R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned

---

1

(HORSE NEIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

I know you ain't done yet.

You say you're all used up,

but I know you still

got some gold left in ya.

(HORSE WHINNIES)

(GRUNTS)

(RUMBLING)

(YELPS)

(RUMBLING STOPS)

(YELLS)

What in far nation...

(GRUNTS, YELLS)

(WIND BLOWS)

(BELLS TOLLING)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

MAN:
Howdy, Sheriff.

(MIMICKING GUNSHOTS)

Uh-oh! You got me.

Morning.

CHARLOTTE:
Daddy!

Look at you, sweetheart!

All bright and shiny,

like a living doll.

Give us a twirl.

Whoo!

Is this the wedding dress?

Can I have a sneak peek?

Don't be a cheat, Daddy.

You'll get a full preview

on our big day.

ANGUS:
Very soon now.

Can you at least try

and make an effort?

Angus, I see you made

the return trip as well.

A wedding generally

is between a woman

and a man, Sheriff Pulsipher.

Yes it is,

and I can't wait

to meet that young man.

Okay, Daddy.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Listen to me.

In five days,

Angus will be

a part of this family

whether you like it or not.

What I'd like to see

is he's man enough

to take over the reins

in protecting you.

I mean, is he any good

with a barking iron?

I want a husband, Daddy.

Not a bodyguard.

You've taught me

how to take

good enough care of myself.

He's taught me how to dissect

the words of Dostoyevsky

and he's introduced me

to Dickens and Poe...

You're not even married yet,

and you're already

meeting with lawyers?

Daddy, stop it.

Angus is a good soul who does

make me feel safe and secure,

but most of all, happy.

You're just afraid

you won't be the number one

man in my life anymore.

You got him well-trained,

Charlotte, that's for sure.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I'm right here.

(GUNSHOTS)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Inside.

ZEKE:
Go get 'em, boys!

Round them up!

ROY:
It's the Samuels.

(GRUNTING)

Hurry it up, ladies.

I ain't got all day.

Anybody other than me

comes through those doors,

you shoot 'em.

ZEKE:
Move it, move it!

Move it!

Daddy? Angus.

How happy does

he really make you?

Daddy, go!

(GUNFIRE CONTINUES)

You can come out now.

Go, go!

Move it!

MAN:
Come on, let's go.

Keep moving!

SLIM:
First time

I made it on a poster.

Hey! I'm handsome!

(LAUGHS)

(GUNSHOT)

Hands up!

Come here.

Stay down. Go!

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS, BODY THUDS)

(GUNSHOT)

(GUNSHOT)

(RETCHES, VOMITS)

(SPITS)

Don't mind.

Happens to everyone.

It's a crazy ride

getting here.

See?

(VOMITS)

I just saw the most...

HANO:
Beautiful,

bright light you ever did see?

That'd be Heaven.

Heading towards it

is a good sign

for your future.

But you haven't

made it there yet.

Hold on!

Hold your damn horses.

Did you say Heaven?

I've read your file, Roy.

I know everything about you

and none of it says

you're hard of hearing.

I'm dead?

Mmm-hmm.

Charlotte? What about

my daughter, Charlotte?

Uh, hmm... Negative.

She's dead.

She's dead. (SOBS)

No, no. Negative is positive.

Negative means "not dead."

Negative means "not dead"?

That is very confusing.

Change that.

But good.

She's got her wedding

at the end of the week.

It's in two days, actually.

ROY:
Come again?

You've been dead

for three days.

It takes a while

for upstairs

to ratify judgement

and send a soul

to where it belongs.

You got sent to us.

Welcome to the RIPD.

The "RIP..." what?

Stands for "department."

The "RIP" is your standard

"Rest in Peace."

I'm the captain

of the West American

division.

Name's Hano.

See, we generally

only get soldiers,

warriors and sheriffs

who dearly depart

shuffled in here to us.

At least the ones

deemed worthy enough

to serve on God's own police

force in the ongoing fight

against the deados.

The what-os?

The deados.

Souls that escape

their judgment

and hang around Earth

like the bad smell they are.

Our job is to find them

and send them to where

their ticket got punched.

Hmm?

Hell, Roy.

We send them to Hell.

Heaven and Hell?

Whoo!

(HANO CHUCKLES)

ROY:
So these souls

that escape their

judgement in Hell

are what you call "deados."

Not yet. A soul,

by its very definition,

is a spectral energy.

Disembodied, it's ineffectual.

To sow the havoc a rogue soul

desires it needs a body.

Wait. A human body?

Exactly.

And once it takes one over,

possesses it, if you will,

then it becomes a problem.

Our problem.

It becomes a deado.

The more deados on Earth,

the more unbalanced

the natural order,

threatening all human life.

I think you're really

gonna like this.

Whoo-wee.

It's quite an impressive candy

store you got here.

(HANO CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

ROY:
Oh, hello.

Ain't you purdy.

That's a very nice choice.

Oh... No, no, no.

I can't be unfaithful.

When it comes

to what I wear on my hip,

I'm a one-gun man.

Nothing comes between me

and my Susie.

That's my gun.

I call her Susie.

I call her useless.

Especially against deados.

It'll stun them for a moment

or two, kind of like

a nasty snake bite.

This, however,

more than does the job.

With a head shot,

these bullets can exterminate

a deado's soul.

And your own,

should the barrel

end up being pointed

in your direction.

Whoa. Good to know.

What's with the,

uh, hungry snake?

The Uroboros

signifies life,

death and rebirth.

Deados may look

like real humans,

but after possession,

that symbol is branded

on their torso.

This is a reminder

to all officers

of the constant threat

we're up against.

Right. Cut to the chase.

Why am I here?

Roy, do you remember

that total eclipse

about a month ago?

Well, there was an abnormal

rupture at a gateway

near Red Creek,

an old mining town in Utah.

"Abnormal,"

because it registered

with us as a kind of

hellish discharge.

I know an old quack

back at home

who has a remedy

for "hellish discharges,"

if you know what I mean.

Duly noted, but not

what we're looking for.

You, however,

know that terrain

better than most.

You sign up,

we'll get you back

to Earth right away

to check it all out.

Now, that's a carrot

worth the dangle.

If I get to go back to Earth,

sign me up and count me in!

I know what's going on

in that noggin of yours, Roy.

Everyone in your position

thinks the same thing.

But revenge for your murder

is not the mission.

Getting to Red Creek is.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

You're a dead man.

Nothing we can do

can change that.

