Rascal Page #4

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and Christian concern.

Yes, but... the thing is...

the boy's doing fine work

in school.

He's healthy and...

And happy?

-Well, I've always thought so.

Oh, come now, gice Whalen.

You aren't suggesting

this is a suitable existence?

A boy his age living alone

without parental guidance?

Well, it does seem unusual,

but...

Indeed it does, gice Whalen.

Indeed it does.

Miss Whalen.

-Good afternoon, Sterling.

Sterling,

I'd like you to meet...

our new minister,

Reverend Thurman.

How do you do?

Hello, Sterling.

This is Rascal, my raccoon.

Yes.

Uh... we were just passing by,

and we thought we would drop in.

Oh, well, I'm glad you did.

Come on in.

There's something

I'd like to show you.

Well, thank you, Sterling.

We won't stay

more than a minute.

Uh-oh.

I've gotta clean these.

I've been kind of busy.

Come on in the kitchen.

Is that a canoe?

His project for the summer.

Yes.

I'll just be a second.

Now, you see,

I've got a problem.

Rascal's been getting in

a little bit of trouble lately.

So I've got to, uh,

de-raccoonify him.

I beg your pardon?

Well, I've got to get Rascal...

to stop thinking

like a raccoon...

and start thinking

like a person.

I've been working on him.

Watch.

Rascal... stay.

Rascal, come.

No!

Ah! That's better.

Ah! No!

The flesh is weak,

but the spirit's willing.

That's it.

Ah! That's it.

Ah!

That's it!

Good boy. See?

How very interesting.

-A giant step.

When I get through with him...

he's gonna be

the world's greatest raccoon.

Aren't you, Rascal?

Here, let's get a marshmallow.

Have a marshmallow. There.

Sterling...

-Hmm?

Don't get too fond of him.

What do you mean?

Well, he won't always be young.

There'll come a day

when old Mother Nature...

will reach across your shoulder

and tap his ear.

And he'll tell you

that it's time to go.

Ah, no.

Yes.

That's the way things are,

Sterling.

Rascal wouldn't leave me.

He... he's part of the family.

Yes, which brings us to why...

It's Pa!

Hi, Pa!

Hello there, son.

How'd things go?

Fine. Oh, we got company.

Great. Well, we had

a big harvest up north.

Not much money, but the crops

were comin' out their ears.

Who's the company?

-Uh, the Reverend.

Oh, great. Reverend who?

Thurman. Gabriel Thurman.

Oh, heh heh. Willard North.

How do you do, Reverend?

-Real pleasure, Mr. Nor...

Real pleasure, Mr. North.

I'm taking over

at the Methodist church...

and I thought

I'd look in on Sterling.

Well, you couldn't have come

at a better time.

And Miss Whalen!

Well, this is a double pleasure.

Yes, sir, you couldn't

have come at a better time.

You'll both stay to dinner.

No, really...

-No, no, we couldn't.

Oh, you have to, Reverend.

We've got so much food here...

it'd be against

the Scriptures to waste.

You leave me without a defense.

Now, you can see

that I'm sort of...

on the barter system

these days.

The only way to operate

in the farm country.

There's a farmer up north

owes me commission.

He had no money, so I'm taking

it out in geese and apple pie.

Miss Whalen, would you just

put a pot on to boil?

Get us a mess of turnips

and potatoes, will you?

How are you

at plucking a goose, Reverend?

Well, I don't know.

Well, there's only one way

to find out.

There's a clothes basket

there on the back porch.

I beg your pardon?

For the feathers.

Sterling, get it, will you?

Sure, Pa.

Rascal, I better get you

out of the way.

We were just a little concerned

over Sterling being alone...

for prolonged periods

while you're off...

The little old lady

who makes that cider...

has an apple orchard

up out of Duluth.

McGreevy Marvels.

While you're off

on your business trips...

Nothing else,

just McGreevy Marvels.

I always make it a practice...

to sort of stop by

and help her out.

It occurred to me...

that the church might be

of some assistance to...

McWho?

McGreevy. McGreevy Marvels.

100%.

Well, the point that

I'm trying to make is...

Thank you... the point

I'm trying to make...

I'll take

your bag upstairs, Pa.

Thank you, Sterling.

The point is

we have this committee...

You don't run into cider

like that every day.

Whose duty it is is to act...

Look at that color.

You put the right kind of

squeeze on a McGreevy Marvel...

bottle it with loving care,

set it in a stone cellar...

for just

the right number of weeks...

there you are.

You sure this isn't...

Sneaky?

Oh, Parson, if you only knew

the dear old soul who makes it.

To the dear old soul.

Hear, hear.

Mmm.

The finest canoe water

in the whole world out there.

Unbelievable.

A man can travel a hundred

miles without a portage.

Sterling, how you coming

with that pie?

OK, Pa.

Rascal, that's not for you.

How about some more cider?

I couldn't.

-Oh, please.

A little bit.

Whoo.

Ha ha ha!

Remarkable. Remarkable.

Isn't it? Ahh.

Garvey Meevals. Oh!

What would there be about this

particular breed of apple...

that makes its juice so...

Crisp?

-Very good. Crisp it is.

Very crisp. Very, very crisp.

You know, it was a seedling.

It came up in the orchard

of a man named McGreevy.

The tree's still there,

still bearing fruit...

seventy, eighty years later.

Eighty years.

And still going strong.

To the very

first McGreevy Marvel.

Hear, hear.

Very crisp.

Now, I want you to pay

particular attention...

to this pie.

Sterling, there's a wedge of

sharp cheddar in the icebox.

Get it, will you, son?

Wisconsin cheddar

makes apple pie something else.

There we are, gice Whalen.

This is

very special apple pie...

Very special, indeed.

Farmer's wife in

northern Minnesota makes it.

It's like nothing

you ever tasted before.

There we are, Sterling.

Bite yourself off a piece

of that cheese, Reverend.

You're 100% right

about that pie, Mr. North.

Make it Willard, Pars.

Willard. Perfectly marvelous!

You missed quite

a demonstration tonight.

Oh?

-Sterling and his raccoon.

Oh, you should see him, Pa!

I've got him so he won't

even look at an ear of corn.

Well, I certainly hope so, son.

It's true.

He's 100% de-raccoonified.

De-raccoonified?

I must say, there's a word

I'm not familiar with either.

Perhaps it should be

un-varmint-ized.

Well, it's all new to me.

They don't use the term

down in Indianapolis.

Well, it opens up a fruitful

field of speculation.

You are right.

Who among us are to be marked

for un-varmint-ization?

Raccoons are varmints

to people...

but people are varmints

to raccoons.

If raccoons were running things,

would they go running around...

hollering people out

of their corn patches?

And wear people-skin caps?

You're right.

Where, in short,

does justice lie?

Wowser, cut it out!

What's going on?

I don't know!

Things seemed

to be going from bad to worse.

First corn, now eggs.

Where would

Rascal's appetite stop?

The young minister

had meant well, I'm sure.

I suppose he had hoped

he could reform Pa...

and maybe me, too...

but I don't think he knew

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