Quinceanera

Good afternoon.

First of all...

...I'd like to welcome you

to the celebration...

...of this marvelous day

in a beautiful young girl's life.

The Quinceaera of Eileen Garcia.

On this day she turns 15.

Today...

...she becomes a woman.

Magdalena.

We're gonna take another picture.

Before the picture. Hold it.

- Herman, look over here.

- Come on, fool, right here.

Look right here.

Okay, smile now.

No!

Don't tell my mom.

Eileen looks really beautiful.

- So does Magdalena.

- We have a lot to be proud of.

Magdalena's Quinceaera

is coming up soon. When is it? July?

No. In June.

Get ready to pay through the nose.

You know, Walter,

Magdalena's won't be like that.

She's different.

She's a more traditional girl

than Eileen.

All right, Ernesto. If you say so.

- Your hair looks funny like that.

- That's a nice comment.

Just trying to make conversation.

Don't bother.

- So did you go with Jessica?

- No.

- Not what I heard.

- I don't care about her.

Didn't you get the text I sent you?

Yeah. I deleted it.

Girls, do you have a chopping block

for the onions?

There aren't any more.

Maria, I was thinking

that I could madrina the dress...

...for Magdalena's Quinceaera.

Really? She'll be so happy.

I could alter Eileen's to fit her.

Thank you, sister,

you're always so good.

Silvia, I haven't seen Carlos yet.

He's not coming.

He's not coming

to his own sister's Quinceaera?

Aunt Silvia,

Uncle Walter wants you.

Don't talk to me about that boy.

One, two, three.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...thank you for coming

to Eileen's Quinceaera.

Now it's time to dance and groove!

Look at the muscles on this one.

If only I was 20 years younger!

Forty years!

You got the urge?

Yeah! Look! Look!

Is To Tomas ready?

- Here.

- Thank you, Mama.

Thank you, mijo.

Thank you, Junior.

Why is To Tomas eating worms?

It's not worms. It's fat from the meat.

What's up, Magdalena?

U R STILL IN MY HEAR From: Herman

Carlos, what are you doing here?

Happy Birthday, hermanita.

I got that for you.

You better get out of here.

- What are you doing here?

- Nothing.

You're trying to embarrass me.

- I told you not to be here.

- None of your business.

You're not my son anymore!

I don't want you here.

F*** you! It's my sister's birthday,

you a**hole.

Get out! You disgust me.

Get out of here.

- F*** you!

- No, Daddy, no.

- You better get off me, man!

- Carlos!

I'm going!

Don't do it, Carlos.

Don't ruin your sister's special day.

I don't want to hit you again.

Carlos, go home.

I'll see you at home.

Let's go. Let's get back. Come on.

Everybody, thank you for coming

to this Quinceaera.

It's a special day for a Quinceaera.

Thank you, everybody,

for showing love.

- Oh, my God, that was crazy.

- I know.

He hit him so hard.

First of all, a family party

and that happens.

I was kind of embarrassed.

That's my cousin. Come on.

It's her big day, her Quinceaera.

Did you see her at the end?

Her face?

She'd been crying and her mascara

was smeared everywhere.

- Carlos is so stupid to do that.

- He shouldn't have been there.

Exactly. It's her Quinceaera.

- Oh, my God.

- What is it?

- Look.

- Who is it?

It's Herman.

Look at you. You're going all red.

Shut up.

They kicked him out

of the house, why?

He didn't say.

Neither would Silvia. I asked her.

Here he is.

Oh, my God. Carlos, look at you.

You're going to spoil your looks.

- Let me clean you up.

- I'm cool, Ta.

- Come on, it's late.

- Let me take care of him.

Candy, let's go.

Bye, To.

You will live.

Come in.

I'm glad you're still awake.

I hardly got to see you all day.

You have fun?

It was a beautiful Quinceaera.

Oh, well, except for the end.

But Eileen's dress was beautiful,

wasn't it?

Yeah, it was beautiful.

Aunt Silvia said she would alter it

for your Quinceaera.

- That's nice.

- What do you mean "nice"?

It was a wonderful dress.

I know, Mom, but...

I wanted a new dress

for my Quinceaera.

Well, your father

is not Uncle Walter.

He doesn't have money

to throw around.

Can I get a Hummer limo?

What?

If we save money with the dress,

can I get a Hummer limo?

The same one that Eileen had.

Where do you get these ideas?

Please.

Just talk to Dad

about it for me, please.

Promise me.

Thanks, Mama.

Hello.

I got the rent check.

Thanks so much.

Champurrado!

Here you are, honey.

Put your money there, will you?

To Tomas, when will you give me

the recipe for the champurrados?

When you get as old as me, honey.

- Here you are, beautiful.

- Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

I so need to go spring shopping.

- It's starting to get hot.

- I need new skirts and stuff.

I really want to go to the beach.

We'll get bathing suits!

With cute little sandals to match

those cute little purses.

And cute little tops.

We need sandals, skirts, tops...

Remember the purple top

that Sandra had on?

- I saw that.

- She thought she was all bling-bling.

I saw that shirt on sale

at Target for 9.99.

- I swear to God. No lie.

- What else?

Let's take the bus there and see.

- Yeah, sure.

- Yeah, all right. Let me call my mom.

Actually, I gotta get going.

See you ladies later.

- Bye.

- Bye, girl.

- Hey, Mom. I'm fine.

- I really need makeup.

Me and some girls are going

to take the bus to Glendale...

...and go shopping.

Yeah, sure, I'll be home

in plenty of time.

If you could time travel to any period

in time, where would you go?

I'd go way, way back.

Probably to Jesus' time or something.

- Really?

- Yeah.

People have so many different

versions of the Bible.

I'd like to go back

and see what really happened.

You know what that says?

- Herman loves Jessica.

- It says Magdalena.

What time would you go to?

Nineteenth-century France.

All those painters and sh*t.

I want to hang out with Van Gogh,

tell him he's gonna be a big hit.

- You're so weird.

- I know.

You know before, what happened...

I never meant to disrespect you.

You didn't.

No?

So it was okay, what we did?

It was okay.

Cool.

So why did you get so mad at me?

You were after stupid Jessica.

I wasn't.

That's just you being crazy.

- Yeah?

- She likes me.

But I can't stand her. I swear.

Try and catch me.

Herman.

- Your titties are so big.

- Shut up.

They are.

Nearly as big as Jessica's.

Shut up!

- I missed you.

- Good.

- Did you miss me?

- No.

You're so beautiful.

- I like you so much.

- Herman.

I do.

- Feel that.

- No.

Come on.

I love you.

This thing's not gonna work.

That's the only one we have.

Sorry I'm late, To.

They thought

you weren't coming today.

Oh, no. Come here, buddy.

I'll get the leashes.

Okay.

- Don't I get a hello?

- Hello.

Gee, thanks. What's up with you?

Nothing.

Eileen told me

some things about you.

- What things?

- Just things.

And don't let them sh*t

on the Hernandez's lawn.

All right. Come on, boys.

This time take them for more

than five minutes.

Yes, To Tomas.

Yeah, we're landlords now.

It's two units.

There's ours and then this place

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