Now, before you read and sign,

you should know

the standard service term...

I already said I'm in.

Let's seal the deal.

(SPITS)

Oh.

Send me back.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(SPITS)

(GROANS)

(SIZZLING)

You branded me

like a damn steer.

Moo.

Now giddy up, cowboy.

It's time to move.

(THUDS)

Oh! Watch the bread box.

Sorry. People got taller

over time.

We'd like to replace it

but, you know,

budgetary constraints.

The clock's ticking, Roy.

In two days,

a blood moon will rise.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

And in the Bible,

when that follows

a blue moon eclipse,

it can only mean one thing.

A hoot of a time

for astronomers?

The end of times.

Hmm.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(RETCHES)

(VOMITS)

What the...

Oh, fancy.

(RUMBLING)

(RUMBLING STOPS)

(EXHALES IN RELIEF)

(GRUNTS)

(BODY THUDS)

Ow.

JEANNE:
That's the good thing

about dying.

It can only happen once.

You must be Sheriff Pulsipher.

In all my glory.

I have seen glory

and I don't think you are it.

Just who might you be?

JEANNE:
Jeanne.

The name is Jeanne.

ROY:
Listen, Jane,

I don't do partners.

Hano charged me

with looking after you,

and I don't go against orders.

I don't need

no looking after.

And I don't need

a fourth partner.

Four partners?

Where are your other three?

Everywhere.

The Father, Son

and the Holy Ghost.

Oh.

Yeah, those three

gun stingers?

They don't come in real handy

when you need backup

in fire fight.

I don't need backup with a gun

when I'm unbeatable

with a sword.

Let's make one thing clear.

I got seniority

in this here arrangement.

I got at least 20 years on ya.

If we were alive.

But you have been dead

for three days.

Me?

162,425.

Or 445 years.

How senior do you feel now?

Hell with this. Hee-ya!

(HORSE WHINNIES)

ZEKE:
I ain't gonna

ask you again.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I said, get in line.

Come on now, Daddy.

BANK MANAGER:

No need to hurt me.

I mean, us.

I'll get you all

what I have in the safe.

We ain't here for your money.

This is a bank.

What else do you want?

Them.

Yeah, we want people.

You got any of them

in your safe?

'Cause, we'll take 'em all.

Oh!

(BULLET WHIZZES)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

SLIM:
I'm sorry about that.

You're the sorriest

son-of-a-b*tch we ever had

the misfortune

of getting stuck with.

The law is coming.

God damn, they brought

the whole cavalry this time.

You three stay here.

Hold them off.

Catch back up with us later.

Got it.

Damn it!

Hee-ya!

(SNIFFLES)

Oh.

(SIGHS SOFTLY)

JEANNE:

You don't need a partner,

and I don't need

a stray dog, Roy.

Now let's go.

You're not gonna stop me

from seeing my daughter.

Now, listen.

(GRUNTS)

That was unexpected.

You know,

I've never hit a woman.

But you come between me

and my Charlotte,

there's gonna be hell to pay.

Faster than when

you were alive, huh?

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

I can't let you go see her.

Why not?

Because you...

...aren't you anymore.

So this is me now?

To everyone

on Earth, anyway.

(GASPS)

You always said I needed

to be more in touch

with my feminine side, Millie.

If you could only see me now.

Breaks my heart, my daughter

will never know me again.

The RIPD gave you

a second chance

to restore order to the world.

Not your old life.

That's why we don't return

as ourselves.

It would be too confusing

for anyone who knew us.

This is 1876 America.

If you haven't noticed,

folks around these parts

ain't too broad-minded.

Few people

are gonna talk to us,

let alone even listen to us,

looking the way we do.

Why do that?

Make our job

that much harder?

Maybe the eternal one

thought you could learn

a thing or two.

Walking in shoes

of those deemed

less advantaged.

Come on, now.

I have learned plenty.

My best friend is Black.

And my daughter is a woman.

Just because you know them,

does not mean you understand

what it's like to be them.

We'll say we're sisters.

Bounty hunters.

That should

get us some respect.

I can't believe

that this here body

is right there, buried,

under my feet.

Well...

Well what?

It's true that part of you

was buried under there.

Part of me?

The parts they could find.

After you were shot.

I think buried here

is a foot, a shoulder,

your ear, maybe, and your...

My ass?

Yes.

They found your ass, too.

Where is the rest of me?

In a cave, apparently.

Some coyotes

got to you, Roy.

Some coyotes?

They were hungry,

and you were dead.

Hungry coyotes.

I heard they had

some small babies.

Small, hungry,

baby coyotes.

So, you helped them survive.

It's a beautiful thing,

to be a part

of the food chain.

Shut up.

Circle of life...

Stop. Stop talking.

Where are you going, Roy?

My skin might have changed,

but my heart and soul

are still the same.

I know I can make

my daughter recognize me.

You can't communicate

with loved ones

anymore either.

Anything you say to her

will only come out

as an incoherent gibberish.

So, not only will my daughter

not recognize me,

she won't understand a lick

of what I'm saying, either?

This is some bullshit.

(ROY GRUNTS, EXCLAIMS)

(HENRY HUMMING SOFTLY)

I know exactly

how you feel, ma'am.

I understand your pain.

It's good

to let it all out.

You've come

to pay your respects to

the late Sheriff, too, then?

I can't say

I've seen you ladies

around these parts before.

Do you know this man?

That is Henry.

My friend I was talking about.

We've known each other

since we were knee-high.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(SHUSHES)

Name's Matilde, Father.

And this here

is my mute sister,

Mabel.

We only met

the Sheriff once.

He, uh, helped us

with our broken down wagon.

I must admit,

I didn't take

much of a shine to him,

nor him to me.

In fact, he seemed quite

self-absorbed, if you ask me.

The kind of man

that wanted to control

every situation he was in

no matter how

out of his depth

he truly was.

But Mabel, well,

she seemed to think

he was something

really special.

Well, we're all entitled

to our own points of view,

I guess.

But I may have to side

with Miss Mabel

over here on this one.

That man was special.

Far from perfect, of course.

But, special nonetheless.

I mean, was he a little

arrogant?

No doubt.

Did he think that

he had the answers

before the questions

were even asked?

That was Roy, to a tee.

(LAUGHS)

Pigheaded? Ha!

Stubborn as an ornery mule,

more like it.

Boy, was Roy loyal.

To his family,

this town, to me.

There is no one

you wanted more

to have your back.

