Raising Arizona Page #9

Suddenly we hear the screech of the bike's brakes.

EXT. THE STATION

We are on the road outside the gas station as the motorcycle

screeches to a halt in the foreground. The low wide shot

crops the BIKER at his shins. In the background behind him

is the gas station.

The Biker pauses for a moment, thinking or feeling.

BACK TO INT. BATHROOM

We hear the rumble of the bike approaching, very loud.

CRASH - the bathroom door flies open as the Biker bursts in

astride his hog, bright daylight streaming in with him to

throw him into imposing silhouette. The shafts of light

pouring in are defined by motes of dust dancing in the air.

HIS POV:

Fast track in on the jar of hair jelly sitting on the shelf

under the mirror.

BACK TO BIKER:

An extreme close shot shows his nostrils dilating as we hear

him sniff.

He revs the rumbling bike, stealing thunder from a far

mountain.

FRONT STOOP OF TRAILER

Hi, with Ed standing by, is just opening the door to a young

couple. Glen is a short stocky blond man in his early

thirties, wearing Bermuda shorts. DOT is wearing slacks,

heels, and a scarf over her hair.

HI:

Glen, Dot-

As the door opens, Dot hops up the stoop shrieking.

DOT:

Where's at baby? Where's he at?

From behind, Glen gives her an energetic THWOK on the ass.

GLEN:

Go find him honey!

Dot spins and smacks Glen across the face with her purse.

Through clenched teeth:

DOT:

Cut it out, Glen!

He reels under the blow.

ED:

(quietly)

He's asleep right now.

Dot shrieks again, but this time muffles it with her own

hand. She tiptoes into the trailer, hand to her mouth.

Glen, rubbing his cheek, seems angry at himself.

GLEN:

Sh*t, I hope we didn't wake it!

DOT:

Can I just sneak a peek-a-loo?

Glen at the top of the stoop, turns out to the yard.

GLEN:

Come on kids...

WIDE SHOT GLEN AND DOT'S KIDS

A scad of children, ranging in age from two to seven, are

crawling over Hi's car. One is beating on it with a large

stick, another sits on the hood pulling back one of the

windshield wipers, etc.

GLEN:

...Get away from Mr. McDunnough's

car.

TRAILER BEDROOM:

As Ed and Dot enter, Ed beaming as they go to the crib.

DOT:

What's his name?

ED:

Uh... Hi Jr. Till we think of a better

one.

DOT:

Whyncha call him Jason? I love

Biblical names. If I had another

little boy I'd name him Jason or

Caleb or- Oh!

She puts her hand to her forehead, reacting to the baby as

if she is about to faint.

DOT:

...He's an angel!

She hides her face in her hands and looks away as if blinded,

then sneaks a look around her hands.

DOT:

...He's an angel straight from heaven!

Now honey I had all my kids the hard

way so you gotta tell me where you

got this angel. Did he fly straight

down from heaven?

ED:

Well-

DOT:

You gonna send him to Arizona State?

TRAILER LIVING ROOM / KITCHEN

The weaving knee-level tracking shot is following a six-year-

old boy in shorts and a dirty T-shirt as he tramps around

the trailer, brandishing a big stick. He strikes the walls,

furniture, various other objects with his stick, hollering

"Bam! Bam-Bam!" with each blow.

The track weaves off him and onto Hi, who is bending down to

pull a couple of beers from the refrigerator. He raises his

voice to make himself heard over the din of all the children

boiling around the room:

HI:

Need a beer, Glen?

GLEN:

Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

Hi considers this.

HI:

...Well yeah, Glen, I guess it is

kinda funny.

GLEN:

Say, that reminds me! How many

Pollacks it take to screw up a

lightbulb?

HI:

I don't know Glen, one?

Hi looks down.

One of Glen's children, in a cowboy hat, is squirting a squirt

gun into his crotch area.

GLEN:

Nope, it takes three!

He starts laughing, then catches himself.

GLEN:

...Wait a minute, I told it wrong.

Here, I'm startin' over: How come it

takes three Pollacks to screw up a

lightbulb?

HI:

I don't know, Glen.

GLEN:

Cause they're so durn stupid!

He laughs; Hi doesn't react.

GLEN:

...Sh*t man, loosen up! Don't ya get

it?

Hi looks over at the TV, which the bam-shouting six-year-old

is banging with his stick.

HI:

No Glen, I sure don't.

GLEN:

Sh*t man, think about it! I guess

it's what they call a Way Homer.

HI:

Why's that?

GLEN:

Cause you only get it on the Way

Home.

HI:

I'm already home, Glen.

The kid in the cowboy hat is reaching up to slap Hi on the

ass.

KID:

You wetchaself! Mr. McDunnough wet

hisseff, Daddy!

GLEN:

Say, that reminds me! How'd you get

that kid s'darned fast? Me'n Dottie

went in to adopt on account of

something went wrong with m'semen,

and they told us five years' wait

for a healthy white baby! I said

healthy white baby! Five years! Okay,

what else you got? Said, two Koreans

and one Negro born with the heart

outside...

He takes a sip of beer.

GLEN:

...Yeah, it's a crazy world.

HI:

Someone oughta sell tickets.

GLEN:

Sure, I'd buy one.

Hi is looking at another child who is just finishing off the

T in FART in crayon on the wall.

Glen chuckles, looking at his errant child.

GLEN:

...That Buford's a sly one. Already

knows his ABCs. But I'm sayin', how'd

ya get the kid?

HI:

Well this whole thing is just who

knows who and favoritism. Ed has a

friend at one of the agencies.

GLEN:

Well maybe she can do something for

me'n Dot. See there's something wrong

with m'semen. Say, that reminds me!

What you gonna call him?

HI:

Uh, Ed-Ed Jr.

GLEN:

Thought you said he was a boy.

HI:

Well, as in Edward. Just like that

name.

GLEN:

(not really interested)

Yeah, it's a good one... Course I

don't really need another kid, but

Dottie says these-here are gettin'

too big to cuddle. Say, that reminds

me!

The sound of shattering glass. Glen looks around.

GLEN:

Mind ya don't cutchaseff, Mordecai...

EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS

Dot faces Hi and Ed across a picnic table covered with grilled

hamburgers, rolls, green jello mold, cooler, etc.

One of the younger children sits in the middle of the table,

occasionally taking a fistful of jello and flinging it at

Hi. The two women don't seem to notice.

DOT:

...and then there's diphtheria-

tetanus, what they call dip-tet. You

gotta get him dip-tet boosters yearly

or else he'll get lockjaw and night

vision. Then there's the smallpox

vaccine, chicken pox and measles,

and if your kid's like ours you gotta

take all those shots first to get

him to take 'em. Who's your

pediatrician, anyway?

ED:

We ain't exactly fixed on one yet.

Have we Hi?

Hi sits stock-still with a stony face.

ED:

...No, I guess we don't have one

yet.

Dot shrieks.

DOT:

Well you just gotta have one! You

just gotta have one this instant!

ED:

Yeah, what if the baby gets sick,

honey?

DOT:

Hi, even if he don't get sick he's

gotta have his dip-tet!

ED:

He's gotta have his dip-tet, honey.

Hi shrugs, then flinches as a piece of jello hits his

shoulder.

HI:

...Uh-huh.

DOT:

You started his bank accounts?

ED:

Have we done that honey? We gotta do

that honey. What's that for, Dot?

DOT:

That-there's for his orthodonture

and his college. You soak his thumb

in iodine you might get by without

the orthodonture, but it won't knock

any off the college.

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