi.

Boys! Boys! Boys!

I know who it is.

I saw her. I saw her!

George was right, it is a star.

But you'll never, never guess who it is.

- Never.

- Well, tell us.

Don't keep us in suspense

for eternity.

No, you won't believe it.

As large as life

and twice as terrifying...

Um... Oh, it's gone. Um... uh...

Think, Cissy. Think.

- Soprano, beginning with G.

- Mary Garden.

- No, no, no, no.

- Rita Gorr?

- Galli-Curci.

- No! No! Oh, God!

Gilda.

- Gilda?

- Our Gilda.

- Rigoletto?

- Yes.

- Jean Horton?

- Yes.

Jean Horton. Yes.

Oh, my darling.

Steady, Reg.

Excuse me, Dr Cogan.

That's why you've kept it such a secret.

You didn't want me to know.

- You mean Jean Horton?

- I should have been consulted.

She was such a huge star...

I should have been consulted.

Well, she didn't want

media attention...

She didn't want? Nothing changes!

What about what I didn't want?!

- It had nothing to do with you, Reggie.

- Obviously not!

- I mean, it was simply at her request.

- She did know that I live here?

She did know that I live here?

Reggie, I'm sure

she's gonna be amicable...

With great respect, Dr Cogan,

you don't know her.

You don't know her.

I wanted a dignified senility.

Fat chance now she's here.

I'll have to find

somewhere else to live.

Sod it.

Don't you have one of your

talks tomorrow, Reggie?

- What? - Your talk,

with the children tomorrow.

Oh, God.

Uh... Excuse me.

# Ahhhh... #

Why don't they have tenors

like Jon Vickers anymore?

They just don't exist.

And Freni

was such a wonderful Desdemona.

Oh, I loved singing that role.

It was so easy for me.

Poor thing.

She's having such a hard time.

- Cissy, canasta! You've won!

- I win! I win!

- You cheated.

- Nonsense.

- How dare you.

- Any of you seen...?

Who is that smoking?

- George and Harry.

- Nobody, nothing.

I don't know how many times I have

told you, smoking kills. Put those out.

- What?

- Drop them on the floor, please.

- Thank you.

- Oh, for goodness sake.

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