Makes me wonder how

we're gonna stand on our own

two feet without him.

Especially against the evil

likes of them Samuels

that did Roy in

and took poor

Charlotte's fiance,

amongst others.

Least they caught

three of them five reprobates

holding up a bank today.

Federal Marshals will be

transferring them to Laramie.

It's the hangman's noose

for them boys now.

Mmm-mmm. No, no.

They are moving

them to Laramie.

They gotta pass through

Snake Gully and that's where

we'll hit them.

No.

I have indulged

your little identity crisis.

But we must get to Red Creek.

Didn't you hear Henry?

The Samuels took Angus.

And that is an issue

for the Earthly

authorities to solve,

not us.

Gateways, portals, deados.

That is your jurisdiction now,

Officer.

Out of my way.

The world could be at stake

and you care only about

saving one man.

Not just any man.

The man that makes my daughter

the happiest in the world.

And for me,

my daughter is my world.

Was your world.

You are dead.

You'll get used to using

the past tense.

Hey, Jenny,

would you go walk

around on my grave?

With pleasure.

Wait, why?

'Cause if you're gonna be

such a pain in my ass,

you might as well

be standing on it!

Goodbye, Mabel.

Take good care now.

Right. Mabel.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

MARSHAL:
Settle down

back there, boys.

Settle down.

Stubborn as

an ornery mule.

Well, if that isn't

the understatement

of my many years

of after-life service.

How you feel

about me is nothing

compared to my disposition

for those Samuel brothers.

The damndest thing,

not too long ago,

those boys were good

and God-fearing.

Then just like that...

Bad. Turned.

Rotten to the core.

Old Doris Samuel said

her four boys

and adopted son, Slim,

went out to work an old well

one day on their farm,

and came back that night

a crazy bunch of no-goods.

She always said it was like,

they weren't her boys no more.

Also, Henry said

three of the five Samuels

were caught.

There should have been

only four left.

I pegged their leader, Zeke,

before I was killed.

Nobody could have

survived that shot.

Maybe you're not

the sharp shot you thought

you were, Annie Oakley.

I can shoot the sting

off a hornet from 50 feet.

JEANNE:
Your humility

is a virtue to behold.

ROY:
Thank you.

MARSHAL:
Hoo!

Here they come.

Told you they'd pass this way.

MARSHAL:
Make it quick.

Now's our chance.

Go!

Don't you worry none, fellas.

We'll be getting you to that

judge soon enough.

Just your exploits in this

region alone will see you

swinging by Sunday.

(URINATING)

Sure you don't wanna go?

It's a great spot.

I feel light as a feather.

What are you doing?

We got the element

of surprise!

Look.

Holy sh*t!

The Uroboros!

JEANNE:
You may not be

such a bad shot

after all, Roy.

But you couldn't have killed

that which was already dead.

Doris Samuels didn't think

her sons came home that night

because they didn't.

Rogue souls that escaped

judgement must have

been hiding in that well.

And possessed the brothers

and made them deados.

And this just

became our jurisdiction.

Help! Help me, misters!

Please.

It's my sister!

She's hurt real bad.

She's a bit slow, you see,

and doesn't have

a keen sense of direction.

Fact, she don't much

have a keen sense of anything

at all right now,

truth be told.

She slipped from the top

of the canyon.

Banged herself up real good.

MARSHAL:
Now,

you hold it right there.

We do not have the time

nor the disposition

to help the likes of you.

Guess you don't have

the disposition

for no Morgan silver

then neither.

Hey, fellas.

See if you can help

the little lady out.

JEANNE:
Okay, then.

Thank you.

You're real saints.

(GRUNTS)

MARSHAL:
Hey fellas,

we gotta go.

Leave 'em to die

if you have to.

Just make sure

you grab the silver.

Fellas?

(GRUNTING)

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Whoa!

I got her! I got her!

You go check!

Yeah, you got her.

That's for damn sure.

But I can't see

no bullet hole.

Boo!

(MARSHAL 2 SCREAMS)

JEANNE:
Hey, Marshal.

Still want that silver?

(GRUNTS)

ROY:
That's the thing

about dying,

it can only happen once.

Ow. Just like a snake bite.

(SAMUELS LAUGHING)

Damn strong lock.

(STRAINING)

Search him again!

I'm telling you,

the key must have got lost

while you were busy assaulting

us US Federal Marshals.

No! These ain't mine!

Oh, God!

So what now?

We're gonna have

to pop one of them.

Pop what now?

Hmm?

ROY:
You gonna partake

in a little moonshine

with our captives?

This isn't moonshine.

But for deados,

something far more torturous.

(GROWLING)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Once popped,

he's got to be stopped.

(GROWLING, SCREECHING)

(GRUNTS)

What the...

Holy sh*t.

No, water.

Blessed by the Almighty.

Once they've possessed

a human, deados hate

revealing their true selves.

The pain is unbearable.

Holy water speeds up

the process.

Uh, where are the other two?

Oh, there's one.

JEANNE:
Like I said,

in a gunfight,

all I need is my sword.

Let's go, deado filth.

(MUFFLED YELPS)

Son of a...

What?

What?

Don't you "what, what"

me, boy.

You was the one that sent me

to the bone orchard

with a slug to the back

of the skull, ya damn coward!

Ma'am!

I've no idea who you are!

He doesn't recognize you,

Roycephus.

(CHUCKLES) Roycephus?

Her name is Roycephus?

Oh!

I saw it on your tombstone.

It is a pretty funny name.

Is it Roman?

It means noble and kind!

Neither of which

I'm feeling at the moment,

as I stare into the eyes

of my murderer.

No! Whoa, whoa.

Slow down!

Now I know

Sheriff Pulsipher was shot

near the train that day,

but I've no idea who did it.

You did it!

It was you!

You shot me

from inside the train!

Nah, that bill

is a load of bosh.

Someone's trying to frame me!

Okay.

Cool, cool, so clearly,

you can't see our true selves.

But can you see

these weapons?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, I see them.

Good, 'cause this pistol

is the last thing

you're ever gonna see!

Adios, deados!

No. What about

getting him to talk?

Think about your daughter.

About Angus.

They're the reason

we're here, right?

God damn it!

What did you do

with the people

from the train?

Eat a horn toad!

Ah...

Oh, boy.

Mmm-hmm.

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLING)

Come on out!

Any more, and he'll pop.

I'll talk. Please!

ROY:
Go on, then. Talk.

SLIM:
Okay. Okay, okay.

