Rachel, Rachel Page #4

CALLA:

Oh, honey, honey.

Honey lamb.

My poor honey lamb.

Oh, it practically kills me

to see you like this.

Oh, Rachel.

Oh.

Oh, I didn't... I didn't mean that.

Oh, God.

Oh, please.

Now I'm a fool.

I'm a fool.

YOUNG RACHEL [SINGING]:

The wind blows low, the wind blows high

The snow comes falling from the sky

Rachel Cameron says she'll die

For the want of the Golden City

She is handsome, she is pretty

She's the queen of Golden City

She is pretty, one, two, three

In the Golden City

NICK:

Yo!

Rachel.

Is that...? Is that Nick Kazlik?

What are you doing? Taking a walk?

I'm going down to the river

to read a book.

How are you?

I'll tell you tonight

if you wanna take in a movie.

I'll have to check

with my social secretary.

NICK:

You do that and I'll see you around 8 .

RACHEL:

Thank you.

NICK:

What?

RACHEL:

I said, okay.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

BO Y:
Hi.

RACHEL:
Hi.

How are you?

How do you do?

How do you double-do?

WOMAN [ON TV]:

Will you be with me?

Do you promise to be with me?

MAN [ON TV]:

Doctors can't make promises.

Just try to let the sedative

take its effect now.

WOMAN [ON TV]:

Oh, to think, Jim...

... you'll be holding my heart

in your hands...

... actually holding it

in your two good hands.

MAN [ON TV]:

Haven't I always done that?

[CAR HORN HONKS]

RACHEL:

Hello.

NICK:

I'm sorry I didn't pull into the drive...

...but if I parked behind that hearse,

I'd feel like I was next in line.

RACHEL:

Oh, listen, don't I know.

MAN [ON FILM]:

Crawl up here slowly.

Put your face against mine.

Now look.

There. In the corner.

WOMAN [ON FILM]:

My God.

It's not...

It's not even human.

- Thank you.

- That's to make up for taking me so long.

Didn't you get something for yourself?

Oh.

There's a technique to this because

these things go off like cherry bombs.

Now, if the manager hears,

no drinking on the premises.

That sort of thing.

So if it's a comedy,

wait until everybody's laughing.

But if it's quiet, the way it is now...

...you gotta create

your own diversionary action.

[SNEEZING LOUDLY]

Ta-da.

USHER:

Sorry, buddy, no drinking in here. Out.

- Out?

USHER:
Out.

Oh, that's what I said, out.

NICK:

Come on, you too.

- Cheers.

DON:
Cheers.

Cheers.

Here's to you and here's to me

and if we ever disagree, here's to me.

DON:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Nick,

your old man's been in here looking for you.

He kept hollering your brother's name.

Steve, Steve.

Well, next time,

tell him to look in the graveyard.

Nick.

Three times this week,

he's called me Steve.

That's awful.

Don't waste your sympathy.

The wily bastard's as lucid as I am.

It's part of a plot.

To make me take over the farm.

DON:

Aw, you're the bastard.

My heart really bleeds for him.

I hate cows, that's all.

I'm not my brother, okay?

Okay.

Cows.

I don't like the way they parade

around nude in mixed company.

I think they should either wear brassieres,

half-slips or go to jail.

What about you?

[LAUGHS]

We really...

...go at each other

like mastodons sometimes.

We really tromp each other.

You and your father?

NICK:

Well...

Don't you think people

that love each other usually...

NICK:

Love?

I should have been the one

in the basket.

Father spiders and brother spiders.

We all have our share.

Sometimes even the ones

you think are gone are still with you.

When you step on a spider,

it wriggles till the sun goes down.

I don't know. I think that's snakes.

- It's the same thing.

- Oh.

I like you, Rachel.

Well, thank you, heh, heh.

Hey, Don, you wanna shoot me over

another beer?

NICK:
Boy, when you look at a person,

you really look.

Was I staring?

Oh, right across to the wrong side

of the tracks.

What did you think of us?

Us bohunk kids way back then?

I envied you.

NICK:

Why?

Did you think we spent all our time

getting laid?

And doing gay Slavic dances?

I've embarrassed you again.

Like when I said I was looking

for a little action. I'm sorry.

No, it's just that sometimes you don't talk

very much like a schoolteacher.

There aren't any second-graders here.

Let's dance.

Oh, I only do the box step.

You wanna go someplace with me?

Some place?

My mother has a rather uncertain heart...

...and she gets very worried about me

when I'm not home on time...

...so I think maybe the evening

had better be over now.

Mother spiders weave

very sticky webs too.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

"I wanna go, I wanna stay.

He loves me, he loves me not."

Should I make the big decision for you?

Please.

Thank you.

NICK:

How polite and well brought up you are.

Thank you. Please. For everything.

It's very thoughtful of you

to have brought that along.

Hmm, that's me.

Gallant to the end.

- Have a seat.

- Heh, heh.

You have beautiful skin.

Thank you.

Touch me.

[DRESS UNZIPS]

The moon's so bright,

I can see the cemetery.

Well, that grave's a fine and private place,

But none, I think, do there embrace

What's wrong?

I just want it to be so...

Don't worry, love.

It's never much good the first time.

Is it so obvious, then?

Is what so obvious?

That it's the first time for me?

[CHUCKLES]

You don't have to play the virgin.

I'm not gonna go around

saying you're a whore.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING

IN DISTANCE]

MAY:

Who's that?

Cinderella home from the ball?

Oh, you must've had a lovely evening, dear,

to have stayed out so late.

Well, we drove around.

It was a lovely evening.

Oh, I hope you didn't catch cold.

The wind seemed awfully chilly to me.

I opened the window and closed it again.

Uh, did you have to take your heart pill?

No.

And I forgot my sleepy-bye pill too.

I just feel so wide-awake

and bright-eyed.

RACHEL:

Does it show?

Can a miracle happen and never show?

NICK:

Rachel.

Look, honey, I'm not such

a whiz at saying things.

RACHEL:
He didn't say "whiz"

and he didn't call me "honey."

He said, "Fix yourself up

when you get home. "

That's all.

But how can I?

I can't just walk into the drugstore

and ask for, well, what I need.

Unless Mother has something.

Some antique rubber museum piece

that you can still smell the disinfectant on.

[CLICK TICKING]

Oh, Nick...

... I know I didn't do well.

It couldn't have been very nice for you.

God, please.

Whoever you are...

... please let him see me again.

So I can make it up to him.

Just so I can cancel out the clumsiness.

Anyone seen that rotten thing that's on

at the Manawaka Theater this week?

"Not I," said the Little Red Hen.

MAY:
Florence,

I think you're sitting on the pencil.

I always said that Claudette Colbert

was so sweet and natural.

And she always had such lovely hair.

And Marguerite Clark,

she was darling too.

VERLA:

Oh, that was years ago, Holly.

Years and years ago.

Well, it doesn't seem

years and years ago to me.

- Pass.

- Three hearts.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Yes?

Who is it?

Nick?

You're not exactly invisible, Calla.

I left you a note but it blew down.

It's by the step.

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