There's this deado.

The worst I've ever seen.

Goes by the name Otis.

Otis Claiborne.

And he ain't like most deados.

He's more powerful.

He forced me

and the souls that took over

the other Samuels

to kidnap people

and deliver them to Red Creek.

Red Creek?

As in Red Creek,

Utah?

SLIM:
Yeah.

Maybe this little diversion

wasn't a waste of time,

after all.

And how long

you been rounding

up folks for this Otis'?

About a month.

Since he showed up.

That's around the same time

as the gateway rupture.

You reckon this Otis could be

the "hellish discharge"

Hano was on about?

Souls can escape

on their way into Hell

but none have ever

gotten back out.

What business does this Otis

have with the kidnapped folk?

He's locking them up.

Keeping them healthy.

He's got something

big planned. That's for sure.

And it's goin' down soon.

That's all I know!

Means Angus

might still be alive.

Look, we was just trying

to lay low from you RIPD.

But Otis has a real

scary way about him.

I ain't proud of what I done,

but he threatened

to wipe us all out

if we didn't help.

And how exactly

was he going to do that?

Deados can't wipe out

other deados.

With one of those, they can.

Now why would this

Otis fella have himself

an RIPD equalizer?

I don't know.

But it's not good.

We need to get to Red Creek.

Ow!

(SIGHS WEARILY)

(DOOR OPENS)

That deado crew

has returned.

But they only brought back

eight more.

I'll get them to do

one last run

before midnight.

Their leader

said they're done.

For good this time.

Seems they want out

before any RIPD

start moving in.

Is that so?

What else did he say?

He doesn't think we should all

be following you with such...

...blind faith.

They are questioning

your origins.

Who you say you really are.

And you?

Do you doubt who I say I am?

It's just...

They're questioning

how you got out.

(CHUCKLES)

As one of the three,

I had the freedom

to roam all circles

of the underworld.

I escaped through limbo

during that full moon eclipse

when a fragment of

the gateway grew weak.

Now, tonight's blood moon

completes a tetradic

lunar cycle,

making the entire gateway

weak and vulnerable

at midnight.

That's when we put

the humans to work.

It gives them

six hours to toil

until the gateway strengthens

again at dawn,

making it impossible

to penetrate once more.

This is why we need

as many hands as we can get.

Because if they fail...

...it will be another

quarter of a century

before the gateway

is at its weakest once again.

I was tired of fighting

for control down below.

I escaped to rule

over my own dominion

here on Earth.

I can barely wait a few hours,

let alone a quarter

of a century.

Now you tell me.

Do I also have to fight

for your belief

in me as well?

No, I'm with you.

I am.

I believe you can deliver us

Hell on Earth.

But...

But what?

I can no longer speak

for the others.

Well, let's go open

everyone's eyes, then.

If you're gonna

put faith in me,

I no longer

want it to be blind.

Hmm.

ROY:
Are you sure we can't

just pop this dead weight?

He's holding us back.

JEANNE:

Execution is not RIPD policy.

Once we're done,

Hano will have him

redirected back to Hell.

His fate has already

been sealed.

Just put me on the back

of the horse, Miss Horciphus.

We'll get there

much quicker.

I'll hold on

to you real tight.

I promise.

We'll keep each other

nice and toasty, huh?

What do you say? (GRUNTS)

ROY:
I'll give him

a fighting chance.

Ten seconds start.

He did kill me, after all.

JEANNE:
"The best revenge

is to be unlike him

who caused the injury."

ROY:
You quoting

the Bible on me now?

JEANNE:
No.

Marcus Aurelius said that.

Like you, he was a Roman, too.

Roycephus ain't Roman.

It's a family name.

JEANNE:
Okay. I got it.

Message received.

Don't you mean "Roy-ceiphed"?

Message "Roy-ceiphed."

(CHUCKLES) Get it?

'Cause your name

is Royceph...

Oh! Here come the snake bites.

Snake what?

Ow! Ow!

I'm sorry, okay? Damn!

I'm gonna file a complaint

when you take me in.

(GROANS)

Speaking of fate,

I gotta thank you.

For, uh, saving my life

back at the canyon.

He had me dead to rights.

That wasn't easy for you,

was it?

Admitting you can't

do it alone.

I'm not admitting anything,

I'm just saying thanks

for having my back.

Don't make this awkward.

You're welcome.

But it wasn't your life

that I saved back there.

But something

far more important.

Your soul.

So tell me,

your dearly departed Millie,

do you think she ended

"up" or "down"?

Well seeing how

I was heading to

the pearly gates,

that damn fine woman probably

has a seat in the front row.

Hmm.

Looking forward

to joining her.

Hopefully,

she is waiting for you.

Oh, hey!

What's that now?

Oh, nothing.

It's just...

It's just what?

It's just there are

a lot of good men in heaven.

Very good men.

Good looking, so I hear.

Maybe she moved on.

They can do that?

Yeah.

ROY AND SLIM:
Damn!

I thought when I died,

Millie and I would be

together for eternity.

Eternity?

Together with you, Roy?

No, no, no, no.

That would be more like Hell

for poor Millie.

Don't you think?

Yeah, it would. It would.

(LAUGHS)

What are you laughing at?

What?

I'm just breaking your noix.

Breaking my what?

Your, uh, this,

only for boys.

Breaking my nuts?

Yes.

You were breaking

my nuts?

Uh-huh. (LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

That was a good one.

Yes!

Oh, you got me.

I got you.

Yeah.

You got me, too.

Man, she's funny.

Weird, but funny.

(CHUCKLES)

I'll shut up now.

Message Roy-ceiphed.

I mean received. Aw, sh*t.

Ow! (YELLS)

(ROY AND JEANNE LAUGH)

I heard this was all

you could muster.

ZEKE:
Word's getting around

about our kidnappings,

so it's rare

to find anybody gathering

around here at all.

Our last two scores

had to be over the border.

Like I said,

we're done here now.

(LAUGHS)

You really don't wanna

stay and be a part

of the foundation

that creates

a new world order?

You don't wanna witness

something truly biblical?

What a shame

you have no faith in me.

Because when I lead our kind

in Earth's great takeover,

you could have had

a seat at the main table.

(SQUELCHING)

(YELLS)

(SCREECHING)

(DISTORTED) Look at me!

Open your eyes.

I said, open your eyes!

(SCREECHING)

And believe!

How do you feel about staying?

Go help the others.

I want these new ones

masked up,

watered and fed.

I need them all fit

for the work ahead.

(WOMAN WHIMPERING)

You think anyone

doubts who I am now?

(WOMAN SHRIEKING)

Let's play a game called

"When we were alive."

So, when you were alive,

what'd you prefer?

Whiskey or gin?

Dresses or tights?

Chicken or steak?

You know what to do.

Come again?

(GRUNTS)

Ow!

It's actually

starting to tickle.

(CHUCKLES)

Damn it!

The waltz or tango?

(EXCLAIMS)

Coffee or tea?

Saloons or brothels?

Sunrise or sunset?

Long hair, short hair?

Missionary

or doggy-style?

Oh! Ah!

I'm starting to like that.

Are we there yet?

JEANNE:
"The sun

will turn into darkness,

"and the moon into blood,

"before the great

and terrible day comes."

ROY:
Guessing that's not

Marcus Aurelius?

JEANNE:
The Book of Joel.

The sentiment is echoed

in Acts and Revelations,

signifying...

The beginning

of the end of times?

Yeah, Hano sent me

back to Earth

with that same cheery note.

Just over that ridge

is Red Creek.

I'd turn back if I were you.

(GRUNTS)

Here are the rules.

You open that rancid pie hole

of yours and you tell anyone

who we really are,

you eat one

of these bullets.

Mmm-hmm.

You even imply

that we're RIPD...

You eat one of these

here bullets.

In fact you speak without me

allowing you to speak...

I eat one of them

there bullets?

You're not as dumb

as you look.

You so damn ugly.

Good idea.

We don't want anyone

recognizing we have him.

Yeah. That's why I did it.

SLIM:
What's that smell?

Two Black women

are pulling a hooded man

through town

with a rope and no one

bats an eyelid?

They seem too ill

to notice anything.

Yeah, I wonder

what's ailing them.

Cholera hit Blackpool

a few months back.

You hear that?

JEANNE:
I hear nothing.

Exactly.

Just when you think things

couldn't get any stranger...

An empty saloon.

Whatever happened here,

happened in a hurry.

(BOYS COUGHING)

Boys, where is everyone?

That's right! Pile it all up.

Come on, keep it moving now.

Come on. There you go.

All your donations

are going to a damn

fine cause,

I assure you, so...

Keep those heads up

and have another

blessed eve...

Who's the snake oil salesman?

JULIUS:
...in the good Lord's

favorite town!

SLIM:
Ah, Julius Butterfield.

He owns the saloon,

livery stables, general store,

the local printing press

and the hotel.

Oh, yeah.

He's also the mayor.

Seems like a fair election.

(BELL RINGING)

JULIUS:
Okay, I got you.

I got you. (COUGHS)

Forgive my tardiness.

There are days

I need at least five of me

to get all I need...

...done.

Oh, no, no, no.

You...

You're gonna have to leave.

You should not be in here.

Sure, we should!

We're bounty hunters.

Sisters. All the way

from Bandera, Texas.

We require lodgings.

And this is a hotel.

He your bounty then?

You're not as dumb

as you look.

Well, maybe you both are...

...because it appears

that you can't read.

Now leave.

You're breaking the law.

Just 'cause it's a law,

don't make it right.

I'm gonna ask you

to take that down.

Just as soon

as I get that chance.

Burn it.

You don't tell me

what to do.

Now.

Right.

You're right.

Capitalism is colorblind.

And being more open

means making

more money, after all.

So...

Thank you.

All right.

(MUFFLED CLAMORING)

You all right?

Beverly!

Yes, sir!

(CHUCKLES)

What's all that

"sir" nonsense?

I told you it's just

plain old "Julius" to you

and everyone else.

We're all one and the same

around here.

Now, Beverly would you

please be so kind

as to show our guests here

to room 5?

Thank you.

Enjoy your stay.

Follow me, ladies.

Pardon my asking,

but I recognize the birthmark

on the arm of your bounty.

He and his posse have been

in and out of town

a few times of late.

Mind if I enquire

what you got him for?

Killing a US Marshal.

SLIM:
I told you,

I ain't kill no...

(GROANS)

But don't you worry none,

Miss Beverly.

We're gonna keep

a real close

eye on him.

I ain't afraid of him.

His partners were plain nasty.

But he was, uh, nice.

SLIM:
Yes, thank you.

Come on in.

I hope it has everything

you need.

JEANNE:
Excuse my own

inquisitiveness,

Miss Beverly,

but what ails the town?

Oh...

No one knows for sure.

Started about a month ago.

Mr. Butterfield says

it has to do with

the water supply.

But between you and me

and the bedpost,

I think that's just a ploy

for him to sell more whiskey.

To who?

There ain't barely

anyone around.

Oh. Town emptied out

dead of last night.

Mr. Butterfield says gold

was struck not far away.

Seems everyone

must want a piece

before there's nothing left.

If that was the case,

I reckon old Butterfield

would have been the first

to break ground.

Do you really

believe him?

I don't have much of a choice.

Pardon me.

I suggest you keep

your door locked.

SLIM:
You heard her.

She said I'm nice.

She ain't well.

Confusing you

with someone else.

I mean,

can a deado be nice?

Not in my extended

experience.

SLIM:
Well, look who's

discriminating now.

There must be

something in the air

making everybody sick.

That's why it's not affecting

any of us. In other words,

the dead.

And I think...

It's coming from up there.

SLIM:
Hmm? Up where?

(GROANS)

GIRL:
Daddy! Daddy!

Stay with me!

Stay with me!

Don't, don't!

Don't, don't!

Please! I've got

to revive my daddy.

Please...

No, no, no.

Look, he's still with us.

Just let him rest.

Listen, lady. Up here,

if you take off that mask,

you will die.

And fast.

How do you know?

I've seen it happen.

(ANGUS GASPING, WHEEZING)

(COUGHING)

GIRL:
Okay! Stop it!

You've made your point.

Okay!

(PANTING)

What do they want

with us all?

I don't know.

I have a feeling

that we'll come

to understand real soon.

MAN:
What are you looking at?

(COUGHING)

(COUGHING)

God damn it!

OTIS:
You gotta get

all the equipment

up to the mine.

There's no time to waste.

We start opening the gateway

in less than an hour.

(COUGHING)

What do you want,

Butterfield?

Listen. Otis.

I've done everything

asked of me so far,

haven't I?

You did try and run away

from me a few days ago,

remember?

Okay, okay,

but since then,

I couldn't have been

more accommodating

to your needs,

no matter how felonious

or demanding.

But, please.

I'm begging you.

All I want in return

is one of these.

I told you they're

for workers only.

Are you gonna be one?

I told you,

I got a town to run.

You don't have

much of one left.

Because you've taken everyone!

No! Please!

No, no, no. Please.

Please!

A couple of healthy ones

just checked into the hotel.

Take them, too.

Just give me a mask.

I don't wanna die.

Death is not so bad.

In fact, sometimes

it's the beginning

of a whole new kind of life.

I mean, look at us,

we can breathe all kinds

of toxic air that you can't

in your current form.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

And didn't I promise your body

the same sort of rebirth

if you just showed us a little

cooperation and hospitality?

And I have.

I've done everything.

I just... I just want

my town back.

Tomorrow is the dawn

of a new day for you.

And all mankind.

Go on.

Take it.

It's yours.

(COUGHS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

What are you all even doing

up that mountain anyways?

Well now that

you have that mask on,

you're gonna find out.

JULIUS:
Otis, please!

Otis!

Otis!

MAN:
Get back.

Ugh. Damn!

Smelt like a horse's

ding-dong under there

You would know. Where is...

...Otis keeping

the kidnappees?

We delivered them

to the church.

That's all I know. Promise.

Ow. What are you doing?

I can help!

Nice try hoss.

You're staying put.

You got looser lips

than a jaw less mule.

You're gonna stay

right here.

Come on!

That is tight as a bull's ass

in fly season.

Look, give me a chance

to prove myself!

Please. I don't wanna

go to Hell.

Nothing we can do

about that now.

I didn't do nothing that bad

when I was alive.

Clearly, you did enough.

I mean, I stole some stuff.

Just some?

Okay, a little more than some.

A lot. I stole a lot of stuff.

In fact, I was called

"Bumble,"

on account of my hands

were stickier than a beehive.

See?

Hey! That's my new Susie!

You call your gun "Susie"?

Yeah, named it after

my dear old Meemaw.

You named a soul killer

after your grandma

and I'm the twisted one?

You should be going to Hell,

not... My point is,

I could have blown

both your souls

to dust just now.

But I didn't.

'Cause I want you to know

you can trust me.

Stealing ain't right,

I know that.

But it ain't nothing

compared to them souls

that took over

the other Samuel boys.

You heard Beverly, them deados

are meaner than cut snakes.

And I ain't like them.

You think it's fair that

we all get judged to end up

in the same awful place?

Psst, psst.

What is it?

Is there a chance

that old Slim,

the real Slim,

a little part of him

is still in there?

No. Slim is long gone.

This "Bumble" soul

is in complete control now.

And he's playing you, Roy.

Deados will do anything

to avoid going to Hell.

Don't be fooled.

Now let's go.

SLIM:
I don't wanna

go to Hell.

I don't belong there!

Please!

Let me prove it to you.

I can prove it to you, please.

I said, let's go, Roy.

SLIM:
Please!

Please! Please come back!

(WAILING)

I don't wanna go to Hell!

Please! I don't belong there!

JEANNE:

God have mercy on their souls.

Sorry.

The desecration of a house

of God is the ultimate sin.

Ultimate?

Kidnapping, hurting children,

murder, tad bit higher,

but to each their own.

At least we know

Slim was telling the truth.

Angus was here. He was wearing

this the day he was taken.

MAN:
(MUFFLED)

Help me somebody!

Help me, please! Anybody!

Is anybody there? Please!

Anybody, help...

Butterfield?

What the hell

are you doing in there?

This guy Otis

and his bunch of madmen!

They've seized

my entire town,

just rode right in here,

threw me in the back

of this van...

Slow down!

Where'd they take

everyone?

Up the mountain.

But the only thing

up there

IS an old mine.

Ain't no one struck it lucky

up there for...

The gateway!

Yeah.

I did hear Otis say something

about "opening a gateway."

The poisonous gas in the air

is seeping through the gateway

from the depths of Hell.

That rupture

was Otis's soul escaping.

Oh, Lord.

Why are you praying?

Otis is going to use

the humans to crack

the whole thing wide open.

Why, so he can

get back inside?

No.

So he can let the souls

of the damned back out.

Roy.

Roy?

JEANNE:
Otis is going to use

those digging humans

and turn them into deados.

After that,

they'll keep pouring out,

eventually taking over

and...

Possessing the rest

of the world.

I get it. End of times.

Mmm-hmm.

But why doesn't Otis

and his deado troop just

do the digging themselves?

Like us, they're unaffected

by the gas and stronger

than the humans, right?

God created a defense,

a kind of buffer

between Earth and Hell

to stop the souls beneath

from returning.

That buffer

was all of humanity.

Only when they invite

the souls back in

are they able to rise again.

ROY:
But that

would never happen.

'Cause mankind would never

welcome pure evil back into

their world.

But by digging

through the gateway,

that's exactly

what they're doing.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, you just lost me

with all that talk of Hell

and "souls escaping."

You women can be

so overly dramatic.

Really? Well, clearly

you don't want "us women"...

...to save your ass?

No!

No?

Fine, just do it yourself!

(EXCLAIMS)

(GRUNTING)

A little help!

ROY:
A little help!

A little more help!

I'm trying.

Here! Take it.

(LAUGHS)

(COUGHS)

Mr. Butterfield!

I have your tea

and nightcap for you.

Mr. Butterfield, sir?

"Butterfield Printing Press"?

"500 copies"?

You didn't kill no lawman.

You're a victim

of a gross injustice.

No way.

Now go.

Before they come back.

Go!

(COUGHING)

I think I'm dying.

I know something

that may help.

Get these to the folks

who are still around.

Can you help me?

I've got someplace else

I need to be.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(EXHALES)

NELL:
You guys ready?

COOPER:
Yeah. All set, ma'am.

It's almost midnight.

Not much longer now.

Hey, hey!

Back from the door!

Hey.

I know that sword.

Yeah. We bagged

ourselves some RIPD.

Don't take your eyes off them.

It looked like

she recognized

you and could see me.

Yup. Now we know

where those deados

got their RIPD weapons.

That's Nell Boyce.

Recruitment got

that one all wrong.

She robbed our armory

before going into hiding.

Guess she found something

worth coming out for.

(MAN EXCLAIMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

ROY:
You got some stones

on you, boy.

But sometimes,

saving the day

requires you to admit

you can't do it alone.

ANGUS:
Whoa.

You should better

get some masks.

You're gonna croak

real fast up in here

if you don't.

Angus?

I'm sorry,

do I know you, ma'am?

Of course you do, son.

It's me...

Ro... (GIBBERISH)

Right.

No, uh...

No, you, uh, don't know me.

No, um...

I, uh, just heard...

...your name

called out by somebody

when you were storming

out of the cage

like a wild mustang.

"Careful, Angus!

"Don't do anything foolish,

Angus. And so on."

That doesn't matter

right now.

What matters is...

...I see you now.

And you got much more moxie

than I ever gave you

credit for.

I've been wrong to judge you

unkindly since we met.

Which was, what,

maybe a minute ago?

Miss...

Mabel.

The name's Mabel.

Are you married, Angus?

ANGUS:
No, ma'am.

But I'm engaged.

To the most wondrous human

that I've ever met.

And her father?

Handsome son of a b*tch,

ain't he?

What? (STAMMERS)

I mean... I guess?

Not a guessing game,

I'm sure he is.

You know, I just never

understood why he never

took a shine to me.

Maybe he stupidly thought

that you marrying my...

His daughter...

...you were trying

to replace him.

And you know...

What, with his poor wife

taken ill by the pox

a few years earlier...

...maybe he was scared

he'd be left all alone.

Wow.

How could you possibly

know all that?

It's a gift.

Some call it

women's intuition.

Let me ask you something.

If he was standing

right here, right now,

what would you say to him?

Well, I would say, "Roy..."

"You handsome son-of-a-b*tch,"

start with flattery,

helps with future in-laws.

ANGUS:
Um...

So I'd say, "Roy...

"not only do I think

that you are...

A handsome son-of-a-b*tch."

ANGUS:
...a handsome

son-of-a-b*tch, but...

"I just want you to know

that I could never

compete with you.

"And I just hope you know

how much I respect you.

"If I can ever be

half the husband

for my Charlotte

"that you've been

a father, then I...

"I'll die knowing

that I got it right."

You're gonna get that chance,

I promise you.

For inspiration.

I told you, I got a gift.

Otherworldly, you might say.

Here we go.

(TICKING)

(RUMBLING)

It's time.

Gateway is weaker

than I thought.

They'll break through

sooner than expected.

Bring 'em all in.

What do you want to do

about the RIPD?

OTIS:
I got plans for them.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Mabel! Mabel!

Help!

You stay down.

You stay calm.

Think of Charlotte!

Let me go with him.

Let me go with him!

We wanna go in! We wanna help!

NELL:
I bet you do.

RIPD scum.

Hey, Joan, been a long time.

Still got this famous

blade of yours.

As ex-RIPD,

I can tell you what

these two really look like.

No.

I can see them.

I can see everything.

And I can tell you

it's too late for you

and your department,

I'm afraid.

Tomorrow your RIPD will be

useless against our numbers.

When the gateway opens wide,

deados will take over.

And I'm gonna rule over

them all as I turn Earth

into the tenth circle of Hell.

(LAUGHS)

Ah!

Just before dawn,

bring them in so that

I can throw them

into the abyss

before the gateway

closes once again.

And for someone

who hates fire

as much as you,

Jeanne D'Arc,

you'll be bathing in it

for all eternity.

(EXCLAIMS)

NELL:
Whoa-ho. (CHUCKLES)

The irony

is so gloriously delicious.

(LAUGHS)

Do not let them

out of your sight.

Jeanne D'Arc? Joan?

445 years dead?

I think pretty quick

on my feet.

I figured it out.

You're...

Joan of Arc.

Wow.

Joan.

If it's all right with you,

I'm just gonna keep

calling you Jean.

Jeanne.

Jean, Jeanne, same thing.

Joan of Arc, first partner

this lone wolf

has ever really needed.

And I've enjoyed having you

as my fourth partner.

Roycephus.

Well, let's hope

those other three

are really with us,

'cause we're gonna need

all the help we can muster

to get the hell out of here.

(PEOPLE GRUNTING IN EFFORT)

NELL:
Harder. Dig harder.

Get him up.

DEADO:
Get up.

ANGUS:
No, no, no.

Please, I can help.

Come on.

DEADO:
Back to work!

(GRUNTING)

(YELPING)

(LAUGHING)

(ALL GROANING)

I can feel it now.

In three...

Two...

One.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(YELLING)

(DEAD SOULS GROWLING)

(YELLING)

(EXCLAIMS)

ROY:
So if they can get

this gateway open,

is there anything

that can close it?

Yes. But we'll need

to extinguish the hellfire.

Only one thing can do that.

During the Siege of Orleans,

when I was alive,

I broke ranks to assess

the damage done

to our houses of God...

God, have mercy

on their souls.

I discovered something

truly magnificent.

The Tears of Christ.

SLIM:
Hey, y'all.

Room for one more

at this party?

Well, well, well.

Look what the cat

dragged in.

Didn't think

we'd see you again.

Shut up, Cooper.

You talk too much.

Mm. How does it feel being

on the "Royceiphing" end?

Oh, that's hers, ain't it?

Yeah.

It's big.

COOPER:
Whoa. Take it easy.

Not after the way

she's treated me.

This is not

what's planned for her.

You don't wanna

go against orders.

Well, how about her, then?

I really feel like

shooting somebody.

I get that.

Oh, you do?

Well, that's great!

(EXCLAIMING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, do you trust me now?

So before I let you out,

I want you to promise me,

my soul gets a retrial.

I want my current

judgement revoked.

That's rare,

but not impossible.

You let us out,

and I'll see to it.

And you.

Before I let you out,

you need to see this.

Remember, Butterfield

owns a printing press,

and like I said,

I was framed.

I told you the bills

weren't official.

Butterfield had

them fake ones made.

Your beef is with him,

not me, Roycephus.

Call me Roy.

(GROWLING)

All right, listen to me.

We gotta try

and get out of here.

We gotta get

out right now!

No!

Daddy! No! (SOBS)

Please...

No!

He's gone!

He's been taken!

Look at me!

Your daddy's gone.

We have to go!

These tears need to be dropped

into the eye of the hellfire,

dead center in the gateway.

Only then will it seal,

sucking everything

in with it.

Means we gotta get

those humans out first.

Exactly.

Now go.

Uh, you're coming with.

I can't, Roy. I...

I just can't.

Go! Go!

Just stay with me.

You'll get out.

Just stay with me.

Come on!

I think I get it!

Don't look at them!

Avert your eyes!

Avert your eyes!

You've got fire in you

that's greater than anything

that ever came out of Hell.

You got this.

Come on, now!

Not a moment has passed

since I was burned

at the stake

that I have not heard

my own dying screams.

I can't do fire, Roy.

I'm sorry.

Bring me in.

Hey, partner.

You've been safeguarding

these for 445 years.

This is your moment.

Make them open their eyes!

Make them look!

I didn't call for them.

No choice,

the other one rebelled.

Took out Cooper and Brooks

before I got her.

What should I do

with this one?

Just throw him in!

Ready?

Mmm-hmm.

Set.

Mmm-hmm.

Go!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

ANGUS:
This way. Come on.

Come on.

Go help Angus and the others.

I'm gonna find me this Otis.

Okay.

Close your eyes!

Close your eyes!

Come on, come on, come on!

Keep your eyes closed!

Go! Move!

Go! Go!

Watch out!

No!

Let's go! Come on!

(STRAINING)

Whoa!

(GRUNTING)

ROY:
I get it. It's hot.

It's gonna get

a whole lot hotter.

JULIUS:
Please. Please.

No, no, no, no...

Get out of here. Go!

(GRUNTING)

SLIM:
Keep your eyes closed!

Keep your eyes closed!

Come on! Go!

Go! Feel!

(YELLS)

(GROWLING)

(CLAMORING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(YELLS)

We need to hold on.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMS)

Hold on!

(SIGHS)

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

ANGUS:
Hey, it's over.

It's over.

That's some powerful tears

you got there.

And the wretched

are where they belong.

ROY:
And Otis, too,

from the looks of it.

Thanks for showing up

when you did.

You didn't give me

much choice.

(STRAINING)

Little help, please.

Come on.

(BOTH STRAINING)

Oh, it's really in there.

JEANNE:
Yes,

it's like the Earth

is tightened around it.

OTIS:
Your interference

is really testing my patience.

Appears I'll have to wait

another 25 years

for this opportunity.

Astaroth!

As... What?

What's an Astaroth?

JEANNE:
One-third

of the evil trinity.

The right hand

to the devil himself.

Until I rose to establish

my own throne here on Earth.

And you're not gonna

stop me this time!

(GROWLING)

JEANNE:

I've lost the tears, Roy.

I've got to get to my sword.

ROY:
Hold on, now.

Look what got left behind.

Relax. I got this.

Hey, A**hole-roth!

(ASTAROTH LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(GROWLING)

(GASPS)

Nothing more humiliating

than having your soul taken

by your own weapon,

huh? (LAUGHS)

ROY:
The tears.

Let there be something left.

(SCREECHING)

Eat your heart out,

Annie Oakley.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

JEANNE:
I'm quite sure

Butterfield does not expect us

to settle our tab.

No, but we got

some unfinished business.

I never meant

to kill that Sheriff!

SLIM:
Let's go.

Please.

You got to believe me.

SLIM:
I found him cowering

under the bed.

Go on, tell him the truth!

When Otis took over my town,

I tried to escape.

Caught me a train

across the border.

Just so it happened,

them Samuel bandits

were working over Horseshoe

at the same time,

stealing more folks for Otis

as the train passed through.

I didn't want them Samuels

bringing me back.

So, when I fired that gun...

I thought I was shooting

one of them.

Butterfield!

No. No, come here.

Go on!

I knew he was there.

I knew he was the weakest.

I had them fake bills printed

in order to save my own hide.

Why do you women

even care so much

about that damn Sheriff?

I know what Marcus Aurelius

thinks about revenge.

But what does the Bible say,

and make it quick?

Roy, if I start quoting

the Bible, Butterfield

will die of old age.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

You know what to do.

I heard that

you lost your lawman

up there last night.

Is there anyone

that you or the town

wanna elect as new Sheriff?

Yes, there is.

Him.

Me?

Him?

And I'm going

to be his Deputy.

All right, then.

You saw firsthand

where you're gonna end up.

There ain't nothing worse

that I can to you than that.

Take him away. Lock him up.

Deputy.

Let's go!

Julius.

Ah!

Release me!

Deado outlaw...

...to deado lawman.

You've come

a long way, son.

I guess you've earned

the right for us to know

who you really are.

Should we call you Bumble?

No. Keep calling me Slim.

I intend on bringing

only honor to the name.

We'll come get you

when your soul's retrial

has been set.

But you step

out of line here,

and we'll be coming back

for a whole different reason.

Message Roy-ceiphed.

Well... (SIGHS)

I guess us ladies

need to go shopping

for a couple of dresses.

Because...

We cannot go

to my daughter's wedding

looking like this!

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Yeah, whatever that means!

It means, "Oh, my God!"

(BELLS TOLLING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

I present to you

Mr. and Mrs. Parker!

(ALL CHEERING)

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

There they are.

Come on.

One second, one second.

Come on, come on.

Well, now.

Don't you two look

simply magnificent?

Good luck, Angus.

After today you'll face a far

greater challenge than Hell.

Marriage.

And you're gonna love

every second of it.

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

Are you okay, Mabel?

'Cause I didn't understand

a word that you just said.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

I think my sister

must have burned

her tongue up there.

She said

she couldn't be happier

for you

and your beautiful wife.

CHARLOTTE:

I know I just met her,

but it feels like I've known

Mabel my whole life.

ANGUS:
I know.

She is very...

...otherworldly.

ROY:
So tell me why Angus

can't understand me now.

Because now

that you've approved

of your daughter's marriage,

your soul considers

Angus a loved one.

Hmm.

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

So, uh, what are we gonna do

with these here horses?

Let them go.

They'll be here for us

whenever we need them.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

You know,

I've been thinking,

I get it.

You're RIPD

for the rest

of your afterlife.

Duty, honor, servitude

and all that.

But between you

and me and the fence post,

I reckon' I'm done.

As soon as we're done

with this shitty ride here,

I'm gonna tell Hano

to open up that portal

point me towards the sweet

warmth of eternal glory,

and send me on my way.

I want you to know,

I'm real glad to have served

with you and the RIPD,

partner.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) What...

What's funny?

You didn't read

your contract, did you?

Hell, no. That thing

was thicker than Slim.

Well, eternal glory

does await you, Roy,

but only after

you served your minimum

100-year contract term.

One hundred years?

Mmm-hmm.

Looks like you and me

aren't done with each other

yet, partner.

Come on!

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

(SPITS)

God damn it.

Sorry, boss.

What I meant to say was...

Damn it!

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